Let’s assume you just started having sex with someone, but maybe they are a virgin, or have little experience, and for the first few encounters they suck. How long would you put up with bad sex before realizing that your coaching isn’t doing any good and you should move on?
And also, would being in love with this person prior to starting to have sex (as opposed to a fling or short term sexual relationship) affect how long you would give them to get better?
What kind of suck are we talking about? “Can’t quite get the hang of it yet” suck, or “What the fucking hell do you think you’re doing?” suck? Is this guy making any effort? I mean, it’s a really situational kind of thing. I’d give a guy who was honestly trying his best but just couldn’t quite get it together a really, really long time. I’d immediately dump a guy who insisted on doing stuff I didn’t like or just wasn’t putting forth any effort to get better, but not simply because of the bad sex. I’d dump him because he wasn’t listening to me, or taking my priorities and preferences seriously. Of course, guys like that tend not to listen or take you seriously out of bed either, so I’d probably never find out whether he sucked or not.
CrazyCatLady’s got it. It comes down to why he’s bad in bed. There’s a big difference between someone who’s trying hard to please and listening to what you want - even if they’re not getting it right yet, they’re willing to keep trying - and someone who is just there to get what he can for himself.
I figure too, that in a new sexual relationship, there are going to be things that I am doing that he doesn’t like or that I could be doing better, and I"m willing to make changes if he is as well.
Soapy, is that you?
to ME, sex is a big thing, so he better have it going good in the bedroom. I would give them quite some time to develop, though. But if it was that freaky stuff CrazyCatLady spoke about, you couldn’t clock how fast I’d be running. 
Is it me? No, I’m afraid not, I’m still a virgin with no prospects on the horizon. This is just some more of my hypothetical worrying, but I figured that since my guest privileges here run out on the 21st, that I had better ask about any concerns I have while I still have time.
Atleast with lack of experience, there’s alway potential. I’d give him a long time to learn. Unless, everything he knows about sex, he learned from watching hardcore porn, and expects it to be like that.
I’m curious as to what constitutes bad sex. Aside from being inconsiderate or creepy, I mean. If it’s possible to describe bad sex and keep away from TMI.
Would a guy (and I’m speaking hypothetically, here) who did not have much staying power (three-pump chump) be considered bad in bed? If so, is it a deal breaker (for this unnamed theoretical male)? Let’s assume (purely for discussion purposes) that this fictional man was not just a kid. Would this strictly-a-creation-of-my-mind be doomed to forever walk through this world alone?
I’m wondering about this too. So many women on this board have used that term, and I don’t know what MAKES someone bad in bed. Any clarification would be great ladies.
Soapbox Monkey, don’t be so worried. I think many women consider it “bad sex” if their partner acts like he doesn’t care about them, in or out of bed. Just be sure you genuinely care about your partner, and it will work out fine. If she also cares about you, the two of you can pass a lot of fun hours figuring things out. 
We women of course tend to focus more on the communication side of sex, and that is definitely important. But, technically, a few things come (uh…pun intended??) to mind in the “bad sex” category:
It’s all in his attitude, and imho, in his kiss. Generally if a man can kiss, and has the “want to” to go along with it, he’s good in bed, and vice versa.
But as my fellow “girls” here have said, it IS very much the 'why" of it. As much as you want to, and worry about it, I have no doubt you’ll blow your lucky intended away.
So say you’ve met a guy and over the course of a few months you’ve fallen deeply in love (we’re not talking passionate infactuation, you’re thinking this guy is THE one). So then you jump into the sack, and he turns out to be a premature ejaculator. Are you going to end it right there?
Bad in bed to me means not getting me off. That’s the most succinct definition I can give. In my case it’s really not all that difficult, so the few who haven’t managed it are what I consider “bad.”
A few reasons why these chaps were bad:
–One guy hurt me. It was like he was trying to batter down the gates of Troy. No matter how many times I asked him to be gentler, he always did it the same way, and I really think he didn’t understand what was doing wrong. I couldn’t bear to be with him physically anymore. It sucked, and I put up with it for a ridiculously long time because I thought I loved him.
–Premature ejaculation. Every single time. Again, I put up with it, made suggestions, but no change happened. He was actually pretty self-righteous about it.
–This other guy would always pull out right at the moment when he should have been pressing his advantage, so to speak, and would change the rhythm even when it was obviously working. I felt like he was trying to prevent me from fully enjoying the experience.
The funny thing that I am just realizing as I write this is that the way these guys had sex was exactly how they were in a relationship. There’s a lesson here.
Well obviously, if you love someone, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. People can learn and change. But I would define “bad in bed” as not engaging in foreplay, or not having enough foreplay, or not taking time to pleasure me…that would be considered bad in bed. Or worse yet, someone who has no sex drive at all, that sure is a bummer 
Slight hijack: that brings up another question. Men: what makes a woman bad in bed? And is that a deal-breaker?
What kind of time frame are we talking about here, as far as what constitutes a premature ejaculator?
I can’t deal with that S&M freaky stuff. For me it wouldn’t be about bad sex, it’d be about whether or not he wanted me to wear leather and spank him. Sex can always be improved. People can’t shake that hoodoo whips and chains stuff, though.
I’m a meat and potatoes kinda gal when it comes to sex, I guess …
Having one or two episodes of premature ejaculation does not a premature ejaculator make. If it’s an habitual sort of thing and the man does nothing to address it, then it’s really a problem. From listening to men talk, I’ve come to realize that their first sexual experience–with someone else, of course :)-- is often on the catastrophic side. Most say that their second experience, uh, shortly after, is a big improvement.
A guy who doesn’t listen to what his partner says or communicates otherwise and just goes after his own pleasure is what I’d call a bad lover. As other people have pointed out, they’re usually not the greatest people out of bed either.
As for being a virgin and sort of failing the first time, don’t worry about it. Things will improve pretty fast.
I’d break it down like so:
Deal breaker? After a while, yea. If it’s all I’m going to be getting for the forseeable future, the gettin’ better be good.
Heh, So what if the guy is a little nervous and can’t get the little soldier to stand at attention when the time comes. Do you give him a second chance?
This actually happened to me many years ago. I was so humiliated over the expirience that I couldn’t bring mysellf to call the girl back. I figured she probably didn’t want to hear from me anyway…(ftr… I was young and still inexpirienced around women; hence the nervousness…)
Hmm, Now that I look back on that, maybe that was an A-hole thing to do by not calling her back…