Ugh…
In my mind, failing the first time is not an option. Whoever I’m with will have likely been with at LEAST one guy before, possibly more (I am 19 after all) so she will probably know her stuff, unfortunately. 
That alone is gonna make it hard enough for her to get me in bed the first time, and should I blow it (no pun intended), it would probably be months before she could convince me to give in another try.
I agree with everybody who has said that being bad in bed is all about attitude. Sex is rarely perfect the first time with anybody new, regardless of experience, simply because it takes time to adjust to someone new. No one has a perfect fits-all-sizes technique. Sure, everyone has their moves which can generally be relied on to provide results, but even then they must be tailored to the requirements of the other person. Being responsive to the other person’s reactions (and letting them know when you like what they are doing to you) is far more important than feeling you know everything about sex. This why a degree of emotional honesty and intimacy is important; if you can talk about it, you’re half-way there.
A good sex partner will try to make sure that his/her partner is also getting what s/he wants out of the encounter. Most people want at least one orgasm out of each encounter. Some want other experiences, as well. A guy who has problems with ejaculating before his partner has even gotten started on the road to Happy Place had better be prepared to offer an alternative route, if you know what I mean.
A bad sex partner will not take his or her partner’s needs and wants into consideration. For example, Rubystreak mentioned a guy who would was too rough, despite repeated requests to be gentler. THAT is a bad sex partner, and I would not think that he would improve no matter how much practice he got. He has to change his way of thinking before he can improve. It might be that the only way he can get his rocks off is by being rough, in which case he should seek out partners who like it that rough.
Generally, the traits that will make someone a bad sex partner will also make that person unpleasant to have any sort of relationship with. However, I’m basing this judgment on mostly secondhand experiences, as I’ve only had sex with two men in my life, and I’m married to one of them. I do, however, listen to my female friends, and I’ve noticed certain trends…someone who is thoughtful out of bed is very likely to be thoughtful in bed, as well.
Man, you need to worry less. At 19 she may think she knows something, but well lets face it she, she don’t know jack (even if Jack was the last guy). Women are very willing to give as much time as you need, particularly if you supplement your skills. If you are so damn nervous that you can’t get it up, then have a lot of oral fun. If you ejaculate too early then please her with your hand or orally (some guys would be grossed out by this after having sex as would some women, so it depends on the situation) until you are ready to go again. As you are young this should be in fifteen minutes max. Women actually enjoy “training” men. Some I have spoken with actually prefer a less experienced man particularly if he is willing to learn as they can teach him exactly what works for them.
As for what constitutes bad in bed with a woman, the simple answer is enthusiasm. In my experience how enthusiastic a woman is is directly proportional to how good the experience is. Those who are less enthusiastic, and particularly those with a poor self body image make for bad lovers.
Oh, and women can be more nervous than you at YOUR first time. My first was with a woman who had had a few lovers before. She was really nervous that my first wouldn’t be as wonderful as it could. Odd, I was the relaxed one.
Amen flight!
Don’t worry about failures, everyone has some sort at one time or another, usually of the worse sort at the worse time. The important thing is not to obsess about it, keep the enthusiasm and not let it be The End.
Last year, I was dating a guy for a few months, both of us rather excited to finally be getting to the naked stuff as we’d both been without for too long. Kissing was good, canoodling was good, I had high hopes (my first mistake) that we’d have a grand ol’ time. Funny thing, I consider oral a natural part of foreplay, thirty seconds later I realized he took it a wee bit more seriously.
Huh. Well, okay then, not the end of the world, right? Rather flattering, in fact, to think I thrilled him beyond his control limits even.
Except that he’s now done. Finished. All good to go. 
He was so insecure about his performance, or lack thereof, that he couldn’t deal. Three successive awful attempts proved that we had very different ideas about how to do It, but the real tragedy wasn’t his lack of control or prematurity, it was not being able to discuss it rationally and find alternatives that would satisfy us both.
Notice it took four horrid encounters for me to consider it deal-breaking, though. We’re really not that judgemental and far more flexible than we’re often given credit for, as long as the communication lines stay open.
Sex is goofy. It can be wonderful, dirty, sweet, hot, magical, life-altering, incredibly awful or fabulous but if you can’t laugh and just enjoy one another regardless of catastrophic ‘failures’, that constitutes being ‘bad’ in bed to me.
Well then I pray for an understanding woman.
And I fail to see how it could be just as catastrophic for a woman. How? If a woman has a premature orgasm, what’s the problem? She can just have more. How long sex lasts usually seems to be up to how long the guy can go for.
It’s like looking into the future.
With women the problem tends to be no orgasm, not one that’s too early. Do keep in mind that the clitoris is there and most women can’t have an orgasm without some attention being paid to it. Intercourse is great, but it doesn’t get me off by itself.
[voice of experience]No orgasm, though, is as frustrating as all hell, and the more you worry, the less likely one will happen. It’s an awful cycle to get into. [/voice of experience]
And any woman who would dump you because you’re a virgin and very nervous doesn’t deserve you. I was PETRIFIED the first time. He came back for more, though.
Ah Soapbox, don’t be so pessimistic. I mean that in a totally empathetic way :).
Somewhere around here is a thread (I can’t search for it) polling for people who lost their virginity when they were “older.” Many people responded that they were in their 20s and 30s. I never signed in but I easily had a lot of 'em beat. When I finally fell in love it was with a man who hadn’t had slept with anyone in years. The first time we got together and had sex, we couldn’t, really, though it wasn’t for lack of trying. (Not wanting to get too graphic here, I’ll just say that the stuff I’d read about girls riding bicycles and using certain feminine hygiene products lessening that particular “obstacle” turned out to be a load of crap.)
The point I’m attempting to make with this anecdote is that while we were both nervous the first time, and I was inexperienced, and the actual “having sex” part was a complete disaster, it didn’t matter. The problems we were having were damned funny and helped us relax and and just have fun. It clearly wasn’t a dealbreaker as we’re still together. The important thing is the intent, and the attempt and willingness to learn, not the initial performance.
Sex is funny. I mean ha-ha funny. Remember that. It doesn’t need to be a huge angsty production telling her it’s your first time, either. If it comes up in conversation beforehand, like if you responsibly want to make sure about lack of venereal diseases, that’s great. If you get into the heat of the moment and you haven’t told her, then when you’re starting to pull clothes off, it’s not too late to say “There’s something you should probably know…” laugh a bit about it, and it’ll take some pressure off of her as well. Don’t be so concerned about being great the first time, because, guess what, NOBODY is.
Soapbox Monkey: Listen, I’m going to be frank with you-- if you worry too much, it’s not going to work. Try to relax, man. First off, if you’re this concerned, make sure the first woman you sleep with is someone who cares about you, so you’re not out on a high wire with someone who might not have the reaction you need her to have. Next, if you want to make a good first impression, be sure you take care of her needs, no matter how it comes out for you, so to speak. Some ways to do this are:
–Foreplay: get her all worked up before you go in. Take your time, kiss and touch her all over, make her wait for it. This WILL work and will go a long way towards her thinking you’re a good lover.
–Oral sex: this works for most women, though not all. If worse comes to worst, you can always do this and make sure she has a good time. Or even if worse DOESN’T come to worst, she might like it anyway.
–Use your hands: even during intercourse, you can use your hands to stimulate her clitoris (easier to do in some positions than others), which in conjunction with sex, can be all it takes. Not all guys seem to know this, so if you do, you’ve got an advantage.
–Ask for her guidance: get her input on what you’re doing, ask questions, and LISTEN when she says “slower,” “faster.” “gentler,” “harder,” or whatever. Please.
–Be nice afterwards: I know this should be obvious, but it’s not.
Experience is NOT the determiner of a good lover. The guy who was too rough with me had been with many, many women but I did not enjoy him whatsoever. You probably could be better the first time you do it than he was after 17 years practice. I hope this makes you feel better. You’ll be fine-- the fact that you give a damn enough to ask for advice puts you ahead of a lot of guys who just don’t give a damn. I’ve been pretty lucky in this department, so I don’t want it to sound like I’m complaining.
I wish you the best. Good luck!
I love that advice! Sex is funny, and I love that!
It’s also a lot of fun, too. I was dating a guy who couldn’t understand why I would laugh during sex. He’d say, “What’s so funny?” even though my laughter wasn’t “haha,” but more like a joyful expression. He even hated it when I smiled. He couldn’t understand that I was happy because sex feels good and doesn’t alsways have to be so serious… Damn, I too had an epiphany just now about the direct correllation between his bedroom anxiety and our relationship. Ah, well. Now I have grrrreat sex.
But really, think fun. If you’re gonna sleep with someone that you can’t laugh hysterically with, don’t bother. That’s my 2 cents.
ZJ
Ah, geez, there’re just as many ways for us to mess up, believe me. Gagging, accidentally bending him, knocking heads or teeth together, being too dry/wet, the unexpected menstruation fairy visiting, trying a fabulous move only to have him shriek “what the Hell are you doing?” y’all don’t have a monopoly on angst. 
Lots of great advice in this thread, take it. Relax!
Let me rephrase and add to what I posted earlier – “no orgasm is frustrating when it happens over and over and over again.” I don’t mean to give you an anxiety attack, but more of a goal to work for – find what works for your partner. And for you. Seeing as you’re a total newbie, this will take more than one attempt. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. Some of sex is instinctual, but a lot more is learned, and must be relearned with each new person.
I bet there are A LOT more nineteen-year-old (or older) virgins, of either sex, than you think there are. I was 25 when I first Did It. My ex was 22 back in the Dark Ages when he did. (He was a good bit older than I was.)
And I repeat – if you go to bed with a woman who makes you feel bad if things don’t go as you hope the first time, she’s not worth the time. Everybody has a first time, or two, or three.
And please keep it coming. Since I can’t use the search feature, once this baby goes past page 2, she’s gone for good.
Without taxing the hamsters to search for a post of yours in all the subscription threads, may I ask why you’re leaving us?
Gotta third the whole “laughter” thing. If you can’t laugh at sex, then you are taking it way too seriously. In the immortal words of Samuel Johnson “Sex: the cost is damnable, the position is ridiculous, and the pleasure fleeting.”
Bad in bed means not being able to laugh about it. It’s that simple. Hell, I laugh when I see me naked…I expect my fiancee to laugh too (as long as she doesn’t point!). 
I don’t have a debit and/or credit card, which hinders me from spending any money on the net.
Premature ejaculation is only a deal-breaker if the fella refuses to a) acknowledge the problem or b) do anything about it.
If the guy has that particular problem, but is willing to try techniques to make it better (and there are some, and I know some) - no worries. However, if he acts all indignant when you don’t get off after 2.3 seconds that’s a big, big turnoff.
A soft-willy isn’t a deal breaker at all, assuming the little guy will work sometimes. I’ve been with a fella who couldn’t get hard the first time we were together becasue he was nervous about being with ME. That was actually sort of flattering, but he got over it in a hurry and then things were fine. Again, if it were a chronic problem that the man refused to address, that could be a deal maker.
Finally, regarding being a guy, and being a virgin - hope for a lady with a bit of experience - and older woman perhaps. Firstly, if she knows what she likes, she’s gonna be able to show you what she likes. Secondly, if she has some phat sexup skillzz, she may be able to help you figure out what YOU like, which is as important to a satisfying encounter. BTW - as they said in “Something about Mary” - if you think tonight may be the night, uh…ahem…wack off before hand - it will give you a bit more control when the time comes. 
I went out a good while with a guy who basically could not get it up - ever. Even though the creativity this forced us into had a good side, it was incredibly frustrating in the long run. It was not the reason we broke up, though, and had I loved him it would not have broken the deal, although I would have expected him to his utmost to try and sort it out.