Tonight at the local video rental store, I see a stretch limo in the parking lot. The chauffer is holding open the door for 4 teenage girls to climb in. It struck me as a very strange thing to see. though I did once see another stretch limo at a McDonald’s hightway oasis.
What have you seen that just doesn’t fit?
At the end of a major street in my town is a large billboard, on which there is usually two big ads. For several months they were: JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS and DRINK BUDWEISER BEER. I always got a kick out of seeing those two giant ads right next to each other. I wanted to take a picture of them, but by the time I finally got around to it, THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE MARINES had taken it over one of the spaces and ruined it.
My smart alec dad got chauffeured around in a limo one day–something to do with business. Anyway, he and his friend decided to have some fun with the chauffeur who said he could drive the limo anywhere a regular car could go, and they got lunch at the drive-thru window at McDonald’s. Dad said the chauffeur was good to his word, but that it took about half-an-hour to get through because it was one of those McDonald’s where the drive-thru lane curved sharply around the building.
I once had a couple thousand dollars in my hands.
All very incongruous sights, especially that last one.
Taking a limo to McDonalds is actually becoming a cliche. Every year at prom time, you see at least a dozen limos going through the drive through, each containing a few laughing teens who think they’re being clever and ironic.
Once, when I was working at a grocery store, a woman wearing diamonds the size of quarters paid for her groceries with food stamps. The bag boy said she drove away in an SUV that was so new it still had temp tags.
And the most incongruous thing I have ever seen: When I worked at a convenience store, a well-groomed, attractive woman in her mid-thirties, wearing a business suit came in and asked to buy a can of snuff. Thinking it was for her husband, I asked “What flavor does he like?” She replied, “It’s for me, and I like Skoal Mint.” And to my amazement, before she left, she opened the can, and popped a wad of the stuff in her mouth.
A couple of days ago, The Indianapolis Star www.indystar.com ran a cartoon by Gary Varvel. The cartoon pictured Saddam Hussein on a balcony, dangling an infant labeled “UN inspectors” and saying, “Breach? What breach?” In other words, the worst insult Varvel could come up with was to picture Saddam as Micheal Jackson! I was severely boggled.
I worked a crappy night-job within the last coupla years, and one of my cow-orkers’ had an oldish limousine as a personal vehicle. (Limo rental being the family business.) Since the buses are crap in Vancouver, he’d usually drop me off at home after work. I often wondered what my notoriously snoopy & gossipy neighbors made of a 100lb leather-clad Mudd routinely being chauffered around at 3:00am.
Mmmm… unsavoury.
I’ve lived in Florida for quite some time now (God help me!) and yet I still can’t get over the sight of a giant plastic snowman (or Santa, or what-have-you) sitting in the middle of a nice green lawn flanked by palm trees. Extremely creepy.
It’s times like these that I miss Germany. Or anywhere there’s blankets of snow.
A few years ago, I was driving through my hometown (a small well-kept suburb of Philadelphia known for its many law offices and antique stores) around noontime, and three people crossed the street in front of my car as I sat at a light on the corner of High and Gay Sts. (No, really.) Two of these people were rather dumpy middle-aged women dressed in business suits. The third was a man wearing boots, black leather chaps, an open black vest (no shirt), and a leather police cap. I’m pretty sure I gaped openly.
A lady I know is very well off. She has a nice car, a nice home. etc.
Yet this baffles me:
she wears lipstick from a grocery store…but that’s not the cheap part. Whatever floats your boat.
This lipstick, however, is used up…there is nothing there! She has to scrape some out of the sides using a lipbrush.
So I said to her: don’t you just HATE it when they discontinue a lipstick you love?
her: oh it’s not discontinued. I mean why buy a new one when this one still has plenty.
(as she puts it into her coach bag).
I’m not religious but I live in a really Christian town. About three miles from my house, there’s this huge billboard for the Seventh Day Adventists with the words “Those Who Worship on Sunday Will be Marked with the Sign of the Beast” or some other such apocryphal words.
That sign makes me arch my eyebrow any time I happen to glance up and read it but the incongruity comes in from the fact that it’s situated right across the street from a Baptist church . .
All the overweight teenage girls at concerts who wear the tight fitting clothing emulating the star of the concert: Brittany Spears, Christina Aguliera, Madonna, et al.
The very overweight guy who works at the General Nutrition Center…when he’s not out on the sidewalk having a cigarette.
a road sign that said “Rest Area” with an arrow pointing off to the right. and when you look to the right, there is a cemetary!
(the actual rest area was on the other side of the cemetary)
A guy on a motorcycle on the freeway with no helmet talking on a cell phone. Big accident just waiting to happen.
A car with these bumper stickers:
PRO-CHOICE
MEAT IS MURDER
LOL. I love it. I confess that I am a huge beer drinker, but I don’t kid myself, booze is a drug too.
Which one did it replace? That could still be sort of funny.
Lately, I’ve been seeing limos at the mall and punk rockers at the ballet.
I was on the track team in High school, and we always had a tradition of keeping the girls and guys teams together - even though we had meets on different days. One time when we girls had a game, a bunch of the guys (5-6) who had girlfriends on the team followed us in a limo (one of these guys’ family owned a limo service).
The whole way there you had a big yellow school bus being followed by a limo… and the girlfriends of the limo boys were taking off their panties and bras and showing them to the guys in the windows. I think there was some flashing going on as well. What a sight!
I was driving from Atlanta to Greenville, SC once on I-85. Somewhere around mile marker 4, just inside the SC line, at 90+ mph, I spotted a large ostrich hanging out near the fence next to the freeway. Damn near wrecked the car, trying to make that one compute.
A few trips later, down that same stretch of highway, I realized there is a huge emu/ostrich farm in that area and this particular ostrich had evidently strayed to the furthest limits of its penned area.
Last night we drove around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights. After looking at houses with “icicle” lights hanging from every surface, and shapes of Angels, Deer, Santa and everything else oulined in lights, there was a tiny house with multicolored lights on the window spelling out “Elvis”.
Would that suburb be New Hope?
Would you be guessing that because of the Law offices and antiques, or the leather police cap wearing, S&M cowboy?