Sorry. I suffer from bizarre compulsions, one of which is to share mundane pointless stories like this:
It’s one of those wonderful cloudy, rainy days that we get so few of here in Central Arizona. It’s cool outside, and for the first time in ages, no air conditioner nor swamp cooler nor fan is running. It’s blissfully quiet. It’s one of those glorious, cozy days, the kind that everyone has said at one time or another “Man, I’d just like to curl up in bed with a book all day long.”
And that thought occurred to me as well. So I tried it.
My wife, Nancy, was changing our youngest’s diaper (we have four, all under ten) when I told her about my plan. I had (correctly, as it turned out) anticipated some interference with my scheme of laying in bed all day reading while she attended to our children, so had planned accordingly. Brashness was the order of the day. So I charged into that room and boldly informed Nancy of what I was doing today.
“Nancy,” I said, not at all craven or cowardly, “you know how everyone says that they just want to curl up in bed all day on days like this?” There was a quick intake of breath as she planned to agree, disagree, or simply tell me no, but I charged ahead boldly, like a mighty gladiator and not like a hen-pecked nebbish.
“So that’s my plan for today. Bye. Have fun with the kids” I asserted, clapping her on the shoulder in my manly way, and then running from the room.
“Wait a second,” she called. I charged down the hall, whipping off my bathrobe and leaping into bed like a terrifying panther instead of a timid grasshopper.
“Too late,” I called in return. “I’m in bed.”
“Wait just a damned second.”
“Nope. I’m curling up, Nancy. I’m like a big ol’ caterpillar.”
“Hey!”
“Like a caterpillar, Nancy! I’ve got the blankets all around me!”
“I will get a bucket of water and pour it on that bed and sleep on the couch tonight while the mattress dries unless you get out of that bed right now!”
I got out of bed, not like some defeated pushover, but . . . no, it was exactly like that. I forgot my book, anyway.
