In which that_darn_cat comes out of the closet

So, it’s been a long time coming. I’ve been wrestling with my sexuality since I was a teenager, and have finally accepted the fact that I’m bisexual. (For those of you who don’t know, I usually impersonate a hetero male) A few weeks ago I came out to some of my closest friends. They took it remarkably well. ** Moi**, of course has been terribly supportive. I feel comfortable with my new self. Of course, to the outside world little has changed. But I’ve always been a private person, and to hell with the rest of the world.

Of course, being in a mostly monogamous relationship, in a small eastern PA town, where most of the cute gay men are students whom I dare not date, it’s pretty much all in my head for now. But I like myself better this way.

It’s already changed my life, without any physical contact. I gave blood last week, and realized that should I do what comes naturally to me, I could no longer give this gift, not in good faith. It has undermined my trust in an organization that I have always held dear. Likewise, the Boy Scouts, whom I owe many of the good memories of my youth, they would shun me now.

But, I’m happy. This is who I am.

Congratulations, enjoy your new life! And take care of yourself.

Thank you, I will.

(OK, so I’m watching this a bit nervously)

Cat, do you read science fiction? In a book by Spider Robinson set in the fairly near future (might have been Mindkiller), he has a character remark in passing, “I don’t trust monosexuals. It’s just not natural.” And Arthur C. Clark (in, I think, Fountains of Paradise) depicts a future society in which the exclusively hetero- and the exclusively homosexual are both minorities; most people are at least somewhat bi.

It seems to me that I am exclusively hetero – but I am a product of my culture. I don’t find it hard to believe that, in a different reality, percentage of bis might be much higher.

Not all of them, surely? I mean, the organization called the Boy Scouts may “shun” you, but the individual Boy Scouts that you knew growing up, and who you have such good feelings about - they may not shun you at all. They probably wouldn’t.

Hazel Yes! I’m a big sci-fi fan. In fact many of my views about sex have been influenced by Heinlein. Never heard of Spider Robinson, but I will have to check him (her?) out. Never been a big fan of Clarke. I don’t know about the rest of reality, but it’s quite natural for me.

Yosemitebabe That’s what I’d like to think, but I remeber what my troopmates were like. “Gay” was the standard negative adjective. I like to think they were better than that, but I’ll likely never know as they are far removed from me today. I’ll keep my fond memories though. As to other Boy Scouts toady, I’m sure there are many that would welcome me, despite what the leadership says. Someday they’ll learn that gay does not mean child molester!

Congrats - you (and your friends & family) should be proud of your courage. It takes a lot to “come out”. I wish you great success.

Don’t sell these old Boy Scout compadres short. When you grow up, Life Happens, and minds open. When I was 12-14 I had many negative and ignorant ideas about gay people (having never met any. Or met any that were “out”). But it’s hard to hold fast to such a limited idea, when you are confronted with the Real World, where you meet so many fantastic people who happen to be gay. (Or bi.) At least this has been my experience. I’ll bet it was the same with many of your troopmates.

yosemitebabe You"re right, I really am out of touch with those folks. Why should I pre-judge them? I’ll take it as a hint to keep my mind as open as I’d like others to be. Thanks.

leander Thanks! It wasn’t easy to make the decision, but peoples support has suprised and warmed me. My parents still don’t know, and I don’t know when (if ever) I’m going to tell them, It’s the h**l of one’s principles meeting one’s praticality, no?

sets off fireworks Welcome to the club, hon. hugs! The Dope can use as many Queer brethren and sistren as we can get!

Hazel> It seems to me that I am exclusively hetero – but I am a product of my culture. I don’t find it hard to believe that, in a different reality, percentage of bis might be much higher.

I agree. I think most people have a trace inside of them but are so afraid to even think about it, that they can be hostile to people who know themselves better. Homosexual women made, (and even now makes), me uncomfortable… because I simply have a problem with my manhood. It’s not that I think it’s wrong, but the conflict I have with my own identity has created this problem that I must work on. As far as gay men are concerned… I almost root for them. I guess it makes me feel more “attractive”. Now don’t get me wrong… I at least recognize that it’s MY problem, not anyone elses, (most of my female friends are lesbians anyway). Not everyone realizes it’s their problem and automatically thinks it’s a problem of the other party.

Anyway… the point is it’s other peoples problems and I would be open with it because it weeds out all of your true friends from the ignorant ones who aren’t willing to learn.

[Archie Bunker]

I do hope they kept it separate from normal people.

[/Archie Bunker]

Feels good to stop hiding it, no?

Well done.

Let me be the first other bi person (well, I think so) to say, “So freaking what?” wink

Just kidding - I think it’s great that you’ve been able to take the step. I myself am a bisexual man who came out to my wife only a couple of months ago after nearly ten years of marriage. In Ask the closeted bisexual guy!
I chronicled my mentally tortured path to this dramatic moment - which turned out not to be dramatic at all. It hasn’t been updated in months but I still think it’s a good read.

So anyway, welcome to the luau!

Thanks for the hugs matt and I love fireworks. I guess I’m breaking the rule aboout “any club that would have me as a member”. :wink:
Musicat Well, of course they do honey, there’s only so much fabulous to go around! Woudn’t want to waste it on the straights. :wink:

Tranquilis Indeed it does. Thanks

Cheffie I remember your coming out thread well, in fact it was about that time I was coming to terms with my own feelings, and it helped to see how someone else dealt with it. It certainly helped give me the courage to do this. Thanks big guy. So, if this is a Luau, where’s my lei?

It’s tough to have to announce something that you think of as private, isn’t it? But you know, the personal is political (or something). So I’ll be the second (or third or whatever, I haven’t kept good track) bi to welcome you.

It’s hard to put your money where your mouth is, isn’t it? I don’t think of myself as closeted, but since I’ve been in a monogamous marriage with a man for a hundred years, unless I announce it to friends, they don’t know. It can be easy to forget why it’s important not to stay silent. Of course, I get the definite feeling it’s more socially acceptable for a woman than a man to be bi, so I’ve probably had it easier than you might have.

Um, so I don’t feel like a proper greeter or anything, but welcome to the club!

Aha! The recruitment is working!

*Andy runs off to notify the main office]/i]

Congrats. :slight_smile:

Andy, I’ve just gotten word from the main Secret Circle of the Great Homosexual Conspiracy, and they want to know who they’re supposed to send this darn toaster oven to.

jayjay (and welcome to the Family, cat!)


[sub]Seemed as good a time as any to make use of that particular emoticon. ;)[/sub]

{{{cat}}} Y’know I love ya.

In other news, it seems that cat celebrated his coming out on the Dope last night with a bottle of Gewurztraminer and a bag of popcorn. When I came into the computer room just now and found this thread open, I also stepped on like a gazillion pieces of popcorn. Y’all have been so supportive, he must have been throwing the popcorn up in the air or some such to make such a mess. His own one-man luau, I supppose…


Rock on, cat. Wish I had your guts.