Impending bad news, I fear

So, this morning, everyone in the company received an email from the boss, telling us to meet in the conference room at five for an important announcement.

Hmmm, says I to myself, says I.

It might be good news. Maybe we’ve landed that contract with (very big retail chain), or the staff stock participation scheme has been sorted out, or the design department is being sold off for medical experiments. Any of those would put a smile on my face.

But, the tone of the message, and the forced cheerfulness of upper management all morning, lead me to suspect otherwise. Most of the betting seems to be on a repeat of last year’s “We can’t afford to pay you right now, sorry about that” fiasco.

Whatever it is, the suspense is killing me. Well, causing twinges in my big toe, anyway.

Oh dear.

Perhaps they’re going to give you all presents, just 'cause? Maybe not.

They did that to us last year - turned out they had fired the executive director. Maybe it’ll be something relatively simple like that.

I will think happy thoughts for you.

Is it 5 o’ Clock yet???

It’s eight minutes past two. And my big toe is twinging like all get-out. Any and all good vibes and happy thoughts sent my way are thoroughly appreciated…

On the plus side, I’m finally getting somewhere with a hitherto intractable software debugging problem. Hmmm. Was it Dr. Johnson who said that “nothing concentrates a man’s mind so wonderfully as the knowledge that he is to be hanged the next morning”???

Did you ever find a convenient laundry or are you still staging expeditions to the hinterland ?
Good luck for the meeting.

Eighty-five minutes to go.

Most of the upper management types are still looking forcedly cheerful, but my direct supervisor (the crazed Australian one) is not notably good at dissembling… and he’s looking very glum.

L_C, it’s still the hinterland, I’m afraid. I think it would actually be quicker to do it by boat… if Halfords didn’t let me moor by their car park, I’d just tie up next to the vets’, and walk the rest of the way. :: Sigh :: I wish I had a boat.

I get like that too - immensely paranoid following any suspenseful office-based meeting. I’ve been thru a number of bankruptcies.

Have there recently been a) closed-door meetings; b) ridiculous micromanagement cost-cutting exercises (cutting down on milk, not buying newspapers)?

Good luck.

We had a meeting called like this once and I thought it was going to be something huge.

It turns out that payroll had a glitch and did not take the correct deductions from our paychecks which were about to be issued. It was an accounting nightmare for them, but not really very interesting meeting-wise.

Fingers are crossed here for you!

An hour to go.

Deep breaths.

Let us know how you get on, Steve.

Well how ironic - my CEO just told the entire company to meet in the boardroom at 5 o’clock.

Bloody hell, it’s contagious… good luck, mate!

That’s it, I’m closing my office door and forwarding all calls to my secretary… They can’t get me if they can’t find me, right?

You all get to go to meetings. I’m fending off people trying to get me to do their filing.

On the other hand, that’s not really the end of the world. Good luck guys.

If it’s contagious, remind me not to click on any threads of yours that say “Oh dear, my willy just fell off” or the like.

Well, that was fun. Unfortunately, we’ve all been Sternly Warned not to discuss this with outsiders. That probably means the rumours won’t start flying until, oooh, six o’clock.

Let’s just say that the thing I’m not supposed to discuss comes in “voluntary” and “compulsory” flavours, and anybody out there need a good web developer, works cheap, in nasty surroundings?

Hope things aren’t so bad for you, jjimm. If it’s any consolation, although I haven’t seen my willy in years, I know it’s still there…

hmmmm. Still no report. I hope all is well.

Really sorry to hear that, Steve. That sounds pretty shitty, though at least ‘voluntary’ is involved.

Mine wasn’t all negative, and I’m not allowed to discuss it either. There’s a chance I’ll be in your position too in a couple of months, but there’s a chance I won’t, too.

Sorry to hear that, Steve. You can work as our nanny if you like. Uniform required.

I’m sure there are loads of jobs around for a fellow with your sense of wit and charm. All the best.