I clean you. I plunge you. I even give you a courtesy flush or two when necessary. And this is the thanks I get.
You, sir, are the most incompetent, non-flushing, non-sucking piece of porcelain I’ve ever had the unfortunate necessity to place my ass on.
You consistently refuse to accept in your drain anything thicker than urine. You routinely clog. You toy with me by swirling the water around, and replacing it with about a 1/2 cup of fresh water. Yet you refuse to remove any toilet paper. Ever.
Oh, once in a while you’ll get my hopes up. A strong flush and the bowl is clean. But I know you. This is never an indication that you’ve changed your ways and have decided to become a hearty flusher.
Well you know what? I’ve had it. Simply had it. Where’s the tabasco, where’s the jalapenos? Bring on the Olean, baby. I may even subject you to the nuclear arsenal that is a White Castle cheeseburger. Yes, it’s true. If you’re not going to play by the rules, THIS IS WAR.
Oh, and that toilet downstairs? He’s a much better flusher than you are. You were NEVER as good at it as he is. Guess I’ll just have to start spending my time with him instead of you.
Have you tried putting a bottle of thickened Drano in it? When I moved in my new appartment, the toilet didn’t work properly. One day, I got pissed off at it and put a full 1.9L of industrial thickened Drano (they say not to put it in toilets, but I did anyway) in the bowl. I let it work for about an hour then flushed. Ta-Da! Since that day, I have not had a problem with my toilet.
For a second there I thought one thickened drano by simmering it on the stove, but then I figured that would probably be a bad idea… They also make slow-drain-dealing-with stuff which might work.
I, also, have an unaccomodating toilet in my upstairs bathroom. The downstairs one understands its true place in life and gets a lot more attention from me.
My toilet is the same - evil bastard. He actually has a very complex personality, but mostly he doesn’t like the way I abuse him.
The only good thing about it is that when he overflows my poop water drips down into my evil neighbor’s house below.
Call your building manager - tell him or her you have a defective toilet. Tell them it needs to be fixed. If they ignore you, send them a letter. If they still ignore you, depending on where you live you’ll have many options.
Just remember - no matter how stinky, huge, rotten and evil your shit is, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
