Right, I’ve posted about this before, but the dreaded day is upon me.
Today, my best friend (and first boyfriend) Ryan will be coming over to see me & Bunny for the last time before he goes to Australia, after which he wants to settle in Toronto. He told me he was very busy, which is understandable, so he’ll only be able to come by for about an hour.
I’m looking forward to seeing him. I’m dreading saying goodbye.
I’m losing someone very special to me. Our relationship runs so incredibly deep I can’t put it into words. He never judges me, nor do I judge him.
Sure, there’s email, and that thing called the telephone, but it won’t be the same - ever.
The friends I’ve made in my 10 years in Montreal are great, but not one of them has ever compared to Ryan. My Doper friends are fantastic, and I know I can count on them, but understand that it’s still not the same.
Right, so I’m going back to bed, and will wait for his call. This is going to be a happy/sad day for me.
Scott, I wish I knew what to say in this instance. But I do not, other than to be good to yourself; treasure the hour or so you will spend with Ryan; and know that if you don’t feel totally okay about his leaving, that it’s all right. It is indeed a very hard thing to say goodbye forever, and you’re right: email, telephone, etc. is never the same as having a trusted friend there for you in person.
Scott, I think we need a support group. Last night my male companion came over to say goodbye. I don’t know why I ever doubted what there is between us, it was sweet and sad all at the same time. And there was a lot left unsaid, which is how I’d prefer it. He kept clearing his throat as if he was going to say something, but then he’d stop. When he left, he just grabbed me and held me. And at the risk of sounding like a big ole’ girl, that was more emotionally painful then the monkey-love we had just had.
Yea. Email. Woohoo. But at least mine will be home at Christmas. And I have the Jetblue website up right now. But I think I might know vaguely what you’re going through. Feel free to drop me an email and we’ll cry into our wine glasses together. Or better yet, come visit Burlington.
I am seriously thinking about renting An Affair to Remember tonight. Oy vey.
It’s now Sunday afternoon. Everything has been a total blur for me, but I do remember my time with Ryan before he left.
We spent some time talking, I showed him pictures of TorDope and Doperéal, he spent time with his (now my) Bunny, and what not. It was very affectionate, and I remember stroking his hair. We had a long, huge hug before he left, and I walked him to the elevator.
Then I cried like hell.
I told him that if he was ever stranded in Australia, he could call or email me, and I’d have an Aussie Doper to help out within hours. That’s the beauty of our community.
Today, I feel weird. We never saw each other very often, so it feels the same. But he’s on a plane to Vancouver, then to Singapore, then to Australia. I wish him the most wonderful of adventures, but I’m still kinda sad.
I’ll deal. I’ve got a Dopefest to plan (PoutineDope), Dopefests to prepare for (NYC MegaDope and possibly PorkDope), and all of you guys. I don’t feel alone.
Hey Scott. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, but I’ve got a pretty good idea. Hope things are going well, and remember that your friendship is still there.
What a shame. And to state the obvious, do everything you can to keep in touch. He sounds like a person you will want to have in your life forever. And even if there is a long gap in time from seeing him in person, don’t worry too much. Take it from this old guy, there is nothing quite as joyous, or satisfying as seeing someone special after many years apart. Hang in there.
