What do you have against Wal-Mart? 
Barking collars?
It’s just as irritating when parents think it’s OK to have their babies screaming all the time. I get that sometimes they just will not shut up, but that’s no one else’s problem. If you have a baby and you can’t keep it quiet, maybe you just have to make a few sacrifices for a few years.
And the thread will now have taken a turn for the worse…
Come to think of it, we’ve had plenty of that with non-Autistic kids. Left a lot of movies with my son, who had sensitive hearing and would start freaking out at loud noises. We tried parades, music events… Even the car wash was too much for him. He “grew out of it”, but it took a lot of vigilance to head off meltdowns. And I spent a lot of time walking him around til the movie/concert was over. Even a noisy restaurant: wife would stay and just get my dinner boxed up.
And the other kid? If she got bored, she’d act up, so I spent a lot of time outside of restaurants/movies… 
Well, at least until the Korean War is over.
This reminds of the time I was in a movie theater. The lady sitting in front of me cell phone goes off.
The guy behind me says: “Really? A fucking cell phone?”
She then turns around to me (I guess she thought I said it.) and says: “I have kids in school!”
Not wanting to further interupt everyone else’s movie going experience, I kept my mouth shut.
But man, with the way that she said it, as in “I’m special, cuz’ I gots children” self entitlement tone in her voice; really made my blood boil.
God! I wanted to slap that bitch!
BTW, I have children too!
I think a lot of the issue here comes from the parents’ lack of desire to risk a meltdown, or at least to avoid the perception of abuse. Which is assholish all on its own, because it reinforces to the child that the negative behavior is acceptable because the parent makes no effort to control the behavior, and to the parent that allowing the child to misbehave is acceptable because the parent avoids the consequence of the meltdown or public disapproval. Neither does the child (or the parent) any favors.
And, yeah, the parents of these kids have a difficult life. I know a woman who has not only not been to a movie in a theater since her son was diagnosed with (IIRC) severe ADHD, she can’t even do the grocery shopping when he’s not in school. (He’s on medication, which helps, but he’s so impulsive that he can’t be trusted to leave things and people alone. She’s placing him in a therapeutic school, which is partly for her sanity and safety of her family; he’s getting to the point where he can physically overpower her and her other kids are suffering.) But she knows this, and she chooses to schedule her activities accordingly. She’s never made excuses for her son’s behavior. She’s just learned that he shouldn’t be out in a public environment if it’s avoidable.
First, Autism is a neurological disorder.
Most “behaviors” from Autistic kids are actually self-regulating reactions from being overstimulated, anxious, stressed, or in new and uncharted environments. Rocking back and forth for example, is a well-known symptom of disregulation, and may be one possible way to self-regulate. You might see someone you know in this video trying to self-regulate…his behavior is marginally accepted by most people (I know, cheesy video…but the payoff at the end is worth it). But he is on the high end of the Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and he is an adult that is much more mature than than kids who are deeper in the spectrum. To “control” (by denying self-regulation) the kid’s behavior is like squeezing silly putty…it will more than likely morph into some other behavior that may even be less desirable than the previous behavior. Most neurotypical people don’t realize this and quickly judge kids and parents that there is a lack of control on the kid from the parent. That is very faulty thinking of the neurotypical crowd.
The problem has and still is that parents have very little education on how to anticipate, alleviate and cope with these behaviors. There really isn’t a good and sure-fire method to “control” autistic behaviors. Drugs are not always the answer and can be more dangerous than the behaviors themselves. Also, experience, education and discovering the antecedents that trigger the behaviors doesn’t come easy for any parent…and may take months or years to discover and learn. Here is one scenario that happened about 5 years ago when our kid was about 5:
We would take a certain route from our house to another town 400 miles away and my son would inconsolably cry and scream for his blanket, his juice, his pillow, or say he has to pee (when he didn’t)…over and over again…and all of those items were there in his possession. It took a few trips to this town for me to realize that my son only did this on a certain stretch of highway, where it was a single lane, and well used by trucks with the speed limit being 70mph. The visual and sound of opposing truck traffic would create such a whooshing sound to him, and it struck fear into my son who already has a problem trying to communicate his feelings, and so his behavior was the only clue for me to go on and figure out. By the third or fourth trip, I had enough antecedent and behavior to figure it was the truck traffic on that stretch of road. On the next trip, he sat behind the passenger seat (instead of the driver seat), wore the blanket over his head (to take away the visual aspect), play some music that would help mask the whooshing sound of opposing truck traffic, and we also left when it was still dark and he was still trying to sleep. His behaviors became diminished quickly and now he doesn’t have any.
So, in no way did I “control” his behaviors, but I did have some control over the antecedent that would trigger his behavior. That is much tougher to do since you have to be somewhat of a sleuth to do this…but most parents fall short of this or are not educated to do it…but some people do take the time to figure it out…my (and my wife’s) CPI training and 20 years of working the developmentally disabled population gave us some tools to help our son, but by no means is that even a silver bullet on how to deal with our son’s behaviors…new ones crop up when others fade away. He keeps us on our toes.
Again, as I have stated before, the kid gets the free pass, the parent does not get a pass in the OP…she seems disconnected from my POV, and gave the OP a lazy response.
You mean you actually pay attention to your child and become an expert in him, rather than just paying an “expert” to categorize and fix the problem for you? How novel!
I’m pretty sure this was in fact you “controlling your kid” in the sense the OP intended. I don’t care if they’re neurotypical or not, you can’t directly control a child’s behavior. They don’t come with remote controls (more’s the pity). What people mean when they say that is set up situations so your kid can deal with them, and if they act in a socially inappropriate manner (e.g. wrecking someone’s enjoyment of a movie or ability to grocery shop or eat in relative peace), you don’t just let it slide - you motivate the kid to stop, or remove them, as appropriate.
Yes, you may not be able to stop the behaviour, but you can stop it from annoying other people. I’d consider this an aspect of “control”.
“So you do have a plan! Yeah, Mr. Rex! Yeah, Science!!!”
There’s a difference in regards of misbehavior from a neurotypical kid who knows the rules/etiquette but chooses to ignore them, and a kid who is on the ASD, who might know the rules/etiquette as well, but may not be physically/mentally able to control his/her own behaviour within the confines of what’s socially acceptable. Going by the Title of the OP, “control him” seems to (me) be perceived as a direct physical and/or verbal command meant to make a swift change in the kid’s behavior which might not be received well by a child deeper on the spectrum. Controlling the environment is more likely the solution which is a much more appropriate response. Again, this was a nitpick I made in regards to the OP’s title, nothing more…the mother should have removed the kid sooner (control the environment) rather than telling him to be quiet (controlling him), or worse yet, as the OP stated, took the lazy way out and went to the “A” card to defend her non-action.
Yeticus,
I’m very familiar with the pervasive developmental disorders.
Nothing that you said explains why a parent shouldn’t control their child.
And yes, changing the child’s context is certainly control. Just because a child is not neurotypical, or is neuro-atypical in some other way does not obviate the parent from any resposibility for controlling the child by removing them from the context if needed.
It looks like a distinction without a difference, as far as the other movie patrons are concerned. Whether she silences him or takes him our of the room, they won’t hear him any more.
Agreed. I really hate when Slim needs to be removed from a situation because he screams at the top of lungs “LET GOOOOO OOOOF MEEEE RIIIIIIIGHT NOOOOW!” because I always get dirty looks from other people which I do try to ignore.
Here’s where we probably have a disagreement over degree. Some people believe that children should be “seen but not heard” and some parents feel that “little Johnny should be allowed to express himself fully” (or are lazy gits), and most are somewhere inbetween those two extremes.
I do my best to help my daughter cope so she doesn’t annoy other people (or myself for that matter), while also having a chance to grow, experience new things, learn from experience, and hopefully one day be a contributing member of society. That does involve taking her out into public where she may annoy other people. I try to minimize the opportunity, avoid triggers, help her cope, and if need be remove her from the environment. I also ask your* patience while I do all this.
your* = collective “your” and not directed toward any person in this thread.
Yeticus - as far as I know, Bill Gates has never publicly addressed whether or not he is considered on the autism spectrum and/or Aspergers. I have heard that Microsoft offers the best autism benefits of any major corporation in the US. Interesting video though and pretty stereotypical “rocking.”
I missed the post where he said that a parent shouldn’t control their child.
That’s going to be a matter of degree.
Airplane? I’ll tolerate quite a bit (since I don’t really have a choice).
Retail store? I can walk to a different section.
Family restaurant? A little. I have the option of changing tables if need be.
Movie or concert? Practically zero.
And in that last case, I don’t really care how you “control” your child (however one wishes to define the term) to the point where he or she is no longer disturbing me. You could take him outside or break out the chloroform as you see fit; just make it quick. The particular circumstances of a movie or concert (i.e. my enjoyment means I have to be able to hear; crowding, darkness and/or assigned seating can make it impractical for me to move away) will make a tantrum or triggered misbehaviour especially intolerable.
If the kid is likely to have outbursts due to autism that are beyond your control, don’t take him to the theatre. It’s that simple.
If my started to misbehave at a theatre, a You’re In Trouble Look is all it would take for him to shut up. That’s a level of “control” I have with a well behaved neurotypical child. (I don’t recall him ever having a temper tantrum, either, so maybe he’s atypical and I’m being a jerk.)
But if my son were like some of my former students, no, I wouldn’t be taking him to a theatre unless it’s was a special event for kids like him. Taking him to a theatre would just be rude (to the patrons) and possibly put my kid through stress that wasn’t necessary.
As far as plane rides go, plan ahead, pick a time when it’s quieter, and be cognizant of the fact that other people on the plane may get annoyed. People who don’t know how to travel with infants annoy me more than parents who travel with kid that have special needs, though.