I am not hoping for anything thanks. I am trying to understand. I am also not talking about anything specifically homosexual.
I brought inter-racial couples and same sex couples in as they seem to be something that has and to a lessor degree still does breed similar feelings in people. I am not even suggesting it is the same reason, but it is a similar degree of emotion.
So how do you know the intent of the adult is not "proper? I am certainly not suggesting that it is always proper or that we should not be concerned. I guess in the long run it won’t mater people will simply believe what they will.
For all the reasons several posters have already suggested.
In the specific example that I stated above, with regards to the 22 year old and my 14 year old soccer player… It was easy for this adult to convince my young soccer player that he was cool and exciting. He was able to manipulate her. It was predatory. And it did not end well for her.
A 22 year old woman might have noticed that he had no job, lived with his parents, was involved in gang activity… the 14 year old was simply thrilled to be getting attention from this adult man who she thought was cute.
There is a power imbalance with the kind of age difference you are discussing. If I, as a 28 year old woman, dated a 15 year old boy I would have almost complete control over him. I would have all the money and financial power in our relationship because I’ve been working for years and have a college education and don’t have to blow off work for homeroom. I would be the only one of us who could have a car, apartment/house, credit card, etc. meaning that I would have final say over where we go and what we do since I control our transportation and have a private place to go if I want to cajole/seduce him. I would be the only one of us with any real relationship experience so I would have more knowledge of how men function within that dynamic and what buttons to push to get my way. I would most likely be his first sexual partner and would then be able to manipulate the emotions that come from that first sexual encounter.
These are just a few of the things that would be problematic with a May-December romance. Pretty much every company has rules in the handbook about supervisors not dating lower ranking employees for the same reasons.
It is THE factual answer, and it’s the only answer (phrased in different ways) that I’ve seen in this thread.
Let me dissaude you then. It is, infact, the normal response that normal people have for glaringly obvious reasons.
No, those things are irrational. This is rational.
quote]I have been thinking about it and I think it has more to do with being an alien thing. In the case of a adult-teen relationship I see it is more as well. I think we very rarely see these types of relationships, but we are undulated by sex offenders in the news. We obviously want to protect our kids and since is never happens in our experience it must be bad.
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No. We see it all the time. It’s not rare, it’s just gross and exploitive.
No. That is the actual reason. Sorry you don’t like it, but that’s the answer.
You have been given the answer to all of these questions. You just don’t like them. There is nothing deeper. You are not on the verge of exposing any irrational bigotries, ala racism. People don’t like creeps who perv on teenage girls because they are harmful and exploitive. They are social toxins. They are losers. They are low level predators.
But we’re working with the question: “Why does almost everyone consider a relationship innately bad between an adult and a minor over the age of consent inappropriate?” The relationships we’re talking about here are literally defined by the age difference in the two people. And you didn’t ask about relationships between forty year olds and sixty year olds - you specified that the younger person was a minor.
It’s too bad you’re not getting the answers you apparently wanted but this is what most people think about this.
smiley, you asked a question that has been quite adequately answered.
The question in your OP was NOT “Could someone prove, using statistically reliable, empricially based, peer-reviewed studies, that romantic relationships between adults and teenagers are ill-advised?” What you ACTUALLY ASKED was why people think poorly of them. You have been told by a dozen people or more why people think poorly of them. The answers have been remarkable in their consensus. If you ask another 100 adults I suspect they will answer in much the same way. You are free to disagree with people who don’t like these sorts of relationships. It is a free country and your opinion is yours to hold. But you asked a question and you’ve gotten your answer. Whether you do or don’t like it is simply not relevant; the answer to your question as to why people don’t like or approve of such relationships is that they feel they’re exploitative. I’m summarizing, but that is clearly how people feel. It would be ridiculous for you to question that that’s how people FEEL, because we are the only relevant authorities on how we feel about it. Whether or not our feelings are based on logic, facts or valid experience is a completely different question.
If you now want an answer to a different question, or would like to debate whether people are correct in not liking these relationships for the reasons they do, it might be advisable to clearly explain your question or position, perhaps in a new thread, or at least clearly stating it here and offering your arguments and/or evidence as the beginning of a debate.
I asked because Romeo and Juliet Laws deal with cases below the age of consent and I in my original post specified clearly we are talking about over the age of consent. Therefore I wanted you to clarify what you were talking about.
I understand your point, but as I have said in a few responses I believe those to be rationalizations. I don’t think people would get that emotionally upset by the thought that there is a maturity imbalance and that is what I have not been told.
I never questioned how people feel, I have asked them why they feel that. For example you are stating that they think they are exploitive. My question is based on what? Is it an irrational fear of something that in general does not happen or what is it based on?
I seek the deep why.
When I ask why people get goosebumps, I do not want because they are cold or afraid, I want that it is a vestigial evolutionary adaptation that is trying to make their fur stand on end to make them more insulated or look bigger.
I fail to see how your comment relates to my response. I did specify they were a minor and that they are over the age of consent. I didn’t say the reason they were together was because the adult was an ephebophile.
I imagine most people in a inter-racial marriage are not in general more attracted to members of that race. They are just two people who connected and for whatever reason began a relationship.
So it is your belief that any adult in a relationship with a minor is a “creep who pervs on teenage girls because they are harmful and exploitive. They are social toxins. They are losers. They are low level predators.” Is that correct? And you have no deeper reason to believe this? Certainly no irrational bigotry here.
It would be a non-sequitor to answer the question “Why does almost everyone consider a relationship innately bad between an adult and a minor over the age of consent inappropriate?” with the answer “Because workplace romances usually don’t work out.”
No. We see it all the time. It’s not rare, it’s just gross and exploitive.
No. That is the actual reason. Sorry you don’t like it, but that’s the answer.
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Certainly it is the common answer, but I am looking for why.
Obvious reason they can not articulate, but to say it is obviously wrong. The hallmark of bigotry.
When was the last time you experienced directly a adult in a relationship with a teen? You hear about people charged in the news, yes. Obviously those are accused of being exploitive.
It is not a matter of me not liking it. I am not here to change your mind. I am trying to get to the root.
It is being to be apparent that the reason is because in general these relationships do not happen anymore because of the negativity. They used to be common and I don’t think they were “gross and exploitive” then or are you suggesting hey were?
Of course based on such current negative feelings about them now very few would consider it. And again the only people we here about are child molesters etc.
That would be a non-sequitor. On the other hand as far as I can tell you have chosen to add your own limitation (being a ephebophile) and then when I raised that question ignored it completely.
And just for the record - most relationships don’t work out. I mean face it people generally start a fair number but only have one or two that work out, so that statement can be made about almost anything. For example: most heterosexual relationships don’t work out.
The answer has been very well articulated. If this “bigotry” towards creepers bothers you so much, then maybe you should start an activist group for them. The Creeper Anti-Defamation League, perhaps, or the United Creeper Fund.
I haven’t “directly experienced a relationship with a teenager” since I was a teenager. How about you?
If the deep reason has been well articulated please show me the post. Or will you simply say I need to look myself (which I have) and ignore it?
I am not talking about creepers. You are. I think your point is that any adult in a relationship such as this must basically be bad from your point of view. This is based on one experience you had?
Wow. So you are suggesting that in the past when it was the norm for men to not be basically permitted to take a wife until they were established were all exploitive?
Do you know how much this sounds like that guy who used to come in here and beg for one good reason he should not be allowed to date a ten year old if he found one that he felt was mature enough to consent to a relationship?
I am just saying that the ‘reason’ given is that they are unequal in the relationship. You reject this over and over again, because, presumably, the object of your affection seems like an equal to you. I am telling you this is is probably not the case in her mind, and putting the moves on her would put her in a bad spot. Your opinion is not the one that matters.