I’ve had two separate Asian people on multiple occasions try to open my door and enter my room (to see my (Asian) roommate) without knocking first. These are just the occasions when it’s been locked and I’ve had to let them in, let alone the times when it’s only closed but not locked or the times when I’m not here.
Granted, my sample size isn’t nearly statistically acceptable, but it seems to be quite an ingrained habit with them, and I’ve never heard of a culture where this would be acceptable. I would never consider just opening a door of someone else’s room.
So, is there some part of Asian culture that says it’s ok to do this, or are these particular people just being rude?
Que? Are your talking about walking into your house or apartment, or walking in to a dorm room?
I wasn’t able to understand from your post.
FWIW, I have a couple of gay friends who do that all the time, just barge on in to my house. I never minded, since they know better than to let the cats out. I guess using are data, one could conclude that no doors are considered closed by a gay Asian man.
And I probably wouldn’t mind (at least not as much) if they were my friends, but they’re not.
Ticker, I’m well aware that Asia is large and has many different cultures, but since I don’t know what country they’re from, this seemed like the best way to word it. I know my roommate is from China, but I do not know if his friends are also from China, or someplace else in Asia, or even if they were born in America to Asian parents. So, since I know they’re Asian (by ancestry or by birth), but I don’t know what specific country they’re from, I used the more general term.
How about: Are you aware of any cultures existing in Asia where it is acceptable to open a door and enter the home or room of another unrelated person without knocking?
Can’t speak for all of Asia… but I could help you understand it a bit better…
It is not uncommon in this country for people to enter rooms without knocking, especially when it’s rooms of friends or relatives. Infact, I’d say it’s quite common to do so.
It is even more common to turn up at houses of friends and relatives unannounced. Infact, it’s even welcome.
Now, to try and understand it a bit…
A lot of Indian families live in something known as a joint family. Where brothers and sisters and all their kids live together. Space is at a premium. Only the affluent have houses where each of the occupants has a room to themselves. Most people share rooms. A lot of houses you’ll find more than 2 persons sharing a room. Perhaps even a bed, if you’re poorer.
Even in a rich nuclear family where each kid has his/her own room, it is unlikely that parents (or siblings) would knock before entering. It is, at the least, uncommon.
Personal space is a different concept in India. People respect it differently.
That said, I would knock before entering a room of someone other than my nuclear family and close friends. And I would expect the same from people I didn’t know too well. But if they didn’t, I’d understand where they’re coming from.
It is quite likely that the persons you refer to do not understand that they are being rude. Which is different from knowingly being rude. I leave you to judge which type they are.
Maybe if you asked your roommate to explain to them politely that you do not like it when they enter without knocking, they might accept your point. They might not necessarily understand it, but I trust they will accept it, assuming they are nice people otherwise.
When I taught English in China, I lived in a hotel room. One day I was sitting on my couch, I looked up, and some guy was standing there looking at me – like he opened the door and creeped in. He said he was looking for his friend, I said that his friend is not here, and he apologized and left.
Some time later - I was never sure if it was a matter of minutes or hours - the guy tried the same thing in a co-teacher’s room. My colleague called the cops, and the guy got hauled off.
A couple months later, we were sitting in a restaurant having dinner, and the creeper walked in, sat down next to my colleague, and proceeded to give him hell about having him arrested when he didn’t do anything.
I asked some of my students about the whole thing and I got a bunch of different responses. I would say most thought that they guy was a thief, but a few maintained that walking into rooms unannounced was an acceptable thing in some parts – but it was a peasant-like thing to do and that it wasn’t really acceptable for people to do it in Beijing.
**xash[/] pretty much nailed some common characteristics. At least in China it holds pretty true.
Touching kids heads seems to be pretty much a Thai thing. It may extend to some other neighboring countries like cambodia or Myanmar. China and Japan are in line with the US where kids heads are fair game.
Not touching people on the head is a buddhist thing rather than a Thai thing. So anywhere where Buddhism is prevalent (Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Burma, parts of India) this principle applies.
Apparently, in Buddhism, the head is the spiritual high point in the body and should not be touched. Of course, it can be touched with permission or in certain contexts but generally it is a faux pas.
Conversely, the feet are the spiritual low-point and should never be used to point at things (especially images of Buddha) or to touch people with.
I don’t know whether the same principles hold for Hinduism but when I was in Bali recently, the henna tattoo hawker on Kuta beach told me that I couldn’t have a certain Balinese symbol on my leg because it was “not allowed down there”.
True… in Thailand I had a group of university students freak out on me when I pointed to a word in the newspaper that was laying on the ground with my toe - talk about instant culture shock!
Another thing that I have noticed amongst many asians is the dissimilarity in phone manners to western people. Westerners will often, in addition to giving a salutation of some kind, introduce themselves when calling and also announce an ending to the conversation when it is desired. Quite commonly (especially amongst my Chinese relations), asians will call and only ask to speak to a particular person and never announce who is calling. Calls can often end rather abruptly too without being wound up.
eg. “…then I went to the shop and bought three apples.”
“Ok”
“Ok”
click…
I know that I am applying a wild generalisation here but I have found that phone etiquette really is culturally specific.
I don’t always identify myself, and I’m Asian. However, I think context might be important here. If they’re calling someone they call frequently, it might not be necessary to say, “This is Steve”. If Steve calls all the time, then they might be expecting Steve to call. They also probably recognize his voice. Conversely, if they’re calling someone they don’t call often, they might be quicker to identify themselves.
FWIW, my relatives always identify themselves when they call, no matter when they last called.
Of course, it might just be that my relatives identify themselves and yours don’t, culture notwithstanding. Culture be irrelevant. Same goes for the OP’s roommmate’s friends-- they might just be the type to barge in. They might not realize they’re being rude.
Is it possible your roommate told them they could come in any time they wanted? Mi casa es su casa, and all that?
I live in a university dorm, in Asia. (The teachers’ wing of the dorm is somewhat separate from the students’ sections, with more or less real apartments instead of dorm rooms. Students aren’t allowed in our wing, technically.) It’s not too unusual for a delivery guy or a repair person to open the door without knocking, or try the doorknob and ring the bell a second later.
My wife (Korean) says that it isn’t acceptable in Korean culture, but some people do it anyway. It’s considered poor etiquette, but not quite the bordering-on-criminal behavior that I think of it as.
In japanese traditional houses there is usually a enterance room which is considered sort of half inside and half outside. It’s quite common (in my personal experience) for people to step inside and say “excuse me!”. I’ve had it happen in my various apartments, but it’s much less common.
Just as a note, remember Asia is a vast half of a contenent and it’s cultures are widely different.
And as for the touching the head, I don’t think it’s so much a Buddhist thing as a SE Asian thing.
I used to live in Osaka myself, a few years ago (and my name is also Dave!), in Moriguchi. We had a genkan, but our Japanese visitors tended to use the doorbell. Perhaps they were just conscious they were dealing with a house full of foreigners.
I can tell you that virtually every Mongolian I’ve ever known does this. At any time, day or night. All Chinese, Koreans and Japanese I’ve mentioned this habit to have been appalled.
