I'm tired of the arrogance

The BBQ Pit
1

There are two guys in my lab who I like and respect, but sometimes I come very close to wanting to smack them down.

A conversation never goes by without either of them questioning what I say. Not only do they question what I say, but they insist that I’m wrong.

Case in point: One day we start talking about neck rings and I mention the Masai people. Both guys turn to me and tell me that I’m wrong: the Masai don’t wear neck rings. I’m thinking, they tell me, of the Burmese. No, I say. I’m 100% sure that the Massai wear neck rings too. No, they both insist. I’m not right. The Masai DO NOT wear neckrings.

This goes back and forth before my advisor chimes in and says I’m right. And then they shut up.

Another example: We talk about birthdays and I tell everyone my father’s birthday is Jan. 6, the day celebrated by many as Three Kings Day. One of the Arrogant Boys says he’s never heard of this day, and I ask if he’s every heard of the Epiphany. He says the Epiphany is another day. No, I say. I’m pretty sure it’s Jan. 6. No, he says. And because I know how this guy works, I admit that he may be right so that we can drop it. But as soon as I get home, I look it up. I was right. Jerkoff was wrong. Once again.

Yet another instance: I work with meiofauna (very small animals). In fact, I’m probably the expert on meiofauna within a five mile radius of my school. One of the Arrogant Boys (same one as above) is just starting a project on sediment-dwelling meiofauna. I notice he’s using the compound scope instead of the stereoscope to go through the sediment. When I suggest that it would be 1000 times easier to use the stereoscope, he balks. No, he says. He needs the compound so he can see. Even when I explain how the stereoscope would be easier, he still doesn’t want to listen. Finally, frustrated, I practically demand that he use the stereoscope because I can’t bear to watch him waste time (as well as the scope’s light bulb). But I have to admit my bruised ego also came into play. I have four years of research to this guy’s one month–the least he could do is respect my suggestion by listening. And he eventually did…but I practically had to kill him in the process.

Today: The other Arrogant Fool routinely denounces Uncle Cecil’s words of wisdom as false. Today I shared with him the story of the electrocuted-pee-pee guy. He said that it was impossible. That it just can’t happen. Even in a singular freak accident. And then he launched into a lecture explaining why it couldn’t happen. A lecture, by the way, that I did not really want to hear.

I tuned out.

I don’t know. I have no problem with engaging people in intellectual discussion or debate. That’s why I like the GD board. Nor do I have a problem with people questioning stuff. However, I do have a problem with people who question EVERYTHING. I don’t want to share information with these people anymore because I don’t feel like debating them at every turn. Sometimes I just want people to accept what I say. Even if they don’t believe it, they could at least hide their contempt for my intelligence by pretending that they do.

I know no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them, but sometimes that’s how I feel when I’m around them. And I don’t know what to do about it.

2

Well, maybe now you see why, when these guys graduate, they will get jobs where they are not allowed to answer the phone. Permanent bench techs or professors whose dean makes them have their TAs teach their classes.

“You’re real smart, Bob, but we can’t let you come in contact with people.”

3

There is also the possibility that you always being right irks them so much that they question you, even though they know you are right and they are wrong. I had this relationship with my older sister growing up. She was always right, so just to bug her I would question her.
Even now I have to fight the urge to run around screaming at the top of my lungs when she is wrong - she just refuses to admit it.

4

underlining by li’l’ ol’ me

:eek: “Ma, break out the torches and pitchforks. We gonna have ourselves a good old-fashioned heretic hunt” :smiley:

5

Nah. I’m not always right. I just think they are used to people thinking they’re always right and they play the part.

Do guys do this more than women? It seems like they do from my experience. I’ve noticed that these two guys play the No-It-Isn’t-Yes-It-Is game between themselves. The women in my lab do not do this kind of thing.

6

Ugh I work with a guy like this. The first year I knew him I admit that a few times I went home and looked stuff up just to prove to myself that I was right. Now I don’t even bother because it never ever matters if he’s wrong. In his heart, he is right surpreme overloard of all facts. It’s come to the point where I never enjoy a conversation with him because I know that there’s always an even chance he will dispute some completely insignificant fact that pops up and I will have to choose between arguing over it or just letting him be right. Man just thinking about it right now I’m getting annoyed. Over the years he’s collected enough esoteric knowledge that he could sound pretty impressive to the average person but when you spend enough time with him you realize how very very often he is completely pulling stuff out of his ass. When you finally call him on it he just goes into irrational denial and when you finally convince him he’s wrong he sulks. It’s not worth it. The worst part of it is that I have to hear people who’ve only met him a few times talk about how fascinating he is. I never want to be a grinch and say he’s full of shit, and even if I did nobody would believe me. It’s always a relief when someone comes along who’s smart enough to know what a blowhard he is and not be all impressed. I just try to remind myself that all he has are his dellusions of grandeur and that I should just feel sorry for him. And yet the hatred persists. Oh well.

7

Whenever I’m right and somebody else is wrong, I just go “You sure about that?” They usually sill insist they’re right, and I shrug and let it go, with the knowledge that the bill for their hubris is coming due, and the balance is Humiliations Galore!!! ::touches fingers to forehead:: I predict great embarrassments to come for arrogant boys.

8

Yea. Some guys–and I’ve noticed this, just my observations–are all macho on the football field and soccer pitch. Some are in the barroom. But some aren’t into that and start thinking they’re smarter than god. So they do their macho shit on the “I know more than you” field. And because they DO tend to know more than most regular Joes, they get told all the time how smart they are. So the ego grows. And then someone is actually smarter than them! And this cannot be, so they get defensive and macho.

It’s like those guys who just CANNOT take being cut off in traffic. Call it Lab Rage. And just be happy, cause they probably have really small penises.

9

Wa-a-a-it a minute. You say you’re tired of arrogance, and yet you come here?

10

I have tons of esoteric knowledge. Some of it is even true. Once these guys have lost enough cash bets, they may gain a dash of “I guess I could be wrong.”

11

Monstro I feel your pain, I too bear the burden of always being right :slight_smile:

12

Maybe they’re tired of your Cliff Clavin-like sharing of knowledge.

13

It’s a dominance issue. Sort of like being toughest or strongest, but in an intellectual arena. I’m betting they cut you off when you speak or finish your sentances for you, too, don’t they?

14

We need hobbies more than women do.

Bah, bah I say. So, you women just don’t get it, like watching sports and arguing pointlessly over some statistic.

Humiliate htem on a regular basis, then you can try arrogance as a hobby too.

15

I agree with Collounsbury. You’ve got to humiliate them. Not only is it fun but you’ll get one of two results: 1) they’ll leave you alone or 2) they’ll respect you.

Either way, you can’t lose.

16

Hi, monstro:

For another perspective on the problem, please take a look at The Argument Culture, by Deborah Tannen. Reading Deborah is like listening to your big, smart, warm, even-handed sister; she may not give you final or specific answers, but you’ll get some food for thought and alternate ways to approach this situation.

You may be dealing with people who have come to believe that intelligence is manifested in adversarial behaviors and that stubborn refusal in the face of facts is the only hallmark of intellectual integrity. You may feel forced to play the adult because the Arrogant Boys are acting like children who have just learned that a reflexive “No!” grants them a certain power. Too, they’re newly employed and they’re probably looking to stake out their turf.

In my experience, this behavior is more likely to emerge in male personalities, but I’ve encountered females who do this, too. And anecdotally, waiting them out is probably the thing to do. If the Lads get to a point where their words and deeds have tied a noose around their necks, you might decide to approach them privately and cut the rope before they choke to death. In most cases, you get one of two reactions: they appreciate what you’ve done and your discretion, and interactions become much easier; they hate you for helping them. In the former case, the Boys will stay around and probably turn out to be quite valuable; in the latter case, they’ll almost always find a way to leave, and find a way to blame you for their departure.

You’ve received some good advice and some earned empathy, monstro. The problem’s likely to vanish, but, in the meantime, try to find a way to laugh about it.

17

Thanks for sympathizing, everybody. Especially Spiriting.

It may surprise some of you to learn that I’m the wussiest sissy-girl in real life. I cower in fear when it comes to confrontation. I’m the type of person who will agree with you that the sky is green just so you’ll leave me alone. And the Arrogant Boys have messed up so much that they’ve managed to get me to doubt stuff that I know is true. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

If the real world was like the internet, there’d be no stopping me. I’d be the uber-bitch of the universe.

18

Cite?

Regards,
Shodan

19

Absolutely. I’ll even admit it- I do it. I don’t do it out of arrogance or a desire to be right. I do it because I like to argue. Characterinzing it as a game is fitting because that’s exactly what it is, at least to me. I’ll often enter into a Yes-It-Is-No-It-Isn’t game when I know I’m dead wrong, just to see how close I can come to convincing the other person I’m right.

Most of you would probably think I’m a boorish ass, and you’re mostly right. But in my defense, I only play this game with other guys who I know enjoy it as well, and it’s always over mundane trivia, never anything important like compound vs. stereo microscopes. I never do it to intentially annoy someone who has no interest in playing, except my wife, and she’s contracturally obliged to like me.

20

Monstro, I know how it is. Only my example is a female friend of mine. One night a group of us were sitting around playing Cranium ™, and everytime someone answered a question incorrectly, she’d make a big deal about how she knew the answer, and if only SHE’D been asked that question! Or just a casually catty, “I can’t believe you didn’t know that!” And if they got the question right, it was, “Well, THAT was easy. Everyone knows that!” But half the time, she got her questions wrong, and then it was, “Well, that was really trivial/obscure. NO ONE would have gotten that!” And she does this all the time. In every situation. Even casual conversation. Most of us, by mid-college or so, have learned that no one is going to assume we’re morons if we admit we don’t know something. My friend has not learned this, and it sounds like Arrogant Boys have not learned it, either. But what they don’t realize is that, while some people may be fooled and impressed by how much they know, most intelligent people have found that the the truly wise are always ready to admit how much they DON’T know, and to learn wherever they can, from whomever they can.