Why would you even tell her, “it’s been a while”? You haven’t forgotten any of what you’re supposed to do. You’re going to do fine – or not – based on who you are and how you feel about her, not based on how long it’s been.
Basically, what you’re saying is, “I’m insecure about what we’re doing,” and why would you want to do that? I know where you’re coming from; my biggest mistake is always to overthink things, and what you’re doing is a species of that. Just let it happen and do your best in the moment.
This might also be out of the question for her first time with him, too! Not sure how old the OP is, but there’s nothing wrong with working up to p-in-v over the course of a few dates. Help you remember where everything goes!
And I, personally, love a little humorous self deprecation as long as it’s paired with unbridled enthusiasm.
Well, everyone wants to be good in bed, right? No one wants to meet a great gal and then totally blow it (pun intended), I don’t think. However, I’m pretty sure that any rational person, at least one with a functioning heart, would understand how powerfully screwed-up it would be for someone to dump their partner just because he sucked at having sex. Sex is important in a relationship but, in the grand scheme of things, a relationship which may have the potential to last a lifetime should not be decided on the basis of how good or bad the sex is. That’s just pathetically shallow. You’d give up 50 or 60 years of companionship and love just because some dude couldn’t cut it for ten minutes? Blech.
Saw it just a few weeks ago. Maybe that scene gave me the idea for lowering expectations.
So can you go for a long time without playing a musical instrument, or skiing, or doing anything else that requires some experience and skill, and then just start again at the top of your form? Am I wrong to see sex as a skill that can be enhanced with practice and lost (partially at least) without it?
How do you know that? I’m not sure I ever knew half of what I was “supposed” to do, whatever that means. I sure I’ve forgotten a lot over the past mumble years. Remind me: who ties up who?
I think you’re right. Thanks for the reassurance.
And thanks to everyone else for the advice. I don’t know exactly what I thought I could gain by saying something in advance, but as I said, I had an urge to do it. But in the back of my mind I wasn’t sure it was such a great idea, which is why I sought the experience and wisdom of the Dope.
So I think I’ll keep my trap shut. If she thinks going to bed with me is a good idea, she has only herself to blame for whatever happens. I hope she doesn’t mind if I jump out of bed immediately to post in one of those “how long has it been threads” that I’ve been avoiding up till now.
Well, considering you posted this at about 1:30AM your time, I was kind of concerned (until I read your post) that you did jump out of bed immediately to tell us how it went! (“What are you doing sweetie?” “Telling my friends on the Internet how it was! Hey, where you going?”)
I’d like to add that it is possible that the minute man technique is a compliment to the woman. If it’s always the result of an extended hiatus from sexual activity, please don’t ruin the illusion for me.
I have had a few experiences with men where the fun, uh, didn’t last very long. In an effort to boost my own impression of my sexual prowess (because women can doubt themselves too, ya know), I’ve said to myself, “Wow, I’ve really blown this guy’s mind. That was record timing. I must have been so hot he was unable to control himself a second longer”.
Naturaly, if the man had pre-apologized for his performance or made a reference toward disappointing me, I wouldn’t have been able to maintain this little fantasy. Of course, I am personally experiencing a record breaking dearth of sexual activity, so perhaps I need to revisit this whole “I’m great in the sack” theory anyway.
It’s cool. It was pretty obvious that you didn’t read it, considering your response had very little to do with what I actually said. Though it is clear that you read at least two sentences of it, though. Carry on.
I’m glad you posted this, because I’ve wondered the same thing. How often is it that a 2-minute performance is due to a man’s response to a specific woman?
Exactly. If you’re worried about staying power (and recovery period), it’s time to abuse yourself. She’s likely to be forgiving in all situations, but it’s much better for you if you’re not able to finish than finishing early. “I’m nervous,” only sounds good in one of those situations.
I wouldn’t sweat it too much, on the basis that first times tend to suck anyway. Doesn’t matter if you’re a 12th level fuckmeister who learned the ancient sex secrets of Nepal, the first time with a new partner will be kind of awkward and not really worth remembering. There’s this whole mutual exploration thing to go through before the earth shattering kabooms start to happen, at least in my experience.
It’s only when the fifth time is still kind of awkward and not really worth remembering that you should start worrying.
I’m absolutely, firmly, 150% in the “say nothing” camp. Assume the best–that everything will go fine–and if it doesn’t, only then do you need to say anything. Her expectations are not likely that high. Don’t put them on the ground!
And. for the second time in as many days, I agree completely with kanicbird. Just let it happen.
I think where some men go wrong here is to think of it as a performance. Which might be fine to people who get a thrill out of performing, but for most of us that just causes anxiety.
You should raise her expectations. Wait until she can’t keep her hands off you. Take things very slowly. That’s my advice. And just let it happen.