In case of Rapture bumper sticker...

The BBQ Pit
1

So I’m maneuvering my way through downtown Cincinnati traffic and it’s requiring way more concentration than I care to expend this early in the morning because the morons who painted the stripes in the streets apparently thought, “yeah we can get four lanes here, heck most cars are only three feet wide right?”

A car moves in front of me and stickered on its butt is one of those damn bumper stickers with type so small that you have to be practically be parked on top of the car to read it. If you want to share something damn it, make it big enough to read at safe fucking distance!

So I can’t read it at first and I don’t much care because I’m to busy trying to convince the bus next to me that yes, my sunfire does have the right to exist and yeah I know the damn lanes are too fucking small but could you at least give me half of my lane to drive in?

Then we all come to a dead stop because a light three blocks up changed to red and despite the best efforts of folks to ignore it and block the intersection of cross traffic, some of the little buggers found a way through and now we have to wait our turn.

Now I can read the bumper sticker of the car in front of me.

Now it is almost certainly a result of the stressful environment I was in at the time because I try, oh I try so hard, to be a good and tolerant person. But my tolerance limit had been exceded.

Yeah, I’m sure that’s how the Rapture will work. God, in her infinite wisdom, will begin plucking the saved out from moving vehicles in total disregard for the damned souls left behind. And if it were to happen at the very moment I was behind the car of the holy soul in question, my punishment would be to try and get around their fucking car in downtown traffic.

But no, the car in question continued to move when the light changed so God must be waiting for a more opportune moment. Perhaps when the car of the holy one is on the highway doing about 75 (because we all know disobeying the speed limit isn’t on the ten commandment list) the driver will suddenly be called to God and the abandoned vehicle will be left behind to rush headlong into a school bus bringing fiery death to a hoard of pagan school kids.

And let us just touch upon the ego of a person who has the audacity to claim the judgement throne of God and declare, “Yes I am one of the chosen!” I suggest you not muss up the seat cushion while sitting in God’s chair. I’ve heard she has a temper.

Well let us hope you are right oh self appointed chosen holy one because if the Rapture comes and you’re left behind with me, there’s nothing that’s going to save you from becoming my squick toy after i’ve flayed most the flesh from your bones.

2

What if it means another kind of rapture…?
When I read the title and the text of the bumper sticker, I thought something like, “If I’m in here getting head, WATCH OUT!”. Which I think is hilarious if it dosnt actually happen.
Of course, I’m very unreligious and very sexual. :smiley: I’d never heard of the term ‘rapture’ as being ‘called to God’.

3

The bumper sticker I like reads:

In case of Rapture, can I have your car?

4

Uh, no. If you were in there getting head, the car wouldn’t be unmanned, now would it?

I usually see this sticker (and living in the South, I’ve seen it dozens of times) on cars that feature other dreck like “The Big Bang Theory: God said it and BANG, it happened!” and the hilarious “Real men love Jesus!”

5

Pointless Anecdote:

I took my parents to a local state park/gardens for a brief tour. I was running out of places to take them… IN this park, there is a time capsule buried underneath the walkway. On the ground above it, is a plaque which reads: time capsule 1907, do not open until 2007.

My dad pauses, reads this without moving his lips. He stops, and ponders this for a minute. Then he looks up and – completely serious – sez:

“Well… I’m pretty sure the Second Coming will happen before that!”

It took every ounce of self control I could muster not to laugh in his face. Even took me a second to realize… Dad is dead serious.

::shudder::

6 


 _________
X DARWIN .)
  ''    ''
7

Well, if they get into an accident, the driver could be unmanned.

Kids! Drive safely!

8

I for one, beleive in the rapture.
Thats why I take the bus…

9

Better hope you don’t wind up with a born again bus driver.

10

Why not? I’d be going too!

11

Heh. She’s kidding. What if she’s not kidding? Nah, she’s kidding. What if the bus driver is taken by the Rapture? Now, she’s hurtling to her doom on a freeway alongside her fellow condemned bus passengers, who even on a good day, probably don’t make very good conversation.

And now images of all the horrible things that would go wrong if this interpretation of rapture came to be flood my addled brain: Aircraft falling from the sky, trains slaming into their stations, ships crashing into harbors, farm tractors plowing through parking lots, taxies crossing three lane highways with total disregard for the safety of others (Oh wait, that happens now.)

Yep, from now on I’m only flying on aircraft that have pilots whom I have personally observed at strip clubs the night before.

12

Perhaps not. You’re profile indicates that you voted for Nader and I have it on good authority that God is a Republican.

(Yeah, I consider P.J. O’Rouke a good authority. Though there’s a strong chance he might have been kidding.)

13

Yeah, but you have to remember that the pilots who aren’t at the strip clubs are at home getting lewd, riotous, pagan sex for free (hi honey!), and would be mightily pissed off to be dragged away from it by a god with no sense of timing.

Better take the train.

14

Blackclaw: LOL!
Yep, I’m a big Nader fan, but I am in the minority as a christian. Most chrsitians I know think it was a sin to vote for Gore. Seriously. I am an odd chrsitian thats for sure.

15

How the fuck can it be a “sin” to vote for any political party? Assuming for the sake of the argument that The Dark Lords Party of Eternal Doom and Damnation doesn’t appear on the ballot.
I’m telling ya, some of these Christian groups sure have weird interpretations of the Ten Commandments.

16

They prefer to be called ‘Democrats’ these days.

You think it’s a coincidence that the first four letters of ‘demon’ and ‘Democrat’ are exactly the same? I don’t.

:smiley:

17

If the political party, or more specifically a candidate, endorses policies that you consider immoral, which will then make people’s lives worse, voting for them could be considered a sin. While not directly acting in an evil way, you would be helping to put people in power who would add evil, not good, to the world.

sorry, slipped into GD for a moment…

18

A little comment from a believer:

While I suppose it is theoretically possible for someone to use one of these bumper stickers with only a sense of compassion and possible witness, my interpretation of the mindset of he/she-who-stuck-it-to-his/her-bumper would be a “Nyah, nyah, I’m Saved and you aint!” attitude. This is prideful and Pharasaical, self-righteous, and precisely what Jesus got hot under the collar about when He was walking the Earth in the flesh.

In short, if there is a Rapture as the fundamentalists picture it, there are gonna be a lot of awfully surprised people driving cars with those bumper stickers around other suddenly-empty vehicles.

And getting one would say to me, “Sure, I want to be an egotistical asshole who likes rubbing my special status in the face of everyone else, despite what Jesus said about that, and further I’m willing to turn off my mind and without question buy into to what some radio evangelist or a guy with a degree from the Cottonwood Ridge School of Theology and Auto Repair has to say is the only possible interpretation of some of the most complex Biblical passages ever to stump brilliant theologians.” I’ll do this just after I finish filling out this application Hastur sent me to become a member of a despised and persecuted minority, thanks.

19

Who said:

?

20

Yes, this is exactly how it struck me at that moment. Admitedly it was a moment in which I was feeling grumpy, but the feeling is still there.

I’m someone that wants to be a believer. It is difficult for me, struggling with questions about faith, to deal with someone who apparently has decided that not only do they know the answers I seek, but have already confirmed thier place in heaven. Now perhaps that doesn’t justify my threats of violence to those left behind with me after the rapture, but I like to think it keeps the self-rightous on their toes.

I would also like to mention that if Vanilla is left behind with me because of the Nader thing I’ll keep her safe because she has a sense of humor.