Regardless of where we are, I always am on the right and he’s on the left. It would feel too weird to switch sides. So in our last place, I was near the bathroom and the door, but now he is. In our very first place, the bathroom was at the foot of the bed, equidistant, but the door was by me. We had no children at that time.
It has never occurred to me to position myself in bed so as to arrange the best defense from axe-wielding maniacs.
34 years of marriage and the wife and I have never changed the positions. I on the left and she on the right BUT—
I sleep with my head at the head of the bed, and she sleeps with hers at the foot!
She watches Tv and reads late into the night and I just crash. Works for us.
I sleep on the left, nearest the door.
I don’t give a rats arse about the burglars, or the monsters, or using the loo during the wee small hours…
If there is a fire, I don’t want my footprints all over my wifes body as I trample over her in my rush for the exit 
And if the door is blocked, she gets to go out the window first, and I get a softer landing (2nd floor, no fire escape).
Si
Homer Simpson sleeps on the right.
From the OP:
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Therefore Homer sleeps on the left.
Imagine someone walking into your bedroom in the middle of the night with a clipboard in his hand, intent on recording your sleeping arrangements for analysis and/or posterity. Or he could simply be a voyeur with a camera, it doesn’t really make any difference. Either way he stands at the foot of the bed and observes your position relative to your partner.
While I’m here, and in order to pre-empt the possible submission of risqué stories, I’d like to exclude reports from any ménages numerically greater than à deux. This is merely because I seriously doubt the existence of any study which encompasses such supine circumstances.
Of course if there is such a study I’d like to read it purely for academic purposes, if not for sheer prurience.
aaah ok. odd choice of perspective…
but anyway then, yeah I sleep on the left too
I’m corrie, and I sleep on the left. 'im indoors sleeps nearest to the door. The bathroom doesn’t figure in the equation 'cos it’s at the far end of the landing. Since he’s closest to the door, he is also closest to the 2am marauding cat attack!
I never said it made sense. It was his idea to sleep that way - he likes to be near the door. I think the whole ‘protecting me from burglars’ was just his way of getting the side of the bed that he wanted. 
It doesn’t matter to me - I can sleep on either side.
If I am standing at the foot of the bed facing the non-exsistent head board then I sleep on the left and he on the right. I am right handed and he is as lefty.
Neither of us are closer to the bathroom as it is downstairs and we have just as much room on each side of the bed.
We have three dogs to take care of the gremlins and spooks.
From the foot of bed perspective, I am on right and wife is on left. Simple reason, she is closest to door and in the middle of the night, it was she who had to get out of bed and take care of the kids when they cried or whatever.
Wife ALWAYS sleeps on the side closest to the bathroom, right or left doesn’t matter. As I read some of the replies I see that I am not alone.
In bed I am on the right, he is on the left. I guess it’s a straight shot to the john for me and he has to navigate around the bed. But then I always got up when the babies were squalling so having the midnight path of least resistance made sense. However I have the closest closet at the foot of the bed whereas his is in the adjoing room (havent figured what to call that space, the salon?, the bedroom den?, the boudoir?..) so that disturbances of light and noise are minimal to the partner left in bed.
He tends to be the one to call sides when traveling away from home.
I don’t have a bed partner but I will say my parents have always slept with Pop on the right, from the perspective of someone lying on their back in the bed. In my childhood home, this would have been with Pop closer to the door of the room, and therefore the bathroom, but I don’t think that was it. And I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the one to go tend to the babies.
The dressing room?
or we could call it the place where clothes fall to the floor. It’s more like a waiting room, with low couches a sidetable and bookcase right inside the door. His clothespile is mounded in front of his closet. 
Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. What’s under my bed? Drawers full of clothing! Plus file boxes. And the occasional mislaid book. There. Not so scary, is it? 
I seem to recall my mom sleeping on the left, closer to the door, and my dad sleeping on the right, but that was a long time ago.
We’re both right handed, I’m a male, I sleep on the right. The left side is closer to kid and bathroom though.
I’ve slept with joolicious on both sides of the bed–it is almost invariably that I am closest to the windows and she is closest to the door, but alternately it’s always been that my side of the bed has the narrower aisle between it and the wall.
When I was in college and sharing a bed, my partner du jour always slept on the side against the wall, but that’s because I had a 7’ loft, so I got to be the one who minded the drop.
It’s funny, I’ve thought about posting this before: I noticed I always sleep on the same side of the bed at home, but it’s the opposite side from the one I slept on in our old apartment. When we’re away from home, it varies. When I tried to figure out the reason for the switch, I realized I always subconsciously choose the side closest to the door you’d enter and exit the room by. Not necessarily closer the bathroom, either; in most hotels she’ll be closer to the bathroom and I’ll be closer to the door. I think it’s a subconscious measure of vigilance in protecting her from intruders.
If lying on my back on the bed, I’m on the right and he’s on the left. I do get up a lot at night but I’m farthest from the door. We’re both right handed.
Standing at the foot of the bed and facing the head, I sleep on the left and my wife on the right.
But wait! Such was not always the case! Since we’ve been married, we’ve actually switched back and forth three or four times, depending on furniture arrangements. Basically, the driving concern is that she needs the telephone on her side of the bed. Whichever side that turns out to be, becomes her side.