Rather than hijacking this thread, list a show’s episode that never existed—but should have. For example:
Star Trek: TNG: The entire crew takes turns beating the crap out of Wesley Crusher.
24: A mountain lion mauls Kim, ripping her body to shreds. Jack is unable to save her.
Gilligan’s Island: The Professor finally succeeds in repairing the boat, and they set off. Just as they’re within sight of Honolulu, Gilligan picks up an old unexploded WWII torpedo he’s brought along because he figures some museum will buy it from him and make his fortune. He drops it, and they’re all blown to smithereens.
NYPD Blue. Det. Sipowitz goes into the interrogation room to question a suspect. There’s some back and forth mouthiness. Sip threatens the small wiry suspect with a tune-up. The suspect replies that there is no way he’s fighting back because Sip is a cop. Sipowitz takes off his badge and says “I’m just a citizen now and it’s just you and me.” “But your partner’s gonna clobber me if I start getting the better of you!” Siffuentes shakes his head and assures the suspect he won’t interfere.
Suspect then beats the ever lovin’ shit out of Sipowitz.
ST:TNG - Wesley gets tired of all the crap people are laying on him and disintegrates the entire crew except for Robin Leffer, who he ties to the Command Console for random buggering as he becomes the Dread Space Pirate Roberts.
That episode where Mal mouths off to the evil Space Cowpoke that has him tied up… well, really ALL the episodes in the second season of Firefly.
M.A.S.H. - Hawkey admits that he is a homosexual, and was only sleeping with nurses so he could stay in the army and continue helping as a good surgeon. That would work today, not so much back in the early 80’s
I don’t think the plot would work all that well today. I mean…come on. But Mash did have a homosexual-related episode very early. Like, February 1974. Pretty early.
Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Detective Goren interrogates a suspect played by Lee Ermey. At the moment Goren begins speculating that the crime was motivated by alienation of parental affection, Ermey grabs a gun, shoots Goren and then himself.
That episode in the first season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine where Sisko and Kira do something about their unresolved sexual tension.
The episode of Green Acres when Arnold is elected mayor of Hooterville.
The episode of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE where our brainy hero – who’ll be disavowed if he’s captured – hears what his dangerous mission will be, if he chooses to accept it.
"Gonna have to pass on this one," he says, cheerfully, as the tape self-destructs.
The Law and Order SVU episode where it turns out it really was the creepy homeless guy that raped and killed a woman who had an alcoholic husband, corrupt business partner, and a secret boyfriend who all turn out not to have anything to do with the crime.
The last episode of The Big Bang Theory: The episode opens with the gang gathered in the traditional living room set. Sheldon is holding forth, making some pedantic point, and as he always does, he says some outrageous, obnoxious things. Leonard says, “OK, that’s it for you!” and hits Sheldon in the nose. Upon seeing Sheldon with a bloody nose, the rest of the gang joins in, beating him mercilessly and relentlessly. Periodically, guest stars from the past drop by the apartment for a few hits and kicks, then leave. At one point, a glowing, ghostly Professor Proton in Jedi garb appears. Sheldon thinks he is saved, but Prof. Proton says that he has always hated him, makes a remark about Leonard and Penny still being together, then fades away. Sheldon collapses as the beating resumes. This continues for almost the entire run-time of the episode.
In the last 2-3 min minutes, the picture fades out. The lights go up in the audience and the camera pulls back as the gang files out on-stage in front of the living room set, and Johnny Galecki & Katy Cuoco thank the viewing audience for their many years of support. A couple other members of the cast throw in a few words, then Jim Parsons also thanks the viewers nicely. The rest of the cast look at him, then start beating him relentlessly and without mercy. The audience laughs and applauds, the camera pulls back and the credits roll as the picture fades to black.
Bart acquires a large cache of fireworks, and pranks people; blowing them up in their faces.
Meanwhile Homer enters a competition and wins a 20 pound Super Delicious Beer Donut™.
That night, before he’s had a chance to taste it, Homer’s donut is blown to smithereens. Homer fatally strangles Bart, and is arrested and charged with murder.
A parade of witness, including Principal Skinner, describe Bart’s constant shenanigans and juvenile delinquency, while Dr Nick’s testifies to Homer’s temporary insanity. But with Lionel Hutz as his lawyer, the trial goes badly. Homer is convicted, sentenced to death and executed.
After a short mourning period Marge marries Ned Flanders.
In the epilogue we find out Sideshow Bob framed Bart for the explosion.
“Say, whatever happened to Mayor Ziffel?”
“I don’t know. Nobody’s seen him since the Inauguration Day BBQ.”
After Vincent Gallo goes ranting off about whatever, Lander Sanders calls him a (bleeped-out) fucking goof and gets up and leaves.
Gilligan to Ginger: “Bitch, you’ve gave me blue balls like a hundred times already! So stop trying to make me do whatever crazy fucked up thing it is your to make me do with the promise of sex, because I know it ain’t gonna happen!”
MARY TYLER MOORE
It’s chaos in the newsroom when Mary calls Ted a prick:
MARY: I’m sorry, Ted, I know it hurts your feelings, but that’s the only **word **I can **think ****of to describe **you: You are a prick!
TED: Aw, c’mon, Mar’. Murray?
MURRAY: She’s right, Ted. You **are **a prick!
TED: Georgette?
GEORGETTE: You’re a prick, Ted, but I love you anyway!
Followed by…
NSFW! :eek:
[spoiler]Mary is gang-raped in the WJM parking lot:
MARY: Oh, Mr Grant, it was horrible! There were **four **of them!
LOU GRANT: Four, Mary?
MARY: And a midget!
MURRAY: Mary, you’re almost six feet tall!
MARY: He used a bucket!
MURRAY: Well, why didn’t you kick it out from under him?
MARY: He was **hanging ****from it![/spoiler]
EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE SICK HUMOR! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK! :eek:
**
You have been warned! 
There’s more:
TED: Oh, yeah? Well, Mary, you’re a cunt! And Murray, you, you’re a dink!
LOU GRANT: What am I, Ted?
TED: Lou! I didn’t see you standing there!
LOU GRANT: What am I, TED?
TED: Why, you’re the BOSS, Lou!
[ALL REACT AS TED TURNS ON HIS HEEL AND EXITS. CUT TO COMMERCIAL.]