I'm thinking maybe my tendency toward inertia has become a pathology

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

When I get an idea to do something, I generally feel compelled to follow through on it to completion (or as close as I can get to completion) if it is completable, or I just keep doing it into perpetuity until something else comes along that I am compelled to do more (note that this does not frequently align with the things I NEED to do). Sometimes I will know that I should be doing something else (like when I spend time on SDMB instead of working), or other times I will actually want to do something else but I feel compelled to keep doing what I am doing… until something comes along that forces me to stop (like getting a phone call when I’m in auto-in phone mode, the end of my work shift, bedtime, or game server maintenance shutdown, or my book disintegrates into a million tiny pieces… okay maybe not the last one :D).

When I start to read most any book, I can’t do anything else until I finish it (I may be able to sleep if I become sufficiently exhausted, but I won’t voluntarily put it down). The only books I tend to pick up are Harry Potter or romance novels, nothing of epic length.

There are “achievements” in the game that I play (World of Warcraft) and I enjoy working on obscure achievements, like collecting a bunch of novelty pets (50 or 75 for instance). But when I see the achievement, I can’t just casually collect pets as I see them and get the achievement later. I have to do it NOW. I just have to, and I have to have it as fast as possible. I don’t know why. So I will spend a bunch of extra gold to buy stuff from the readily available auction house instead of going around and collecting it piecemeal from vendors while I do other things. I hate it but when I get into this “mode” I just… **have **to. There’s no question of consequences if I don’t do it, because I won’t refrain. I have to do it, so I do it, and that is that. Once the achievement has been achieved I breathe a huge happy sigh, feel accomplished and happy for about 15 minutes, and then something else presents itself to be focused on. (might be leveling one of my alternate characters, or watching youtube videos of a particular singer, or reading a book, or watching an entire season of a tv show from start to finish, or rarely watching a whole bunch of porn in succession).

I usually go to and from work at the exact same times every day, but we move hours up earlier on holidays and I get super duper crabby because I am forced to alter my routine on those days.

Through all this I do still manage to do enough at work to stay employed. I take bathroom breaks and I eat meals, but when I return to the scene I continue doing whatever it was. But I think this is disrupting my life. I get upset when something unexpected comes up. I do not like to have my routines disrupted. My mom or a friend will sometimes invite me to go somewhere on the spur of the moment, and I turn the invitation down because I didn’t have time to mentally prepare myself for it. If I don’t write out a shopping list, I will never go to the store. If my roommate jumps in the bathroom when it’s supposed to be my time for showering (the same time every day), I sit there and grind my teeth and almost cry and can’t do anything else but sit there until the shower is free. Because I was in shower mode, I even grabbed my freaking towel, but she ninjaed the bathroom and now I’m stuck in bathroom mode but I can’t get in the bathroom! (if that makes sense)

I also count words and letters to make sure they come out to a number divisible by three (and if they don’t then I will use punctuation or alternate spellings to ensure they do). I also add numbers in series (like on mailboxes or phone numbers) and compute their digital roots to see whether they come out to something divisible by 9. These are things I’ve been doing ever since I was about 12 (so… 14 years now) and on their own don’t constitute a serious life disruption. But add them to the other symptoms and I think I might be OCD. Though I’m not sure, because I don’t get weirdly repetitive about locking doors, or making sure the oven is off, or washing my hands repeatedly. I just, in a nutshell, like to keep doing what I am doing in the schedule that I am used to doing it.

I have heard that people with ADD and people with OCD can both have overfocusing tendencies. And I’m not looking for medical advice per se, or a definitive diagnosis, but I am wondering how a tendency toward overfocus could possible apply to two disorders that seem so different. And if you think I’m maybe one or the other, I wouldn’t mind gathering opinions from anyone whether you’re professional or just another joe with an opinion (like me! :D).

I’d like to see a doctor but there is the not-insignificant problem of preparing myself for that. And before you ask, yes I was compelled to write this post and had a great deal of difficulty making myself do work until it was all typed out.

2

Sorry to respond to your thorough post with a brief one, but this tendency is usually referred to as monomania. As far as ADHD goes, it isn’t exactly like being an easily distracted terrier puppy; it is much easier to focus on things you enjoy.

It doesn’t sound like I reach your level, but I do focus on things a bit. SDMB is a big distractor. So I don’t know how to fix it, although a therapist’s diagnosis may help if you decide upon that. Maybe you can set limits, like if you’re doing paperwork at home, don’t do it on the same computer where WoW is installed, for example. Otherwise it will be nagging in the back of your mind.

3

That’s a very helpful starting point for me, thanks very much! Honestly it does not matter what I have as a distractor, I cannot hold SDMB responsible. Anything can distract me from work. Before I discovered this site, it was the xkcd forums. Before that it was slashdot and my rss feeds.

As far as paperwork niggling at my mind when I’m playing WoW, I never have to worry about taking my work home with me. My schedule is a straight 40 hours a week, every week, and work absolutely stays at work (best perk of my office job imo). If I had the ability to play WoW at work, suffice to say I doubt I’d be employed for very long :cool:

As it is I’ve been here for over 2 years now and I’m getting by. Some days are much worse than others. I know I need to get this crap diagnosed, though, because my lows are worse now than they were even 6 months ago.

4

Never a good idea to go to a message board for medical advice, but I think when YOU think it’s time to see a doctor - it’s time to see a doctor.

And FWIW, it does kinda sound like you have a problem that’s negatively affecting your life.

5

The tendency toward inertia has gone beyond pathology to actual physical law. And it is all your fault.

6

And mental disorders are made-up excuse fantasies by the mentally ill not to accomplish their goals in life. We get it.

7

Uh, yeah, see a shrink. Ya got problems, kiddo, if you describe needing to take a shower as “bathroom mode”.

8

I think that was a joke about Newton’s first law of motion. In other words, everything in the universe has a tendency towards inertia, so obvs you can’t be responsible.

9

Honestly, I think you might be a little depressed, but mostly you have way too much time on your hands to think about yourself.

You don’t want to hear this, but the degree that you play World of Warcraft is not healthy. World of Warcraft is engineered to manipulate your reward circuits and create a basically pavlovian response. If this is all you are doing, for hours at a time every day, it is going to have an at least temporary effect on your brain. Everyone feels a bit dazed after staring at a screen for a few hours- if that is one of your main activities it is going to bleed in to other things you do. I think if you found some more active, social, constructive hobbies to fill your life you might suddenly find you are less interested in obsessing over yourself and a lot of this would disappear. Over-analyzing yourself tends to build a feedback loop that is not good for anyone.

I also think these behaviors are something you could start working on now rather than waiting for a magic diagnosis (though I think, based on other posts, it still might be a good idea to start seeing a therapist.) If you find yourself throwing a fit because you don’t get to shower when you want to, step back from the situation, say “Hey look, I’m doing that thing again” and try to work through what you are feeling and reason it out. It might look something like this:

  1. I’m in shower mode and I can’t shower. Waaaaaaaaah!"
  2. So get out of shower mode. What can I do for ten minutes while I wait?"
  3. But I’m angry and upset!
  4. It’s okay to be angry and upset, but what are you going to do with it? Is it really helping you or being useful to you?
  5. Hmmmm…maybe not.

It’s a lot of work and discipline to learn to step back from your raw emotions, but it can be done. After you learn to moderate and control these reactions, then you can build up to introducing a little more irregularity in your life. A good way to do this is to say yes to something you’d usually say no to. Before you do, record how much you think you are going to enjoy it. Then afterwards compare it. I think you’d be surprised how often you enjoy things you would have said no to.

10

Some of what you’re describing sounds like OCD, but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone thought you had OCPD traits with the inflexibility thing.

I would go to a psychologist if you feel that you actually want/need help, and are not just shopping for a cut-and-dried diagnostic label. A psychologist may recommend that you go to a shrink in addition to getting psychotherapy–are you prepared for that? Do you want the number thing to stop, or is it a quirk that doesn’t bother you that much? Seriously, think about it. Because even though there are drugs that will help you with anxiety and the mental rituals, they are meant for people with severe, disabling problems…people who don’t mind suffering through the horrible side-effects because the benefits outweigh them considerably.

If you go into therapy, chances are it won’t be a short-term thing, especially if you aren’t sure what’s really bothering you. Are you ready for a long-term commitment? If you had told me three years ago that I would still be seeing my therapist, I would have thought that was nuts. But I have excellent insurance and a doctor who has been willing to work with me…as well as a flexible work schedule and lots of patience with the process. I’ve been very lucky. If you have not-so-good insurance that will only cover 13 sessions, then you’ve got to be prepared for that reality.

There’s nothing stopping you from doing something on your own too. Since you know you’ve got a rigid personality, slowly introduce some minor unpredictability into your life. Like, what’s the worse that would happen if you went to the grocery store without a list? Or if instead of shopping on the day when you usually go, you go on a different day? Do little things like that and then work your way up to bigger things.

The shower thing would get on my nerves too. That’s why I value living alone. Some quirks don’t need to be “fixed” if you are able to shape the environment to suit your personality style.