I'm too big for this world

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m a big guy. 6’3", 240 pounds, all muscle*. I’m too fucking big for this planet.

Clothes don’t fit me. My legs are longer than usual, but normal enough that I can generally buy stuff that fits. But, my torso is long. Looking at me it’s not as if I’m some kind of freak. But, clothes made for humans just don’t fit on me at all. I’ve become used to turning down the free t-shirts that get offered to people at most events these days. They can be XXXXXL, it matters not. Unless you make them extra tall, it’s not going to fit. Every shirt I wear is from LLBean. They are one of the only places around that makes nice clothes in tall sizes.

Finding hunting clothes is basically impossible. LLBean won’t even make them in tall sizes. What do they think? Hunters are all short little dwarves? You can get a hunting jacket or shirt made for a 500 pound fatso with no problems at all. But, try and find one that’s made for a person a couple inches taller than normal and you are just shit out of luck.

Cars don’t fit me. I recently was shopping for a new car. I don’t fit into fucking anything. I drove a 1994 Ford Explorer. I fit into that. The new ones they make now won’t fit me. My head scrapes along the roof on the car. My hair gets static and messed up. This is a full size SUV, not some prius for Og’s sake. I love the Subaru Baja’s. It has everything I was looking for in a vehicle. I walked onto the lot and the salesman took one look at me and just sighed. He knew they had nothing to offer me. Now my asshole friend is going to buy one because he’s normal sized and has listened to me talk about how great they are. Fucker.

Hats. OK, WTF is up with hats? Cars and shirts I can at least find, albeit with some difficulty. I am 28 years old. I’ve been buying stuff on the internet for nearly a decade. I have never in my life found a baseball cap that actually fit me. Not a one. They can take this “one size fits all” and go fuck themselves. One size certainly doesn’t fit my huge damn head. I can adjust the back to the largest setting and the hat will still just perch atop my head like a Jewish kippot.

It would be nice during certain outdoor activities to not have the fucking sun baking my sweating Irish brow all damn day. Don’t even try and suggest some kind of visor. Even if I could swallow my own vomit long enough to put one of those fucking things on I would probably discover that they don’t make them large enough to cicumnavigate my huge noggin.

I wear a size 12 1/2 shoe. Sometimes I can fit into a 12. Sometimes I can fit into a 13. Most of the time one is too large and the other too small. Due I suppose to some international conspiracy against tall people every shoe manufacturer on the planet makes half sizes only up to size 12. I guess us big footed people just have to suffer.

I’m wearing shoes right now that are too damn big for my feet. The 12’s were too small, so I bought the 13’s. To remedy the situation, I went to WalMart and bought those Dr. Scholls foot gel things. I figured they would help take up the extra space. They come in a big size, and you are supposed to trim them to fit with scissors. Guess fucking what? They are too small. What. The. Fuck. The damn short people are going to need to trim them down to fit no matter what. It’s not like making them big enough for me would have bothered anyone.

I mean, being tall does have it’s advantages. I can see over cube walls with ease. I’ve read studies that show we tend to get paid more. I’m easy to pick out of a crowd.

But these positives are outweighed by the entirely avoidable disadvantages our society puts on tall people. I mean 6’3" isn’t exacly a giant. My brother is 6’6" and I can’t even imagine what he goes through. I’m inside the bell curve of height enough that stuff should fit me. I should be able to get a hat that fits. Maybe at a special store, maybe on the net. But, it should at least exist. A full fucking size SUV should fit me. They can have pedal adjusters for you little elves who can’t reach down. But, it’s easier to get tiny people into big stuff than it is to get big people into tiny stuff.

This fucking planet sucks. It’s just too damn small. I want to get off.

  • The above referenced muscle includes lots of fat.
2

If you’re looking for a car, try the Honda Civic hatchback. I think Ted Washington would fit in one - there’s WAY too much space in the front seat on those cars.

3

Have a look at Carhartt - they do make shirts in that ever-so-rare XLT size. For me, the problem isn’t so much long torso, but long monkey arms. Most “long” sleeve shirts end midway on my forearms.

If you find someone that makes insoles suitable for size 14 feet, please let me know. My toes hang off the ends of the regular ones.

Sounds like we’ve got the same size melon on our shoulders, as well.

4

Don’t feel too bad - I worked with a Samoan guy that ran about 6’5 and somewhere between 280-320 - mostly muscle.

His wife divorced him and the settlement left him with their Fiat Cinquecento.

He was bitter, as it was obviously intentional on her part.

5

Well, Debaser, I can identify. I’m 6’ 255. While I find shopping mostly ok, there are times that I can’t find shit that fits me anywhere-I can’t shop at Macy’s since they serve only the beautiful people, and I can’t shop at a big and tall store because I’m not half as big or as tall as their target market.

I also have huge feet. Somewhere between a 12 and a 13 depending on the maker. So I have your feet, your muscle and fat and I don’t have that extra 3" that you were blessed with.

Sam

6

heh-heh…heh-heh… He said extra 3"… heh-heh…heh-heh

7

Damn… I’m not as tall as you, but I’m definitely a teddy bear type o’ guy. Recently tried to buy some clothes when I visited my folks in vermont and found out that they simply don’t make things that fit me, at least not in most lines of clothing. Fuckers.

Oh, and, merely a quibble: Kipah is singular, kippot is plural.

8

No one buys me clothes…EVAR!
My standing request for birthdays, Christmas, etc is for no clothing, please.

Why?

Neck: 22
Sleeve Length: 36
Pants waist :44-50, depending on the manufacturer
Inseam: 32
Hat : 8 1/4
Shoe: 15WIDE

Needless to say, I don’t shop for clothes when I need them. Rather, I am ALWAYS on the lookout for something that fits and, if it does and I like it, I buy it right then; regardless if I need it.
I refuse to try to wear suit and tie any longer. I’ve got several black polo shirts that I bought at Wal-Mart that fit me nicely. With some khaki Dockers and a sportcoat goes quite well.

9

Another 12 & a half shoe size checking in. Would it be too much trouble for shoe makers to make a 12 & a half? About those inserts? Fuck Dr. Shcolls! Bastards.

10

Same boat, my friend. I feel your pain, as a man who is 6 foot 2 with a 30 inch inseam. The rest of me is acres of torso. If it’s not a tall size, it will not fit. I have to buy most of my shirts at Casual Male in a 3XLXT, or my belly WILL hang out. I say “most” only because I can manage to find dress shirts of sufficient length off the rack, on occasion.

About driving: I drive a 1996 Ford Ranger extended cab pickup. Amazingly, the truck has plenty of headroom for me. I imagine that a non-extended version wouldn’t let me lean back far enough, but as it is, I drive without a care. Have you looked at current Rangers or other trucks? A big guy has GOTTA have a truck!

11

I feel your pain, but not nearly as much. I’m female and 5’9.5", while my weight fluctuates all over the scale. Right now I’m working on becoming a size 12 again, but I’m fluctating between 14 and 16 right now, depending upon the manufacturer and many variables that determine my size during any given day/hour. I’ve bought women’s long-sleeved clothing in the past, only to find that the sleeves are generally about two inches too short. Almost all the shirts that are cut to reach the hips of most females end at my navel… but my pants generally don’t want to reach anywhere near that point. (I don’t particularly like not having the option of covering my midriff.) Shorts are awkward, for a 4 inch inseam (the standard is around 3 inches unless you want bermuda shorts or walking shorts) will appear on me as if I’m wearing a 1 inch inseam; in addition, many shorts manufacturers either want the pants to go up to my waist with a perma-wedgie, or they don’t think I need to cover more than my pubic mound and most of my ass crack. If I’m in a regular store, most clothing won’t fit me because it either needs some length added to it or my hour glass body shape isn’t in consideration when the clothes were made. My boobs make most tank top and buttoned shirt styles look awkward, and it’s mostly because the shirts are designed for a woman two cup sizes smaller than me. It’s also rare that I get a pair of pants or jeans that are within a comfortable inseam allowance unless I shop in the mens’ section… and even then the choices are either to have something slightly too short or slightly too long and not made to fit for a smaller waist and larger hips.
I’ve already invested in a sewing machine on the off-chance that I can eventually have the time and the money to make more of my own clothes.

I can only imagine what car shopping will be like for me, for I can’t sit in the back seat of many cars because my head hits the top too easily. At least there’s always the option of a luxury sedan if I can afford it…

12

And you don’t even mention trying to fit into an airplane seat! I always feel sorry for big tall guys on long flights, or at least I would if I weren’t feeling so sorry for myself when I have to sit next to them. Their knees are in my space, their feet are in my space, their shoulders and elbows are in my space, ugh, I hate it! I’d rather sit next to a comfortably squishy fat person any day than next to one of those lumbering six-foot-plusers with projecting joints everywhere. I know it’s not their fault that airlines don’t make seats big enough for them, and I’m never mean to them about it, but ye gods is it annoying.

Debaser: *Cars don’t fit me. […] I drove a 1994 Ford Explorer. I fit into that. The new ones they make now won’t fit me. […] This is a full size SUV, not some prius for Og’s sake. *

The Car Talk guys had a column about finding an SUV to fit a tall driver, but it sounds as though the only one they mentioned (the Explorer) is no good for you. Oddly enough, although they said that Japanese SUVs tended to be smallish, they got a response from a 6’5" guy who enthusiastically recommended the Subaru Forester!

(By the way, the Toyota Prius is definitely not a tiny little compact: it’s actually a midsize, but people much over 6’ would probably have headroom problems in it. Interestingly, I’ve heard that Volkswagen models, such as the New Beetle and the Passat, are actually very big-friendly! Tall guys who thought they couldn’t drive anything but trucks were quite comfortable in a Passat.)

13

At 6’3", 200 lbs, clothes are no real problem to me – been wearing Levi’s 501s for practically all my life. Went from 34/34 to 36/34 about ten years ago and that was that. OTOH, my size 13 puppies are a real problem to shod. Think it’s a problem in the States, you ought to try overseas. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Hell, most salespeople give me a sad little smile when I ask if they have a particular style in my size, sort of like saying “yeah, right, freak!”

I feel your pain…in my toes.

14

I hear you!

I’m 6’3", around 195lbs.
(if it weren’t for 35mi/wk running, I’d be 240lbs)

On my days on the USS Nimitz, I never walked anywhere without my baseball cap. That way, when I bashed my head on that annoying valve handwheel that hung down a bit too low while walking through the mess decks or whathaveyou, it wouldn’t hurt too much.

Forget serving on submarines. I have toured both modern and WWII subs and both are too tight for the likes of us. But you would have figured that a freakin’ aircraft carrier would have plenty of headroom.

I gotta buy size 14 shoes. Take my word for it, it’s real important to have big enough shoes. I wore 13s for years until I got an ingrown toenail and a burly podiatrist with huge hairy arms used pliers to remove half of the big nail on my right foot (thankfully while anesthesized, but it was kind of creepy feeling him yanking).

Of course, the huge shoe size means that I go into a great big shoe store, look at a salesperson say “14?”, and he/she kindly points out the two styles available (quite ugly). Internet shoe ordering is truly the best.

About pants and shirts. I have always figured that tall folks are all more robust than I am. If I wear a large anything, it’s too damned floppy. If I wear medium, the sleeves are too short.

I have a love/hate relationship with air travel. On the one hand, there is always the the little boy in me who glimmers with excitement as the jets roar on takeoff, but on the other hand, I strongly dislike having my knees wedged into the next passenger’s seat. Exit row seating isn’t nearly as safe an option as I would like – either it isn’t available, or it ensures that I will be sitting next to the only people larger (and fatter) than me.

(on preview, I see Kimstu mentioned the airplane seats)

It’s cool to be able to reach everything.
I like being able to chat over a cube farm with the only other tall dude in the room.
I see on top of everyone’s refrigerators.

I once filmed my wife and her sister (both 5’2") while they were chatting, from my eye level. When I showed them the perfectly normal looking video, they both exclaimed:
“That’s what we look like to you?”
“Yup.”
“We look like children!”

15

I’m only 6’2", but I just bought one, and it has about 6" clearance above my head, and it’s the only car I’ve ever owned that I don’t put the seat all the way back on. You might find the seats a little narrow, though. (I’m skinny.)

I buy all my clothes from catalogs, too, to get tall sizes. My biggest problem is finding 12AA shoes.

16

See, this is why it’s good to be short (I’m 5’2"). If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Therefore there is no need to clean it. Though I did get caught short (ha) the other day when my boss (6’4") came in my cube and told me the tops of the bookshelves needed to be dusted. Who knew?

Debaser, what’s your hat size? My husband is mostly average size, but he does have a big ol’ bucket head and I can ask if him if the place he’s gotten baseball caps from would work for you.

17

I came in here to mention airplanes, and I see I’ve been beaten to it twice. I’m going to chime in here anyway.

I’m not exceptionally tall (5’11"), but I am 235 pounds of mostly muscle and bone. I say bone because I have very broad shoulders, which is where most of my problems come in. Forget about trying to sit in the middle seat of coach. I’ve gone in to get a suit tailored and seen the look of surprise on the guy as he measures my neck and shoulders like he’s never seen anyone like me before. Last time they even had to find me a special suit that had enough fabric to be let out to fit me.

18

And yet, somehow, my younger brother - at 6’4" and 275-300 lbs - fits himself into his little Dodge Neon every day. He finds clothes that fit him quite nicely and he can find size 14 shoes with little fuss.

I don’t get him.

19

Actually, phouka, I didn’t mention cars in my post because they don’t seem to bother me. I regularly drive a Saturn, a Ford Ranger, and a VW Jetta. I don’t feel uncomfortable in any of them.
The trick seems to be to lean the seat back. It doesn’t please any children who happen to be behind me, though. The Jetta is particularly nice in that you can adjust the seat to sit very low, so my head is in just the right spot.

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http://www.reallybigfeet.com/