I’ve actually taken to wearing waterproof earbuds to sleep at night. Most of it is because the relaxation videos on youtube help me sleep, but keeping spiders out of my ears helps me sleep better too. I’ve never had a spider in my ear, but you just never know. They’re on my ceiling sometimes! It could happen! Not to me, though 
What if one of them already laid eggs in your earbuds during the day?
What do you do to protect your vag from spider invasion? Huh? Huh?
I am not clicking on any links in this topic. No way in hell.
My earbuds come to work with me! And besides, spider sacs(heheh) are very distinctive, large, white, and noticeable.
If ever a stream of baby spiders comes pouring out of my ear, though, I can assure you that I would instantly lose my grip on sanity.
Took the kitties in for shots today. They tested one for ear mites, weighed the kitties, etc. The tech came back and asked if I wanted to see the results. My thoughts were ‘Um, ok, results of what?’ When she brought me to a microscope I should have just walked away. Instead I got to see the little creepy crawlies that have been living in my kitties’ ears for who knows how long. >.< Indoor cats, always, no plants; no idea how they got ear mites. But I am not looking at the pics in the OP! I’ve seen enough today, lol.
(slow clap)
Bravo, sir, bravo.
I was interviewing for a faculty position at a college in the country, and I walked into the Bio lab. There was a professor there making up microscope slides. He had them spread out neatly over the lab benches.
“What have you got there?” I asked.
“Ticks!” he replied, brightly. “Got 'em off my dog!”
He picked up a small bottle filled with preservative fluid.
“Want to see some engorged ones?”
The first thing I thought of was the “Assman” episode of Seinfeld. “A million-to-one shot, doc!” 
All that needs to happen is to photoshop spiders into the holes in Lotus Boob and I’ll never sleep again.
Hanging curtains in the nude …naughty naughty
The writer of that article seems confused about where the incident took place, because it first says this:
But then the article says:
Did I miss something and the U.S. is now part of China?
No, its that the spiders are leaving the US due to the drought and are infesting the ears of the Chinese.
I guess.
I got a roach in my ear not too long ago. The Internet said to kill it with baby oil, then wash it out. That didn’t work. My mom’s friend who was a nurse said that she’d never heard of using oil–they always used alcohol, and then uses a Q-tip, which the bug would stick to, but that oil would likely make it not stick.
Fortunately, I got it out with a ear dropper–though I didn’t know if I got it all for quite a while, and the oil made it where I could hear out of my ear for a while. Still, it was better then the pain and scratching sounds.
Okay, that’s it. I’m wearing ear plugs to bed tonight.
Years ago at a former job, someone told a similar story. The unanimous response was, “Let’s kill him so he can never tell us this again.”
I know the board rules against threatening other Dopers. I’m just sayin’ … please don’t tell us something like that again, okay?
*** full-body shudder ***
If a roach scratched and scrabbled and then died in my ear canal, I would lose my grip on sanity. Then I would somehow lose it ALL OVER AGAIN.
Was that you on Hoarders the other night? :D;)
A friend of mine got a woodtick in her ear. Sucked up blood till it blocked her ear canal. She had to have surgery to get it out.
Huh, I actually had a tick in my ear too. My mom ended up pulling it out with tweezers.
I’m not sure if I want to realize that this is a thing that happens to people.
The only thing I can think of that would be worse than getting a spider or a roach in my ear is one of these suckers: Candiru - Wikipedia
in my cock. Even if its something of a myth, the mere thought sends me into paralytic convulsions. Which I know is an oxymoronic term.