About a month ago I went to the movies. I bought a bag of popcorn, and about halfway through the film I felt a popcorn hull lodge in my throat. OK, no big deal, I figured it would work its way out on its own.
I got home and it was still wedged in place. I could sort of halfway feel it, kind of maybe, if I stuck my finger way back in my throat, which had the lovely side effect of making horrible bulimia noises that woke MrWhatsit up from a dead sleep.
I asked the Internet for advice. The Internet said to try eating bread products. Three slices of wheat bread, a tortilla, and a quarter-sleeve of saltine crackers later, I was feeling bloated but otherwise no different. Drinking large quantities of water didn’t help. Trying to dislodge it with a toothbrush didn’t help.
I tried to go to sleep. The hull was starting to really hurt, so this was difficult. The next morning, I realized that I was going to have to go see a doctor about this. I went to urgent care, and the doctor confirmed that there was a popcorn hull in there (thanks, Captain Obvious) but he didn’t have the equipment to get it out. He referred me to an ENT. At this point I realized that I might actually be facing surgery. For a god damned popcorn hull. (It would be a better story if at this point I could also curse the crappy movie that wasn’t worth all this, but actually the movie was Premium Rush with Joseph Gordon Levitt and it was pretty good; you should see it. Anyway.)
The ENT had a laugh at my expense when I told him my story. Then he got out this medieval-looking pair of tweezers and said something like, “Let’s have a go.” Two or three incredibly painful minutes later, he pulled out something that was approximately the size of a quarter and said, “ta-da!” I swear to god this was the biggest popcorn hull I have seen in my life. Apparently my surgeon had mad skillz because he didn’t have to resort to the scope and was just able to tweezer out my hull. He showed it off to his assistant like it was a little trophy. (She looked grossed out, which surprised me because you’d think that working for an ENT doctor you’d get used to stuff like this. Maybe she’s new.)
The feeling of relief when that thing was gone is almost indescribable. It was almost, but not quite, worth suffering through having it stuck in there, just to feel it gone.
So that’s my story of my surgically (sort of) removed popcorn hull. Anyone else want to share stories of stupid injuries they’ve sustained?