So here’s the story. After almost 2 years together my boyfriend (dan) breaks up with me. I won’t go into the details, but we broke up on good terms, and we still plan to be friends, but we arn’t seeing eachother for a while. But the problem is, beside him, i have NO FRIENDS in the area. I have one close friend who lives in New York, and another that lives in Scotland, while I live in New Hampshire. This normally wasn’t a problem, becuase Dan and I spent most of our time together. But know I’m spending all of my time alone, and damn am I lonely. I can deal without a SO. But I want to hang out with people. I have no idea how to meet new people. Sure, there are internet dating sites, but what do you do if you just want a friendship, not a relationship? Help me out dopers!
I found when I moved interstate that it was hard to meet people, you had to make a big effort to get out and socialise. I joined a couple of classes at the local Centre for Adult Education as a way of meeting people with similar interests to mine. Also I took up ceramics and joined a class for that. Best of all I joined the SDMB and G’Dope.
If the need for friends is not urgent (like in the next couple of days), you can always come to Doperéal II.
Bars don’t have to always be meet-markets. Find a bar with a dart league, pool league, softball team, NTN games, etc. A nice neighborhood bar is good, too. Become a “regular”. No need to become a lush or anything, but regulars tend to become friends with the bartenders, who have connections both socially and career-wise.
Nice suggestion Casey, except I don’t drink. I’m recovering from a pretty nasty drug and alcohol addiction. by the way, it will be my six month mark on the 4th! yay for me!
forgot to mention that my recovery means staying away from bars and the like.
Congratulations. I wish you continued sucess.
Perhaps checking around at your local softball field or volunteering for community events?
Maybe after a while, when you feel you can be comfortable around alcohol w/o putting yourself in a tempting position, bars (at least in our area) run bus trips to casinos, ball games, NASCAR races, etc. You can get to know alot about a stranger on a 2 1/2 hour bus ride…
Sorry if that sounded insensitive to your last post. I didn’t preview.
Hopefully, you can pick up what I’m laying down, though.
Ditto what detop said. Doperéal should be a lot of fun.
And, you’ll find there are a number of us amiable dopers in the VT/NH/MA/QC area who try to get together every once in a while. Where in NH are you?
But, for a more immediate solution to your problem, do you have any hobbies? Belong to a church? I find that those two things are great ways to meet people.
If it’s any consolation at all, I’ve been and to some extant still am in a similar situation. When I was living in England and my wife and I separated, I was left pretty alone. Most of my university friends had graduated and left town, and all our other friends sided with her (mainly because they knew I’d be gone soon). Within the next two years I bounced from Oxford, England, to York, PA, then Los Angeles, CA, and now here in upstate New York. This is as close as I’ve lived to any of my close friends from my time in North America–and they live in Toronto.
How have I gotten by? Well, unfortunately, I think the main answer has been “not very well,” but there have been some things that have helped. Firstly, I’ve had my doctoral thesis revision to do…OK, probably not something you can pick up, but it’s been helpful to have some creative endeavor that takes up time. Secondly, I’ve gone to the gym quite often. Even if you don’t meet any people there (I haven’t), you do get the benefits of exercise, so you generally feel better about yourself (a big plus during the winter!) Organized sports activities are even better for that. Third, I’ve been to a few adult education courses. Again, even if you don’t meet people, you learn something!
Congratulations on nearing your six-month anniversary of staying sober! You’ve got the hardest part down, now it’s just “one day at a time”!
Eonwe: I live in Keene, which is in the southwest corner of NH. I belong to a temple, but it’s 2 hours from my house and I don’t drive, so it’s hard to get there
my biggest problem is that I am really shy. I need to step out of my shell a little more. I think I will go hang out down town tomorrow. I need to pick up some job applications anyways.
Ah Keene… I’ll be driving by there around 10 tomorrow morning on my way to Boston. I’ll be sure to honk the horn. 
There’s a reform temple in Keene here, it may be a place to start (if reform Judaism is your thing).
Not Jewish. I’m Buddhist, but thanks anyways.
Ah, sorry! 
Having Jewish family I jumped to a conclusion.
There is a temple in that area though, isn’t there? I know a fellow from that area of NH who’s a buddhist and belongs to a monastary… I wish I could remember.
Oh well.
I think hanging out downtown is a good idea. If there are any coffee shops or the like, they can be great places to meet folks.
there is a coffee shop, a neat used music store, and a really cool spiritual shop.
So I went downtown for about 2 hours today. I filled out 2 job applications. It was a pretty good day for me. I talked to a bunch of people I met in a spiritual shop, which is very uncharacteristic of me. I NEVER talk to people I don’t know. I also ran into a friend of mine in a used music shop. We’re going to make plans to get together sometime. Yay for me!
Good for you, sandalfeet! How about people you work with? Can you ask someone to do something with you? Have a cookout and invite people over?
If you’re in recovery through a 12-step program, you can meet a lot of friendly, like-minded people at meetings. I found these groups very active both with planned events and spontaneous hanging out when I lived in small midwestern towns.
I don’t have a job currently, but i’m job hunting like crazey!