Inane Questions

I just got these in my email from an (otherwise) intelligent woman friend. No matter HOW many times I’ve directed her to both here and Scopes, she insists on sending me this stuff.

That said, some of these are pretty damn funny. And yes, I know that Cecil covered some of them in the books.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? (THAT IS SO TRUE!!)

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?

Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

Hmm, I do not know…

You forgot last years most inane question:
Who let the dogs out?

Good point xizor…how about this?

If I married two midgets, would that be bigamy?

The best way to counter these are to give valid wise-ass answers.

Maybe if you sent her to Snopes? (I couldn’t resist! Watch for spelling errors…)

WAG 1 - it’s not necessary, it’s a tradition
WAG 2 - it keeps superstitious idiots calm, and other idiots from worrying about wild animals getting to their loved ones

Because hair is dead, so the UV rays break down the pigment, but skin is alive (except the outermost layer), so the UV rays trigger production of the protective melanin

Because opening the mouth stretches the skin all the way up to the eyes, making the eyelashes stand away from the skin, which makes it easier to put mascara on without getting it all over your face. We also raise our eyebrows.

  1. Glue has to dry to stick - the bottle is supposed to prevent this
  2. Bottles are usually plastic or glass - exceptionally hard surfaces for glue to stick to in the first place.
  3. You’ve obviously not tried to get the last drops of glue out of a bottle.

Because the psychic trade is at best therapy for idiots, at worst it’s a con job.

Because it has a prefix and two suffixes tacked on to the latin word breve which means brief

WAG - it was originally a circle, but eventually changed to a square for logistical reasons. The name remained because “ring” had become disassociated from the concept of a circle.

Because it’s in the shape of a stick, you know, like a tree limb? Do you understand the concept of homonyms?

Practice - to do or perform often, customarily, or habitually. I wonder how many words in the English language don’t have multiple variants of meaning?

Rain doesn’t drop around here - it falls just like snow. Of course the rain comes down in raindrops - but that’s a noun, not a verb. That’d be like saying snow flakes.

WAG - you’re using your verbal processing area to find the address, so the words on the radio interfere with that.

The first is because lemon juice is mostly from real lemons, and the artificial flavor makes it a little cheaper. The second is hype.

Different root words: broker from brocuer - French for negotitator. Broke - from Middle english broken (sorry, doesn’t go any farther than that.)

Because it is measuring seconds - you know, those things that take 60 to form a minute?

Because everybody is trying to rush home. Just because they’re failing…

Because that’s what a dictionary is - a book that defines all commonly used words. Besides, how else are you going to get the etymology?

WAG - I will bet there is one, but the top doesn’t have as much of a functional purpose separate from being part of the foot as the sole or toes are, so we don’t have to refer to it often enough to incorporate the word into or daily vocabulary.

Because then you’d have to have mouse ranches.

Because the plane would be too damn heavy (Cecil covered this one)

What, you think their clothes are stuck on? This is another phrase where the meaning has become disassociated from the original words.

Because the driver’s license is needed for proof of age. :rolleyes:

[sub]Sorry, I’m in something of a mood here, besides I hate this kind of humor[/sub]

Because it takes a whole lot more than mascara to close a woman’s mouth.

I didn’t realize we found it that hard. I can put on mascara without opening my mouth. Actually when I do wear mascara (which is rare) I never open my mouth to put it on.

In the UK you do get rabbit and duck flavored cat food, neither of which I’ve seen in the US (although it may be available).

I suspect mice aren’t a cost-effective meat animal (just think of the little sledgehammers you’d need, for starters…), much like those ULs about [gruesome substance] being substituted for [other substance] where [gruesome substance] is much more expensive to produce than whatever it is replacing.

Hey Zyada…I previewed and everything! Still spelled Snopes wrong though…

I didn’t mean for you to ANSWER these dumb things!

Now I’m gonna go to sleep tonight and dream about mouse ranches…and little tiny ranchers…

What would the mouse ranchers ride to herd the mice? giggles insanely remembering the commercial with the cat ranchers

Well, like I said, I was in a mood.

I had this image of a woman in a drug store expecting enlightenment from a bottle of mouthwash. :smiley:

Zyada, excellent post! Next time someone sends me that list of questions, I’m going to attach your responses. Seriously.

But you forgot to answer this one: What’s the third word that ends in “gry”?

::ducks and runs::
[sub]sorry about that–I couldn’t resist[/sub]

Jeannie … must … die …

If you cut The Highlander exactly in half lengthwise and separated the two parts, would he wind up being cloned?

What would you call a low-sodium saltine cracker?

Who really thinks it’s funny to spell letters that are supposed to begin with the letter “c” with a “k” instead?

Jerry Lewis?