Over the summer I had my older daughter (age 4) tested for placement into a new Pre-K program at the elementary school she’ll be attending. Acceptance is based on educational need, and she tested 3rd highest in the county of all the kids who registered (obligatory monologue about how my kid is Einstein, brag, boast, blah, blah, yadda, yadda) so was placed 3rd from the bottom of the waiting list. I was led to believe at that time that there was no chance of getting into the program.
A little background: Chloe, my 4-year-old, was born prematurely. At the time she was born I had a great job which I loved. I didn’t go back to work after maternity leave; I couldn’t bear to leave her. Four months later I was knocked up again. I have made it a priority to stay home with my kids while they’re little. I have never paid a babysitter to stay with them. We have a couple of really close friends who have taken care of them in our home, and my parents take them out or to their house occasionally. We do not allow my husband’s parents to take them out of the house unsupervised (long story more suited to the Pit). My kids spent the night with my parents, who live less than a five-minute drive from us, for the first time in June. Suffice it to say I have some hang-ups about my kids.
Monday morning the phone rings early - the Pre-K teacher is calling to say that enough children have moved, found other arrangements for the school year, declined, etc. to accomodate everyone on the waiting list. I do some soul-searching along with my husband and we decide to give it a shot. We’ve been getting together immunization records, birth certificate, going to the school to register, etc. all week. Then my dad asked her what kind of lunch box she wanted to buy, and I broke down. I know I’m a weinie. I can’t help it. I just can’t imagine that someone else is going to be shaping the way she sees the world now. I feel like she’s not mine anymore, and her sister isn’t far behind. She starts school Tuesday. The teacher and teacher’s aide came to our house today to get acquainted. They’re both sweet as pie (I didn’t realize until then that we already knew them). I know it’s the best thing for her, but I’m still having trouble with it.
I’m looking for sympathy here…can anyone tell me how to deal with this empty-nest stuff? I’ve cried all week. I’m afraid that Chloe will lose her enthusiasm for school if she sees me in this shape. Suggestions, please?