Iron Chef
This week’s secret ingredient is …
Fred Rogers would be at risk of friendly fire…
Only problem is that they leave her alone because she was devoid of the sweet…tasty…brain-like substance in her cranium.
She IS rather cute, though.
I’m pretty sure that, as an epic-level cleric, Mister Rogers had the ability to automatically turn mindless undead. They’d never even have made it into the Neighborhood.
Also, no doubt Mister Rogers would have the same basic familiarity with ghoul attack survival strategies that all Pittsburgh-area residents of his generation shared following the living dead uprising of 1968. In fact, I believe one of his show’s earliest episodes dealt with reassuring children and easing their fears in the wake of the tragedy.
Angel sort of did this during its first season. Recently deceased police officers were raised to patrol the streets.
And so, she promptly leaves the show again…seeing as there is not a functional brain in the entirety of Orange County.
Seinfeld:
George: Jerry! Ya gotta help me! Susan’s risen from the dead and is out to get me!
Jerry: I’m surprised she still wants you, all things considered.
George: Hey, like it’s my fault the glue on the wedding envelopes were toxic?
Jerry: I sometimes wonder.
Elaine enters.
Elaine: So it turns out David Puddy was zombified like two weeks and I didn’t notice. So, as a result, I’m a necrophiliac!
Jerry: You didn’t notice that he was acting a bit…shall we say…lobotomized?
Elaine: Jerry, we’re talking about Puddy. He always acts lobotomized!
George: What about his rotting flesh and the smell of decay?
Elaine: Well I still have that funky mattress that smells like the east river. I thought that was what I was smelling.
Zombie Kramer bursts through the door.
Kramer: Ni- I mean brains! Brains!
Elaine: Are you a zombie too? Or are you just realizing that you need one?
Jerry: All this talk about brains is making me hungry. Shall we go to the coffeeshop?
George: Okay.
Elaine: Whatever.
Zombie Kramer: The coffee-shop is closed, on account of zombie Newman eating the cook’s brains.
Jerry: Zzzzzzombies!!!
Celebrity Squares (oh wait that one allready is full of zombies)
Telly tubbies, Tinky-Winky stop eating those rabbits
Jerry: Hello, Newman.
Newman: …
<Zombie> Send…more…cops!</Zombie>
Kramer: It’s a zombie! It’s a zombie! Hey everyone, look at the zombie! Fifty years ago, we’d have you zombies upside down with a fork up your ass! Oh no, I’m gonna be arrested for calling a dead person a zombie…
I dunno, apart from the occasional poor choice, which even the most intelligent have been known to make, Seth and Sandy Cohen both possess some brainpower. And Summer is Ivy League material.
House.
“Okay, so he was diagnosed as dead … and let’s face it, he looks it … but he’s able to walk. Developing some antisocial tendencies and an appetite for unconventional foods. What’s the differential diagnosis on that?”
Monday Night Football - with zombies forming the teams. 'Cept I doubt they’d be able to defend against a Hail Mary pass.
No Sir, the Zombified Ewing Played for the Sonics, the badass drive to the hole and leave with brain truma center Played for the knicks 
Though how the hell the “drop step” was even close to legal had to be an act of god.
Heh, works for me—House is the only crossover-candidate character who’s actually shot a corpse in the head on his own show. 
ANDY GRIFFITH: A fight with Ernest T. Bass (who yells “creach-ter’s a word you hadn’t oughtta said/now you’ll run even when you’re dead! You ain’t heard the last of Ernest T Bass and if I catch you raftin in north Georgia I’m gonna …” the last is indecipherable) one of the Darlin boys seems even more withdrawn and lifeless than usual until he suddenly takes a chunk out of Clara’s arm, which turns her into a zombie. After she converts the Good-Time girls (“Hi Doll… aaarrrrgghhhhhh”), new manicurist Barbara Eden and girl pharm’ist Ellie it’s up to Barney and Andy to save the day. Barney uses his one bullet to shoot Gomer through the brain, raising his intelligence to 184 and it is he who figures out that Aunt Bea’s pickles kill zombies. In a victory celebration Andy plucks his guitar and sings “Whoa Mule” then joins Gomer in a rendition of “The Impossible Dream” during which nobody notices that Otis the Drunk is acting funny ever since he took a sip from Pa Darlin’s moonshine jug.
On a very special BLOSSOM: Blossom’s oldest brother comes home from rehab no longer using meth and alcohol, but now a walking cannibalistic undead demon on the same day that Six finds a lump in her breast. Meanwhile Joey realizes he’s scheduled two dates for the same night… WHOA!
MEDIUM: Patricia Arquette becomes a zombie. Her husband notices when suddenly she’s a better actress.
QUEER AS FOLK: Brian saves a zombie-phobic executive’s shoe company by making a zombie-erotic advertisement with naked gay undead guys wearing nothing but the product. When recent victims of a hate crime serial killer begin rising from the dead and stalking the diner Michael whines to Ben about how they remind him how much he’d like to be having sex with Brian. The lesbians do something but I fast forward through it. A street zombie asks Justin to teach him how to change expressions and emote believably but unfortunately Justin doesn’t know how. Back at the Diner Debbie is really glad to have her brother Vic back home until he insists on taking gaping chunks from her arm, whereupon she sprinkles him with marinara sauce blessed by a priest. Ted learns the sensitive hot street kid he’s been dating is really undead and starts using meth again after being clean for half an episode and causing him to be late to his arraignment on a morals charge. Emmett tries to convince his new boyfriend to come out as a zombie but he just can’t go through with it as he’s afraid the public who’s come to adore him as a sports sensation wouldn’t be as impressed with his running ability if they knew he didn’t need oxygen.
Y’know, I was riffing awhile back on what would happen if Howard Cosell returned in somewhat thinned-out shape, but it never occurred to me to bring back two rosters’ worth of NFL all-star zombies. Here’s a few worthies:
Johnny Unitas
Bronko Nagurski
Red Grange
Walter Payton
Mike Webster
Reggie White
Lou Groza
Brian Piccolo
Pat Tillman
and Vince Lombardi and Fritz Pollard, coaches
Any show: Rod Argent and Colin Blunstone appear to perform “She’s Not There” and “Time of the Season.”
Three’s Company (singing) “Come and munch on our braaaiiinns…”
Any infomercial.
And they’d make a hell of a Detour on The Amazing Race:
Phil (narrating): “A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have a choice between Zombies, or Zunes: In Zombies, teams must search for their next clue in this abandoned graveyard which is crawling with the ravenous undead. The task is difficult, but teams with a good survival instinct could finish quickly; In Zunes, teams are given a Microsoft Zune media player in this crowded marketplace, and must wirelessly transfer its playlist to another Zune listener, who will give them their next clue. The task is simple. But finding another Zune owner could take a long time.”
Fighting Couple: “The Zombies have gotta be easier…”
Plus the list of shows that improve in perceived quality after drinking a couple of Zombies is nearly uncountable…