In which yours truly boils with anger towards a certain bunch of adolescent drivers..

The BBQ Pit
1

I was merely minding my own business, enjoying a nice little stroll, when, a car driving in the opposite direction that I was walking pulled (apparently with intention) into the lane of which I walked, and swerving away at the last second. Were the brainless thug to delay his swerve by less than a second, I would have been roadside stroganoff. A few months before, a group of seemingly-drunken pricks did a similar action, coming so close to me that I could feel the draft of their automobile. This not only reflects poorly on the maturity of the occupants of the car, it endangers my life, and it makes me really, really, stomping, buzzing MAD.

That’s not the only thing that has been done to me by them. The day before, I was on the roadside, far removed from the actual road itself (I was in a drainage ditch), and all of a sudden, some idiot began blaring his horn at me. If I recall correctly, the horn is a WARNING device. I don’t see my mere walking in the roadside drainage ditch and your driving (the car seemed intact, and not about to hit me) IN THE LANE FURTHEST FROM ME as a dangerous situation. The only reason I could dig from your behavior about your faulty horn usage was that your bloated ego needed a power trip to sustain itself for another few hours, and I was the victim of said power trip.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know some pretty responsible drivers that are of their age, but these bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

«breathes slowly, relaxes» I’m all better now.

2

Happens to me sometimes. What I usually do nowadays is just stand there and stare them down. They want to scare you, it gets them off. You should see the looks on their faces when I just stand there, watching them… :smiley:

Of course, this is how I’ll probably die. But for now, the looks they give me are worth the risk.

3

man I love stroganoff

4

I find that staring at them does seem to do the trick. Not only does it make them incredibly self concious, but it also sends them the message that you know what they are doing and that they better back off or they will suffer the consequences. It’s worked for me a few times.

5

Hmm… Staring them down. Years ago, when that happened, I merely flipped them off. I stopped that about six months ago, in a burst of change (let’s say it was brought on by falling in love and finding G-d at the same time). But staring them down, as if I were that little girl in Firestarter… It’d be more effective if I had pyrokinesis, but hey, it still sounds pretty scary…

I’ll have to use that next time I go for a little stroll. «heads off to bathroom to practice scary stare»

6

Staring schmaring. Try Doggie’s patented method: Blow 'em a kiss. Works a treat.

7

Sometimes, I laugh and point. That seems to do the trick as well. :slight_smile:

8

If you go with the staring them down approach, do what Anthony Hopkins did to make his work as Hannibal Lecter so very creepy . . . Don’t blink. At all. Just stare without blinking. We’re subconciously used to seeing people blink about once every four seconds. When it’s not happening, we notice, but not on a concious level. Gives people the heebie jeebies.

I think I’ll try that on my students. Bwahahahahaha.

9

Motherfuckshitgoddamn, I empathize. I have had similar experiences. Periodically while I’m running some assfucklet thinks it’s appropriate to do the swerving game and/or hurl obscenities at me from his window. The horn is popular too. But the incident that takes the cake happened about 3 weeks ago when I was peacefully riding my bike home from work…

I entered my subdivision, and was about to start into a long downhill, when I noticed one of those gigantic SUVs we all love was about to turn onto the aforementioned downhill from an intersecting road. I don’t like to mess with cars. I slowed down with full intent of letting the car go first. I came to a fucking stop. I waited 3 or 4 seconds, but still, our 4 teenage friends in the SUV weren’t moving. Well, fuck it, I thought. So I started up again, and started down the hill.

The instant I passed the intersection, the SUV pulls out behind me. Damnit. I can’t get out of the way on the hill; the curb is too high to try to jump my bike over at the speed I was going, so I had the pleasure of having the SUV follow close behind me down the hill. Fine, whatever, I ride around cars every day, and while I don’t necessarily enjoy it, it’s not that big of a deal.

Ok, so now comes the fun part. This is really one of the most profound and disturbing instances of cognitive dissonance that I have experienced in my life. I am making damn sure that I am hugging the right edge of the road. Our friends in the SUV are going to pass me, as is only logical. The reason they did not do this way up at the top of the hill when I stopped for them is now obvious – they wanted to fuck with what was no doubt in their minds “that dork on the bike.”

They are passing way too motherfucking close for comfort. Yeah, well, I deal with this all the time too, but it does royally piss me off. We’re in a small subdivision and there is not another car in sight; in short, there is no reason to pass within 2 feet of me. But I’m still not boiling angry…really just a bit annoyed. Then comes kicker #1: as I am being passed, the designated asshole in the rear right seat rolls down his window. I thought he was going to say something to me. Nope – he reaches out of the car and fucking grabs at me! There is no fucking way I am ready for this. I slam on the brakes, and I mean, I have never stopped so hard and fast in my life. We are talking the speed from going down a steep hill to a full stop, as fast as I possibly can. If he had managed to grab me, I would have been seriously fucked. We are talking real injuries, hell, I could have been killed. I was going fast, and I didn’t particularly enjoy the prospect of getting dragged by a car. I could have easily lost my balance. I’m not really even sure how I managed to stay on my bike during the stop.

Yeah, this would have been bad enough. But no, there is more fun in store for me. I take a second to recover, then get back on my bike and start going again. I’m only about a minute from home, if I’m riding undisturbed. Fat fucking chance of that. My assaholic comrades in the oft-aforementioned SUV stop about 20 yards ahead of me. You know, you would have thought I learned my damn lesson. They had to stop briefly because there was a car parked in the right lane and a car approaching in the left; that’s why I kept going. I passed them 5 feet into the grass on the side of the road. Surprise, surprise – as soon as I passed them, they started following me. You may have predicted that one.

Well, this time I was ready, and pissed too. If they were going to try to grab me again, I was going to rip that fucker’s arm off. You do not horse around like that; you can fucking kill someone. I was getting ready for the wrong thing. As they passed within their customary 2 foot “safety zone,” the window rolled down once again…and a bottle of Gatorade shot out of it, as did a huge glob of spit! Well, they didn’t have very good aim; both missed. If I had been hit by the bottle, however, I could have easily taken a nasty spill. This time we weren’t going fast enough to cause anything more than some pain, maybe some broken bones if I was unlucky.

There were rocks on the ground. It took everything in my power not to pick those up and start throwing them at that fucking car. I could have been killed by these assholes. I got off my bike and showed them my middle finger to let them know that they were #1 (assholes) with me. If I had been smart, I would have gotten their license plate number. I would have picked up the bottle with the gloves from my first aid kit and put it in a plastic bag. Then I would have started the process of prosecution/suing/something really motherfucking nasty.

By the time I realized that I should’ve gotten their license plate number, they were too far away for me to read it, and there was no way I was going to chase after them. I went inside and worked out my frustrations on the weight bench and punching bag.

I tell you, it feels motherfucking good to get shit like that off your chest!

10

If this happens to you regularly and in the same general location, I would advise you to call your local law enforcement agency. Tell them what is going on and when it occurs so they can be in the area to catch these guys. Trust me, the police hate these jerks as much as you do and would love to get them off the street before they hurt somebody.

11

All are good ways to draw gunfire in LA.

12

After reading SDP’s little tale, I realized just how lucky I am. I’ve never had a projectile thrown at me from a car, and no one ever tried to grab me when my I rode my bike. Where do you live, SDP, so I know where NOT to go (unarmed, at least)?

I, too, had the intention of remembering the license plate numbers of the cars that wronged me years ago, but for a sinister, immature reason, involving a long rag, and a lighter… I’d let the law handle it nowadays.

These incidents are thankfully, rare (about four times a month). They do happen in a limited area, only because I only move about in a limited area. But if this happens many more times, I’ll do my best to sic Johnny Law on them.

I empathize with you, SDP. May the occupants of that SUV tip over in a high-speed turn down a mountainside into a pit of hungry alligators.

13

Friend of mine rides not a bike but a motorbike and regularly curses the a) apparently wilful blindness of certain tintops and b) the definitely malicious tintops who have been known to pull stunts like this on him.

He believes in revenge rather than taking licence plate numbers. In a method that’s going to get him into severe trouble one day, several cars have gone their way with the imprint of size ten steelcap boots in their doors.

Please note, I don’t actually recommend this - especially if you’re not wearing steelcap boots :smiley:

14

(tavalla, I know it’s wrong and dangerous, but the thought of steel-toed booting cars as they nearly drive over me in the crosswalk is just delicious!)
As for the staring, up the ante a little by staring (without blinking) just a little beside their eyes. Apparently, someone staring at you just beside your eyes is subconsciously interpreted by humans as an unsettling thing, like the not blinking thing. But try not to get shot.

15

When I was a little girl (like maybe 8 or 9) I’d bought a pumpkin from the corner store for Halloween, and was riding it home balanced on the handlebars of my bike. This was a slow and wobbly process all by itself, so it didn’t help when a big van pulled into the bike lane right behind me and honked their horn from just a few feet behind me, before laughing and driving away. I almost fell into the ditch. Luckily I managed to recover and didn’t even lose the pumpkin.

Another time, when I was in high school, I was walking home and a truck actually popped over the curb and chased me down across the big dirt walking area to scare me. Fuckers.

And once, several years ago, my husband and I were taking a walk when a car drove by going maybe 50. They chucked a couple of eggs at us. Judging by the 20 foot long spray pattern and the way the shell was practically powderized, I think we could have been seriously injured had they hit us.

I’m a fairly peaceful person, tree hugging hippy type… and yet if I’d had a gun with me on either of the latter occassions, I don’t know if I’d have been able to stop myself from popping off a couple of shots.

16

I live in St. Louis, Missouri. :wink:

While I deal with something along these lines every few weeks, my previous post’s situation was by far the worst incident of its type that I’ve ever had to experience. Apparently people riding bikes/running/walking are very popular targets for the scorn of certain assholes. In fact, just this morning as I was pulling into the bike rack at work some teenagers said some shit to me. I gave them the staring treatment. I gave them as cold and vicious a stare as I could manage. Then I locked up my bike and went on my way. They ended up looking like idiots.