Inatimate (sp?) objects ... speaking to, getting agrey at, etc.

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

One last post and then I must get my butt back to work. Human emotion and objects.

A couple of days ago I was vacuuming (a noteworthy item in itself) when the damn thing got caught on the doorway. I threw a fit and kicked it a couple of times. Oddly enough I felt better afterwards.

I’m continuously talking to my PC - usually it’s “what in blazes are you doing now?”, or “no, don’t do that” It has yet to respond.

Several winters back we owned a Renault Le Car. Great for work as an “A” to “B” vehicle for lugging tools and such. Anyway, overnight we’d gotten a lot of snow and the little beast was good and stuck. As is his way, my husband is running late and still has to dig it out. (I’m watching from the window.)

  • climbs into the car, puts his coffee down, lights up a smoke, keys in ignition and it starts right up (what a good little car)
  • climbs out, digs a bit around the wheels
  • back into the car, places in reverse, no dice, hell, the wheels are not even touching the ground
  • more digging
  • back into the car, still no dice
  • more digging and a lot of swearing
  • back into the car - not an inch
  • more digging and a lot more swearing
  • back into the car - you guessed, not one inch
  • he now uses the shovel to beat the living crap out of the car
  • FUCK IT, he takes the truck
#2

I have even been known to carry a grudge against inanimate objects.

I had a coat with those inner bungee cords to tighten the waist…the little plastic end got caught on something once as I was pulling it from the closet, and WHAP! it pulled loose and smacked me a good one right on the cheek.

Instead of being glad I hadn’t put out my eye, I was so mad at the coat I stomped on it in a rage for five minutes and never wore it again.

#3

I’ answer this, but my computer is acting up and I have to reboot…

FUCK YOU COMPUTER!

:: hitting computer ::

Yer pal,
Satan

#4

At work, we have discovered 2 ways to get our computers to work:

(1) Threaten to throw the computer out the window.

(2) Call someone over to figure out what is wrong. When they get to your desk, you will show them what was not working and it will now work perfectly (making you look foolish).

(3) Hi Opal.

Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.

“I get along well with everybody.” --I.M.F.

#5

Hi Kat. Good to see that I’m still useful for something.

–
Teeming Millions: http://fathom.org/teemingmillions
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

#6

This reminds me of something amusing. I was in my old girlfriend’s car and she had one of those boxing nun puppets. So I slip it on and after playing with it for a second, use it to start hitting her. Does she get mad at me? No, she starts getting mad at the boxing nun and smacking it and yelling at it to stop.

Goodness, I have odd taste in girlfriends.

“I guess one person can make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”

#7

I talk to things like they’re dogs. For example, last night I was jammed up under the desk getting to the back of my 'puter to plug in my new camera. Realizing I’d be dead in an earthquake, I was saying things like, “Gooood desk…no earthquakes…be nice…don’t hurt me.”

Also, I tell things to “stay! stay…good boy!” and such. It’s all said in fun, and it actually helps me keep my sense of humor when my FREAKING CAMERA won’t plug in correctly.

I used to think the world was against me. Now I know better. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Laura’s Stuff and Things

#8

Smacks modem Would you stop lollygagging around and load the page already? Sheesh.

– Sylence

I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one.

#9

My computer.

Its a generic assembly that I got from a girl who owed me $400 and she got it from a drunk who owed her some money and he got it when he drank himself out of his business.

Not being real up on computer stuff, I get enraged when it takes me 4 tries to boot up because the thing says 'Windows error. Reboot your computer." frequently when I try to start it up, or it locks up, or I need to clean the garbage out of the hard drive, or since it has Win 95 in it – and I had no book to learn it with {took me 8 months and two ‘Dummies’ books to figure stuff out} trying to get rid of unused programs and then trying to replace unused programs because they are interlinked with everything else or having AOL jam up and dump me off-line or lock up my system and force me to restart.

Some days, I kind of wind up talking to myself after using the computer, – badly.