I want a relationship, but I feel no desire to find one or work on getting one. Even if the perfect man fell into my lap (even literally), I don’t think I’d go with it. All my desires and expectations are so unrealistic, and my personality so incompatible with others’ in such an intimate setting that the only being I could ever have a long-term, faithful, and honest relationship with, without me being disappointed (at least while alive), is God. It’s a win-win situation: if he doesn’t exist, I won’t get hurt when I’m dead, and I won’t be hurt by some human while alive (which is bound to happen); if he does exist, I’ll be ushered into heaven where I can join him whom I loved while alive.
WRS, I can relate. The woman of my dreams is definitely the Goddess. Fortunately for me, in Tantric doctrine She can manifest endlessly in human woman form.
If you’re going to create an imaginary friend, why stick with the Christian God template? Would it not be more interesting to, say, create a divine being who was subservient to you and obeyed your every whim? Not only would you find your relationship, you’ll have promoted yourself to the status of meta-god!
Or something equally interesting. Use your imagination!
If a person’s spiritual life is such that they want to devote themselves to it, more power to them. However, it sounds to me as though you might be doing it for the wrong reason. It’s a choice to be made out of a positive devotion, not because you worry that life will be empty for you otherwise.
It sounds to me like you’re selling yourself short, because I’ve had the same kinds of fears. Nevertheless I’ve had several loving, exceedingly intimate, and exciting relationships, and I’m waiting for more.
If there are parts of your personality you really think are incompatible with the relationship you want, you can adjust them or adjust your expectations, but it would be unfortunate if you gave up on what you wanted because fear and low self-esteem held you back.
I know this sounds trite, hackneyed, and even corny, but it’s no less true for all that. Love yourself, develop yourself, give yourself a chance to blossom and find inner peace. That will make it easy for you to love and be loved. Give yourself time to grow into who you’re meant to be. You will find that loving relationships naturally grow out of your self-worth.
Now, to be trapped in conservative social roles that society forces upon us, that seriously sucks. We have to keep working to make society be more accepting of those who are different.
I agree with Matt_mcl. I don’t know (and don’t care) what religion you are, WeRSauron, but choosing this path for the wrong reason will certainly do more damage than good. Dedicating your life to a relationship with God is something that should be an ongoing thing, not something you arrive at because you are having relationship problems with guys.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t consider a religious life dedicated go God. Whether it is becoming a Nun, minister, or any other religious position, just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.
Have you talked to your pastor or other religious leader about this?
Seriously, bhakti is a religious style that has spiritually sustained many. Maybe it could help you get your existential shit together, which if you took care of that first, could eventually allow you to blossom socially. Religion could be a means of liberating yourself… or it could turn out a control-trip bummer, as so often happens. Sort of a dangerous approach to life, isn’t it? Has anyone noticed this resemblance between religion and psychedelic drugs? When you roll the religion dice or the drugs dice, will you get liberation or a bummer?
There are sensible ways, I think, to help ensure a good trip and no bummer in either case. I hope your bhakti is a benign experience. WRS, I have seen that you have an intensely religious/mystical/occult nature. You’ve been feverishly searching for a spiritual path all the time we’ve known you here. From all I can see of you, it’s entirely within your nature to use religion to work on your problems. I can dig that, because I live similarly, but it’s made me aware of the dangers: just as longtime druggies have seen their share of bad drug-burnout cases, so longtime religionists have seen bad cases of religion burnout. The whole of upper New York State was notorious for suffering religion burnout during the Second Great Awakening. (You know that well. The background of Mormon history. The “Burnt-Over District.”) Some of the effects of the First Great Awakening in Massachusetts weren’t that pretty, either. See A History of God by Karen Armstrong.
So smoke your bhakti and may it do you good, friend, but be careful, OK?
Your posts are being read, dissected and mapped, a Straight Dope composite of The Dark Lord is being developed. Is that creepy? How far is Mordor from Denver?
Very wise and insightful replies, indeed. Not very incite-ful or in-cite-ful (Ha ha. I make a pun. Or two.), but nevertheless.
Indeed, seeking religion for the wrong reasons can be very harmful, if not disrespectful. So, I will reevaluate my motives, even though my spiritual march goes on (and on and on and on and on an - ooooh! Cool temple!). I thank Dopers for setting me straight again.
What I need to do is loosen up, become less arrogant and stubborn, and learn more about myself. In other words: just chill. And bhakti won’t hurt. I just need to find a good target for my bhakti. Unless Buddhism’s the answer. Then I’d go either with Pure Land or Vajrayana. (I can only see the tabloid headlines: “The Dark Lord becomes Buddhist! He praises Amitabha Buddha!”)
Then the Straight Dope can publish an award-winning, best-selling, lucrative report: The Straight Dope on The Dark Lord: the Straight Dope Composite of His Dark Lordship Sauron, Lord of the Rings: with an introduction by the Dark Lord Himself - long may He reign!. Then no more need for subscriptions!
Yeah, but you can seek religion for the wrong reasons and later be convinced for the right reasons. I started seeking God to fulfill a psychological need and have come to see God as a whole lot more than a security blanket.
God might also be the man of my dreams, but to be horribly, horribly blasphemous :o , you can’t have sex with God. Seeking a relationship with God and a relationship with another person aren’t mutually exclusive, and there’s pitfalls (albeit different ones) with each.
