Impossible topics

A recent Cafe Society thread about pineapple brought this to mind. Because, as most of you knew the moment you saw the word, it only took a few posts before somebody tried to start a pizza debate. Stunningly, in this case it didn’t work, and the thread continued to be about pineapple.

There are certain topics which simply cannot be discussed here, because they will immediately devolve into another debate.

  • Anything to do with aggressive dogs (There’s no such thing as a PIT BULL !!!11!11)
  • Any recipe involving cilantro (It’s genetic! No it isn’t! I hate that stuff!)

What other topics are impossible to discuss on the Dope?

Shoes on or off it the house.

Oprah.

Anything about modern religious practices is going to turn into “Well, it’s all Bronze Age mythology spaghetti monster Og pink flying unicorns blah blah blah”

“Why do women go for bad guys rather than nice guys?” - Maybe 100 threads, and all going in more or less the same circle.

What’s the right way to hang toilet paper? Under the roll or over it?

Should I have my cat declawed?

“I’d like advice on XYZ relationship hiccup” often turns into an “oh just dump 'em already” pileon without any actual advice.

Ketchup on hot dogs.

Ordering a steak cooked to well-done.

I think stuff like declawing or circumcision results in the same circular nonsense* but they at least stay on topic. But mentioning “My neighbor has angry dogs” will turn into pit bull stuff whether the OP is about pit bulls or not. Likewise, I half considered posting a Lent related topic but immediately grew tired just knowing 80% of the responses would be garbage about the validity of religion or “I gave up Lent for Lent hurr hurr!” rather than stuff about my query.
*Edit: well, assuming the topic was “Do you agree?”. I guess posting “Should my girlfriend split the bill for declawing the cat she got me?” would result in a debate about declawing whether you want one or not.

You can’t talk about FGM because it will become a talk on male infant circumcision.

The interesting experiment will be to see if this topic turns out to be an impossible one.
Can it avoid turning getting sidetracked into a ranting match about one of the topics that gets mentioned?

I always thought cat declawing and pit bulls were two of the classics for people getting really worked up. The toilet roll one I think is more along the lines of a template for parody rants.

Some of the arcane science & math ones are interesting.
“Does 0.9999… equal 1” comes to mind.

What is the square root of my shoe?

Shags love life.

No they aren’t!

An argument isn’t just contradiction. It’s a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

No it isn’t!

And speaking of toilet paper… Do you wipe yourself sitting or standing, and front to back or back to front?

Well, if you had them declawed then you could hang it the proper way, which is over because they won’t be able to unroll it as easily without claws.

Lying on my side. Cheek to cheek, like His Noodliness decreed.

I remember when the ladies here couldn’t start a bra thread with out it turning into a “It’s just a joke” “No it’s not!” argument.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20790068&postcount=63

…but that’s not important right now.

I hate bras, invented by men, no doubt. I think the secret is that…Victoria is a man!

No, they are unthinking nihilists. Cormorants on the other hand truly love life.