For those of you familiar with this thread, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago in a very cowardly way. I was confused, hurt, and angry, but I’d gotten better.
Tonight, she contacted me via Yahoo Messenger. And frankly, I’m shaken up. her messages consisted of:
Hey
How are you?
I’m sorry for what happened.
My mind is reeling. Why now, two weeks after the fact? Does she feel guilty? Does she miss me? What’s her motive?
There’s no way I’m taking her back, that’s for damn sure. But I have to admit, I’m curious. And there’s a small part of me that wants her back.
I agree. Ignore it. If she’s that moody and cold that she would break up with you via offline message without even a reason, I see no reason why you should respond to her. That would just be handing your heart to her and saying “Here! Stomp on it some more!”
After two weeks I’m hoping you are feeling a bit better. Don’t let her get your hopes back up and dash them down again.
If you do feel you have to respond, be cautious. The amount of trust you had in her before will never be there again, and it will be difficult to be confident in her. Loving someone and worrying all the time about what is going to happen is worse than being alone.
My ex-fiance wrote to me twice a year on the dot for two years after we broke up (our anniversary/my b-day). I changed my numbers but he still had access to my law school email and I never could figure out how to block his damn email. I’m harder to trace now that I’ve graduated so I no longer have to deal with it.
It was like being stabbed in the heart every time but I stopped questioning why he was writing and moved straight into just deleting his messages after a brief read-through except for the last one. I wrote back thanking him for his felicitations on my graduation-a one liner without any information. He wrote back but I deleted it.
In my opinion they write back because of residual guilt/regret. Also, some people just enjoy prolonging the drama because, well, some people are just totally drama. I don’t and didn’t want to waste time and mental effort dealing with him so I just trained myself to feel upset for five minutes and then move into deleting it from my inbox and memory.
“What Happened” is best reserved for various Acts of God and sundry third-party actions.
Your XGF dumped you, and she’s going on about “what happened”.
At least she’s “sorry”.
Don’t give her a picosecond’s thought, she’s not worth it. If you show her any kindness, she’ll take it as weakness and an excuse to use you as a doormat.
Just be the Cold Wall, a Great Void of Indifference. Let your silence roar.
I really don’t want to see her again. I realized when it ended that I needed some time alone to, as corny as it sounds, “work on me.” It just dredges back up all the pain and self-doubt to have her coming back.
She’s sorry she’s “the bad guy” in this. She wants you to be nice to her so she can feel better about dumping you.
If she really, honestly felt bad about what she did, she’d say that. “I’m sorry I dumped you via IM; you deserved better.” “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about my feelings sooner so that it didn’t get to the point where I felt at the time I had to break it off that way.” Something like that. cerberus is right; she’s acting like she didn’t have any say in the matter.
Don’t reply, block her if you feel like it. Don’t read her IMs if you don’t. She’s not worth the pain your heart is feeling, even though I know you’ll have to work through it regardless.
Her e-mail address is blocked, she was already removed from my Messenger list, I don’t know how to block someone who’s not on my list, though.
I spent a good portion of the afternoon crying and feeling somehow guilty. But then I watched America’s Funniest Videos. Somehow, watching babies hit men in the crotch eases the pain.
Yeah, I’m having to deal with this crap all over again. But I was getting past it then, and I can get past it again.
if i could throw my 2¢ in here
yes she wants to feel better about herself so she is looking for validation, approval, etc.
But also it could be that she just got dumped by someone else and it woke her up - to which I say “good”. (remember the songs “Goody Goody” or “Hats Off To Larry”)
either way you are well rid of such a dysfunctional individual
Here’s the key. She’s not sorry for what SHE did to you, she’s pushing the blame onto both of you. Don’t take it from her. Good on you for ignoring her.
Also try to put this in perspective, it could be far worse. Imagine coming home one day and your apartment is empty and she’s left a short note (if at all). Your hurt would be far greater as she’s not only broke your heart, but screwed with your finances and living arrangements. I hate to say it, but she seems like the type of person who would do something like this.
You deserve someone far better than her. Don’t ever forget that you are worthy of an honest, loving relationship.
KCSuze, don’t think I’m unsympathetic, but I can’t pass up the opportunity to quote from John Cusack’s third-best film role[sup]*[/sup]:
With that out of the way, I have to weigh in with those who suspect your ex is merely trying to absolve herself of any guilt by playing The Nice Girl, and I think anu-la1979’s advice and observations are spot-on.
But what do I know? I like cold toliet seats.
Stranger
[sup]*[/sup]I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.
And I empathize KCSuze. I gave the ex another chance a few years ago and found that nothing changed except the fact that now I had not wasted 3 years, but 5 years on a dead end relationship.
KCSuze, I’m so proud of you right now, for doing the right thing, even when it is one of the hardest things.
As I’ve said before, (here we go again!) I gave in to my ex, and I cried, and called, and emailed, and instant messaged… every word he spoke to me, when I’d been hoping for a kind word, a hint that he was sorry, instead was cruel, hurtful, and heartless. He wasn’t sorry for what he did, and my heart was stomped on harder and longer than it had to be. He would threaten me by saying he couldn’t be friends with me! He threatened me with friendship! He was in control. As long as I still loved him, he could do no wrong.
His attitude changed drastically when I finally stood up and said to myself, “Enough. I’m tired of this. I don’t deserve this.” And I stopped calling him, emailing him, instant messaging him… and after that, eventually, I stopped crying. Funny how this got his attention suddenly. The man who wouldn’t be spoken to was suddenly wondering where I went. By the time he did catch up to me, well. You probably know the story by now. Condensed version: I married his best friend, he cries all alone.
And I should have not spoken to him from the moment he used Messenger to call off the wedding.
Yeah, I know. I tell it a lot. But who doesn’t enjoy a good happily ever after story, complete with sweet princess, handsome prince, and evil scoundrel?
Anyway, it just goes to show the kind of crap that happens when you cave in and talk to them, tempting, so tempting as it is. You are a stronger girl than I, and you can avoid all that melodrama-queeny stuff in between. Cry, hell yes, cry your heart out when you have to. But don’t let her see. She doesn’t deserve to know.
