(Posted on the UnaBoard)
Yesterday morning, I finally did it. I woke up, and said “I’m going to buy that pressure-assist ¶ toilet I want (and need) so badly, and I’m going to put it in all by my damn self, and then I’m going to have a glass of wine and smile self-confidently.”
So here’s what happened:
Background: I have two bathrooms, and just one me in my house. In the main bathroom, the tank on the toilet (an old, high-flow one) has been cracked for a while, but was repaired before I moved in. About a year ago, I noticed that the crack was “weeping” water. Thinking that I was near a flood of Biblical proportions, I turned the water off to the toilet and gave it it’s last flush, and went down to one bathroom in full working order. In the process of doing this, I found that the water valve (that shuts the water off to the toilet) was bad, and leaked too. Sigh.
The Present: So, after much research, asking, saving money, building confidence, and a thread on the SDMB, I decide to replace the toilet. And, due to the very poor experiences I have had with low-flow toilets, I decide to get a pressure assist toilet ¶. For those of you that don’t know what a PA toilet is, think “public restroom”, or WHHHOOOOSSHHHHH!!! You know, the ones that can suck down 5 rolls of toilet paper, the Sunday Times, a basketball…no more clogs!
So, I start the morning with cautious happiness. I’ve decided to do it. I even get a little giddy in the car, singing “Goin’-to buy a toi-let, ev-ry bo-dy, goin’-to buy a toi-let, yeah yeah” to the tune of “Goin’ to a Go-Go” by the Rolling Stones…but enough about that.
So, I get to the hardware store, and there are two PA toilets in stock of the model I had selected, the Crane “Economizer”. A nice man comes over to lift a bowl and a tank down for me, and I ask if he will kindly lift each one out to see 1) that they are not broken, 2) they are not used (shudder), and 3) that they have all the parts required. He gives me “the look”, and then opens the box containing the bowl. The bowl, and 2 pieces of broken porcelain come out. Hmmm…not good. We check the tank, and it is OK. The second bowl is also good, so I get that. Then, I get a wax ring, new brass bolts, and a putty knife to clean the old wax ring off. The new water valve is a treat - I get the most expensive one there, a globe valve that works on just a quarter turn. Hey, I’m an engineer, I appreciate such mundane things…
So, I get home. I turn off the water to the house, and go outside to the sillcock and drain the water. Then, I unscrew the water valve hose from the tank, and with two large crescent wrenchs, undo and replace the water valve. Everything is A-OK. Next, I drain the tiny bit of water left in the old toilet, undo the two bolts holding it on to the bowl, and remove the tank. So far, so good.
I then undo the chamber bolts, and remove the seat as well. I lift the bowl, managing not to spill a drop, and set it in the tub. Everything is good. Then I am faced with the dreaded Old Wax Ring. At this point, I notice two things:
- The ring, and the hole, is remarkably, incredibly clean.
- There is no odor.
- The waste pipe is copper, like all the other pipes in the house. Cool!
So, I scrape the old wax ring off, that goes well. I put the new ring down, and the new bolts. Good. Then, I woman-handle the new bowl in, and carefully set it down on the ring. The bolts line up, and everything looks good. I try to put the nuts onto the bolts, and…
the nuts don’t fit! Yes, the bolts both have fucked-up threads, due to the brass “electro-cote” on them, and the nuts will not turn on them! There is nothing I can do, so I lift the bowl back off. Unfortunately, the wax ring has now torn in half. Knowing that this can be salvaged, I carefully mold the ring back together into one whole part, and then focus on the bolts. I clean the bolts, holding the oblong heads in lock-grip pliers, and run the nuts onto them with my ratchet. Back, and forth, re-cutting the threads, until the nuts spin on smoothly. OK…good. Now, I put the repaired ring back on, put the bolts in, and try to set the bowl back on.
One bolt is now cocked. I try to finagle it from the side, with my fingers, and it shoots out, and goes down the waste pipe.
Much screaming ensues.
I drive back to the hardware store, Lay Down the Law about the shitty bolts they sold me, and they give me a new wax ring and new, better bolts for free.
Now…I return, clean off the new (old) wax ring, put the new one on, the new bolts, everything lines, up, and the bowl in installed. Five minutes later, and the tank is installed. Five minutes of tightening and cleanup later, and the water valve is opened. The first flush comes 30 seconds later.
WHHHHOOOOOOSSHSHHHHH!!!
Several dozen flushes later - no leaks, no drips, no problems.
I did it!
Here is a NON-GROSS link to a video of the toilet in action. The red balls in the picture are ANSI “test balls”, not the result of a Heinekin and Papa John’s Pizza Roman Orgy.