How do *you* deal with arrogant people?

In My Humble Opinion
1

In one of my classes that involves public speaking, I can always see one particular person rolling their eyes or whispering to the person next to them whenever I or a few others speak. When it is this person’s turn to speak, he gives a decent performance, but it is clear that he has an inflated view of his own knowledge and abilities. He fancies himself an expert in a few areas, despite having no more experience in those areas than the rest of us. I have to work in a group with him and have tried to let his arrogance roll of my back by not saying anything.

Are there any particular arrogant pains-in-the-ass where you live/work/study? How have you dealt with them?

2

:rolleyes:

People like you try and point things out to people like me but I remember something I was taught long ago: Consider the source. Then people like you don’t bother me anymore.

3

Say nothing, it will only cause conflict. Why does this bother you?

4

Yeah that is it really. Just let it go and make the biggest contibution you can. If you are right everyone else will think he is a dickhead, if you are wrong everyone else will think you are a good team player.

You however can always consider him a dickhead, just don’t let it interfere with the work.

5

I should add that, if it really annoys you, and you can demonstrate how full-of-shit they are, then the best approach is to verbally demolish them in front of everyone. While smiling in a friendly manner.

6

I forgot the :wink:

I agree with the others. I don’t think you should do anything about it. You could make a comment when he’s whispering during your speech that you would prefer not to have competition when in speaking. It’s light and it may get the point across. Or you will have just made a mortal enemy.

7

Heckle him during his speeches.

8

Depends. If I was the coordinator in that group, I would ask that guy to verbalize his suggestions. If he thinks he can do a better work than whomever is speaking, he should be able to give positive advice. If he can’t give positive advice, he should stop distracting the speaker.

If I knew it was someone I would have to put up with for only a few months, I’d ignore him. I’m not his Mom, it’s not my job to teach him manners; I’m not his wife, it’s not my job to make sure he leaves the house with his brain switched on.

It’s completely different when the person in question is someone lower than you in the totem pole, someone higher, someone you know you’ll never have to work again, etc.

9

Arrogance really gets on my nerves too. The advice to ignore the oaf is probably the best.

However, here is something I started doing to make me feel better.

When jerk-o is speaking, roll your eyes, or let a derisive smile cross your face. Arrogance is usually something people put on when they are insecure. Random roll eyes, or smirks, makes them wonder what they are doing wrong, which they are trying to cover up with their arrogance.

10

We ignore them. Completely. There are a couple of these kinds of clowns up at our bar, and we simply ignore them.
And it drives them NUTS! :smiley:

11

Ignore him and always remember, Those who think they know everything are a pain in the ass to those of us that actually do.

12

Avoid him when possible, and when you can’t do that, ignore him.

But if you get a chance to take him down a peg or three, do it and enjoy it.

I got to do that to an arrogant guy I knew in high school. His last name was close to mine in the alphabet, so we often ended up sitting near each other. He was arrogant, and always liked to point out how much smarter he was than me.

He took his SAT’s before I did, and was bragging about his score (something like 1250). Then I took mine, and got my score back- it was something like 1380 (memory’s a little fuzzy after all these years). I can still clearly remember when he asked me my score and I told him- he got an expression on his face that looked like he had just swallowed a bug.

That’s one of my few happy memories of my high school years (that don’t involve playing Nintendo at home).

13

When you’re speaking on something your are very knowledgeable about, when you catch the jerk rolling his eyes, you could say, “You there, do you have a question?” Put him on the spot. He may not realize his behavior is so obvious. At the very least, this could teach him to tone it down.

Otherwise, yeah, do your best to ignore the jerk and have as little interaction with him as possible.

14

That’s funny. Especially when you pretend you are oblivious to his/her reaction. Like, you know, no big deal that you kicked his ass.

Most of the time, my encounters with these people are passing ships in the night, so I don’t really care if they’re set straight or not and the best course is to ignore them.

If he’s actually being disruptive to your speeches, you’re well within your rights to call him on it, though. Maybe he’ll shut up. And others will probably applaud you.

15

I agree, take the high road and ignore them. Engaging them is rarely as satisfying as it should be. Don’t reward their behavior with attention.

Later, lay for them in the parking lot and beat the shit out of them.

16

It’s easy. I simply point out that they, like all other inhabitants of this pathetic little orb, are my natural inferiors.

17

I was in a ceramics class with a woman who was always going on about how cool she was, how smart, how creative, and when we each had to give a presentation about our pieces, she made little snarky comments about whoever was talking. I had to sit next to her, which was really aggravating. Finally, I asked her to stop, and she said “well, it’s the truth.” So I answered, “Yes, but consider what other people might say about you if they had to be truthful but could also be unkind.”

Shut her right the hell up.

18

So far all the responses have been ignore him or stick it to him by showing him up. Both of those contribute to the problem. Why not go the other direction: compliment him on his good qualities, listen intently when he starts spouting off, give him props when he’s right, deflect when he’s wrong (say things like, “yeah right, I know what you mean: <insert correction>”). You might have a positive affect on him instead of just contributing to his inevitable crisis or life-long insecurity.

In short, be overly supportive. He’s probably never experienced that.

19

That kind of behavior bothers me because it’s rude. I’d just ignore the eye rolling but if he speaks to someone else while you’re speaking I suggest you ask him right then and there if he has something he’d like to contribute. I’ve seen teachers use this method from middle school through college and it seems to work.

Marc

20

Hi, my name is Maastricht, and I was, and probably still am, obnoxiously arrogant.

(everybody say: Hi Maastricht!" )

And you know what? I never knew I came across as arrogant. That’s right, no-one had taken the time to tell me in a constructive manner. All I knew is that I was a lot brighter then my parents, and brighter then most people I counted as friends. And the combination of intelligence and social isolation is self-reinforcing: no-one corrects you in your assumptions anymore, especially not when you’re wrong.

Let me give an example. It’s a warm, sunny afternoon late in September and I wait for the bus back home from work. My heavy wintercoat is draped over my arm. A teen next to me looks at me with roll-eyes and suddenly bursts out: “Why’d you bring that heavy coat? It’s warm enough to go out with just a T-shirt!” To which I replied: “Sure, but when I left home at 07.30 this morning it was just above freezing.”
He was genuinely surprised, that thought just hadn’t occurred to him. And if he hadn’t asked me, he’d might very well have lived on in the assumption that some people are just stupid cry-babies, irrationally afraid of catching colds even in sunny weather.
For lonely, arrogant people, (and many arrogant people are lonely) the explanation that people are " just stupid" is an easier one, then “maybe I’m not as smart as I think I am”. And if such arrogance doesn’t get properly corrected in childhood, it won’t be automatically corrected in adult life. Most people confronted with arrogance, like the posters in this thread, just prefer to roll their eyes silently at us arrogantio’s. But we don’t learn anythign that way. We have either have learned to tone down, or, we have learned to filter out the irritated glances other throw them, having convinced ourselves those glances must be caused by jealousy, or because " people are just jerks" .

So Gladstone, could you bring up the courage to tell your co-student, in a constructive manner, how he comes across? You would do him, (and the world who has to deal with him the rest of his life) a huge favour.
“Hello X! Say, I was wondering, could you help me with something? Whenever me or my friends hold a presentation I often see you rolling your eyes and whispering to the people next to you. And you know, that gives me an uneasy feeling, like my speeches are somehow not quite right. Since we’re in a class on public speaking and all, could you tell me what you think is wrong with my speeches? I really want to better my performance, and I’d appreciate your input.”

All of this delivered in a sincere, friendly tone of voice, of course. He’ll probably turn red and walk off stammering. :slight_smile: Really, in this way, you’ll scare the shit out of your classmate, you’ll give him a lot to think about, and best of all: you’ll be impeccably polite. :slight_smile:

Of course, if he responds with pointing out to you all he thinks IS wrong with your speech techniques, then the guy is beyond help and deserves all he’s going to get. :slight_smile: