In which I writhe in unspeakable agony over what a so-called house restorer is doing

The BBQ Pit
1

to my favorite old Victorian mansion.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

im sorry mom i dont know how to do this without using the f-word

:mad: :mad: :mad:

There’s this house, see, it’s like the oldest house left standing in the medium-size Rust Belt Midwestern town where I live. It’s a gorgeous 1850’s Italianate mansion, you know, with the flat roof and the cornices and brackets out the wazoo, but of wood, not brick, and it was cut up into apartments years ago, and those of us who love fine domestic architecture drove past it for years with heavy hearts as we watched it slowly rot into the ground, as the other old houses around it were one by one knocked down (close to downtown, which is a death sentence for old houses here, parking space being at a premium), and so finally somebody bought it who’s interested in restoring it and revitalizing this particular extension of the Historic District, and we’ve been watching them fix it all fall with tears of gratitude in our eyes (“thank you God”), and today–

TODAY I DRIVE PAST THERE AND SEE THAT THEY’VE PUT FUCKING VINYL SIDING ALL OVER IT!!!

And it’s not bad enough it’s vinyl siding–noooo, it has to be fucking classic 1990’s SAND-COLORED VINYL SIDING!!!

i am so angry

It’s the exact same color of vinyl siding as may be found on any of a billion late 1990’s ticky-tacky subdivision houses all over the U.S.

i am weeping

And if that isn’t bad enough

i am going to throw up in a minute

The window trim and brackets are now–light yellow.
The cornice under the brackets is now–Indian red.

Somebody shoot me.

That color scheme is bad enough even on a late 1990’s subdivision house, you architectural retards. It sucks, it reeks, it bites my baby buttcheeks, you Apostles of the Twee, you Walking Nadirs of House “Restoration”, you graduates of the Martha Stewart School of Architecture. But to put it on an 1854 Italianate mansion. And don’t gimme any of that SHIT about “San Francisco Painted Ladies”, cause this ain’t Frisco, and when Mr. So-and-So built that thing in 1854 to show folks that he’d made his pile, he never could have imagined that anybody would ever decorate it like a kindergartner experimenting with a new box of Crayons. Why not Cerulean and Atomic Orange, you bozos?

And to add insult to injury, these people merited a huge gushing puff piece in the local Lifestyle section on this, in which the reporter lovingly documented how the Mister was cutting “by hand” each and every one of the 75 or so brackets that would be required to “restore” (HA!) the house, the old ones having been so rotted that they crumbled as soon as they were removed.

And don’t talk to me about “maintenance”. You can prime new wooden siding both front and back and it’ll go 30 years without having to be repainted. Besides, there’s no such thing as a totally maintenance-free house. Houses just gotta have things done to them every so often. It’s like having a cat or a dog, they need looking after.

Shit shit shit shit shit
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUCKKKKK!!!

2

Duck, I sympathize with you on the loss of your dreams of a historical restoration of your favorite landmark. Try to think of it in a whole different light, think of these people as keeping the house alive until it’s true savior arrives. (Sand colored vinyl…gack. Like it’s not bad enough the new subdivisions are flesh-colored) At least no one made a parking lot out of it.

3

Yeah, vinyl siding is truly the invention of the devil. Always loathed it.

I’m ashamed to say, I live in an utterly nondesript '80’s condo covered in that icky sand-colored stuff of which you speak.

In my neck of the woods, there’s lots of nice old houses ruined like this. One of them is a nifty two-family brick residence. What the hell is the purpose of putting vinyl over brick, for God’s sake?

Oh well, de gustibus non est disputandam, as the kids say, so I guess you’ll have to hit 'em repeatedly over the head with a big stick till their taste improves.
On the other hand, I guess SP2263 is correct – vinyl siding does nothing to ruin a house permanently, right?

[sub]One of these days I’m gonna start a thread: Which Dopers have the lamest user names – gotta remember SP2263…[/sub]

4

AARRGHHHHHHH!!!
You have touched upon one of my pet peeves!
Here’s one for you-
When my best friends parents bought a townhouse in Evanston ten years ago, it was in sad shape but had great potential. The stairway had a nice skylight too but was obscured by plastic.
When they moved in, I was helping them fix up things and I noticed the “new” plastic bubble skylight. I asked the previous owner about it and he said “oh, we just tore it (the stained glass one) out because the repair bill was too high” They told me they got a figure for repair about $4000 more than I would have expected for a similar repair, having done stained glass restoration.
This got me curious. I asked what they did with the old light and they showed me the remnants in the back by the dumpster and I got excited.

It was an original Louis Sullivan stained glass skylight!!!
I only managed to salvage a couple boxes of glass from the garbage as the garbage trucks had already made one visit.

  • I made a couple new windows for my friends with some of it, and sold the rest to a restoration service for

$3,000!!!

Can you imagine what this would have been worth intact!!?!
It could have easily gone straight onto display at The Art Institute but noooo, the fuckwads had to hack it out with prybars:mad:

5

I feel your pain.

Too bad these beautiful older homes can’t be protected from abominations like that. What does it take to have a house designated a historical landmark? Does someone famous have to lived or died there?

I hate vinyl siding. The economic boom (pretty much everyone has a job) where I live has resulted in lots of remodeling. There’s new vinyl siding everywhere – mostly gray and beige. Every house looks the same.

We bought a Vic when we first moved back to Iowa. It was truly lovely, and a delight to live in. High ceilings, tall windows, huge bedrooms.

The new owners have repainted it – the trim is burgundy and mauve, and the rest is yellow. Yellow? How hard would it have been to do some research and find out what the original colors were?

6

My BIL and sister bought a house in an old area of Brisbane. It’s an old house for Brisbane and it had last been renovated in the 1920’s. hell I don’t think any housework had been done since the 1940’s! It had the old woodstove, gas lighting and all the fittings of a 1920’s house. The furniture is to die for.

So they jacked it up. Built in downstairs with aluminium windows and concrete blocks. They ruined the upstairs by removing walls and putting in the wrong windows. Latest abomination was to install a third floor in yet another style.

My sister gave my SO the album of the destruction. He was nearly weeping by the time he managed to close it and get away from saying Nice Things to her about the crime they have committed.

If I had had that house, it would have been sooooo sympathetically restored :frowning:

7

Did you tell the fuckwads? WHat was the look on their faces?

8

Oh, how I adore the big painted ladies. (But not the really gaudy ones-I want one someday with a big wrapparound porch in yellow, china blue and cream.)

Did anyone ever see the last episode of Designing Women? There was the gorgeous old antebellum mansion, and the ditzy bimbo trophy wife wanted to tear out all the old stair cases and skylights and put in vinyl and suede. Ick ick ick.

9

Goddam, that drives me crazy! Here in New York, we have lost some gorgeous old buildings to the wreckers’ ball of late. A building Poe lived in is being torn down, and a West Side auto showroom from 1909 is being demolished, too.

And in the NJ neighborhood where I live, there are rows and rows of lovely Queen Anne cottages, c1900, that formerly had front porches. On 85% of them, some idiot has—for a few extra feet of interior space!—enclosed the porch. The overall effect is as if Jimmy Durante’s nose had been grafted onto Gwyneth Paltrow.

Idiots!

10

Just a small voice of reason here…

My bona fides: I own a house that dates from 1868. It’s been completely destroyed (or at least severely damaged) in the past and restored several times. Most recently the work began in 1990. I bought the place in 1997 and continue the work.

OK, I agree that old houses should be maintained with a sense of style. But let’s make sure we keep a sense of perspective here…

Doing it ‘right’ or ‘the old way’ is expensive as hell. Let’s just make that plain right now. I don’t need to put siding (or new outside boards) on the ‘wreck and relic’ but if I had to I know which one would cost me more. Hell, sticking with the tin roof (which I prefer) is going to cost a LOT more than a modern roof.

So before y’all start complaining remember the costs involved. It’s a lot easier for you to afford the complaints than for the owner to afford the repairs.

-JC

My first Pit post. Oh, I’m so humiliated. I didn’t use the ‘f’ word once!

11

I’ll supply the “me too” with regards to hating siding. However, if it is truly an eyesore you may want to check with the city hall to make sure that:

a) the plans for the renovation have been filed.
b) renovations are going according to the plans
c) that the siding is in violation of some ordanace.