Imminent sex after long hiatus. Should I lower her expectations in advance?

[commasense]

@Robot_Arm

No wonder it’s been a long dry spell if your standards are so high.

Yes, I should have followed Woody Allen’s advice: Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

[commasense]

@Robot_Arm

No wonder it’s been a long dry spell if your standards are so high.

Snappy comeback #2:

Well, I didn’t ask her if she had a pulse!

[Robot_Arm]

@commasense

Well, I didn’t ask her if she had a pulse!

Well, that depends on which answer you were hoping for, doesn’t it?

[Inter_Alia]

Thanks, Tom. I appreciate the well-thought-out response.

commasense, I am indeed female. With a pulse, even. We’d have to cyber, though, since I’m in Mississippi.

@Really Not All That Bright

Let him know how he’s doing. Moaning, panting, arching, clawing, screaming his name - all good.

I can do all that. Except the screaming. I’m not a screamer.

Thank you, gentlemen. I know I just need to relax, but it’s difficult to get to that point.

[Heffalump_and_Roo]

@commasense

So I think I’ll keep my trap shut. If she thinks going to bed with me is a good idea, she has only herself to blame for whatever happens. I hope she doesn’t mind if I jump out of bed immediately to post in one of those “how long has it been threads” that I’ve been avoiding up till now.

If she didn’t know before, she’ll know it then.

I love your sense of humor. I don’t get the issue. The whole thing is supposed to be fun, right? Whatever you say/don’t say, I hope you have a great time.

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

@Inter_Alia

I can do all that. Except the screaming. I’m not a screamer.

It’s learned behavior, you know.

[commasense]

@Heffalump_and_Roo

I love your sense of humor. I don’t get the issue. The whole thing is supposed to be fun, right? Whatever you say/don’t say, I hope you have a great time.

Thanks. I find that things I’ve been anticipating for a long time often start to appear more daunting than they deserve. For instance, several times I have put off doing some repair job on my car because I was nervous that it was going to be complicated or problematic in some way. The longer I put it off, the larger it loomed in my mind. When I finally got down to it, it was usually easier than I expected, and I felt a little silly having been so worried in the first place.

With any luck, my new romantic adventure will be the same, and not another humiliating and soul-crushing blow to my ego.

[dhkendall]

Note, sex is not like a car repair job.

"Honey, your spark plug seems to be disconnected, here let me … "

“YEOUCH!”

[commasense]

Okay, so I’ll leave the torque wrench at home. I might not compare favorably…

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

On the other hand, proper lubrication is equally important in both activities.

[drachillix]

@Inter_Alia

I can do all that. Except the screaming. I’m not a screamer.

Screamers are not born, they are made.

[commasense]

@Really_Not_All_That_Bright

On the other hand, proper lubrication is equally important in both activities.

I’ll never forget the time I mixed up the 10W/40 and the KY. The car was a total loss and that woman still won’t speak to me.

[Green_Bean]

So, once it happens, are you going to let us know what you decided and how it went? You don’t have to, of course, but I’d love to know the results.

p.s. Nobody uses KY anymore, even in jokes. Astroglide is now the standard.

[Robot_Arm]

@Green_Bean

p.s. Nobody uses KY anymore, even in jokes. Astroglide is now the standard.

Thanks, that’s good to know.
My clutch pedal has been squeaking.

[control-z]

If you’re worried about premature ejaculation just spank the monkey before your date.

[commasense]

@Green_Bean

So, once it happens, are you going to let us know what you decided and how it went? You don’t have to, of course, but I’d love to know the results.

A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell. And neither do I.

p.s. Nobody uses KY anymore, even in jokes. Astroglide is now the standard.

I told you, it’s been a long time!

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

I just spent about a minute and a half trying to find comparison sales figures for KY and Astroglide. Suffice to say, I now know more than I ever wanted to (which is to say, some) about the Kentucky Department of Revenue, and where to cheaply buy sex aids online, and no more than before about whether Astroglide has really overtaken KY.