A few nights ago my wife was watching the tube, and when I walked in the room an advert came on. It was for Red Stripe Beer, I believe.
Here’s what I recall: A really squicky guy in a white coat caresses a bare foot, softly, breathlessly moaning something like “Such…a…ssoooffft…fooot…”. Then, from out of nowhere, this Caribbean guy shouts “Boo creepy foot doctor! Hooray beer!”
And that’s it.
A real headscratcher, that one. I may have to vote this as one of the most random things I’ve seen in a while attempting to pitch a product. Easily ranks up there with the string of disturbing ads Quiznos afflicted us with a couple years back, and gives The King a run for His Royal Pervertedness’ money. It could be the winner for 2006, even, unless I’ve missed some other advertisers attempting to entice us with something thoroughly repulsive.
There was one on the other night, showed a woman sitting on a straight wooden bench. Voice over saying how nice it would be if everything were soft, as the bench metamorphosed into a plush squishy sofa. The ad was for…
Stool softener.
Eeeeeewwww.
Two creatures with sheep bodies and human heads are eating new Smoothie Mix Skittles off of a stump. They are incredulous that two completely different fruits can be blended together to make something entirely out-of-this-world. Then a farmer walks in and shouts, “Hey sheepboys! Get back to work.” It’s irony, you see. That and the Sour Man are the only Skittles commercials I liked.
Sheep with human heads. Well shoot, gimme some candy, I’m sold.
I don’t have a problem so much with the random hooray guy. He seems pretty harmless, as out-of-nowhere as he is. It’s that infernal foot doctor. “Ssssoooofffft fffooooot…<moan>”. Brrrrr!
Less horrifying than profoundly irritating is a series of radio commercials for some used cars, Volkswagon I think. Not sure if they’re local or national. They feature people who’ve bought a used car being stalked by or stalking the new owner. It may be just me projecting, but some of them have to my ear a really strong and inappropriate sexual vibe. Plus, they call the cars “pre-loved.” It was bad enough when “used” cars became “pre-owned,” but I refuse to accept in any way the designation “pre-loved.” And not just because it sounds like they’re calling the cars old whores.
The new Red Strip ads suck. The ones that they showed during PTI on ESPN were great.
That Carribean guy (TCB): Red Stripe: The beer in the short, stubby, ugly bottle. When ugly people hold one, they look beautiful. (Turns to a white guy) You, sir: would you say you’re ugly? White Guy (WG): Well, no. I mean… TCB: You are very ugly! Here, hold this Red Stripe. (Hands over the beer) You are beautiful! Red Stripe: it’s beer! Hooray beer! WG: Hooray beer! TCB: …says the beautiful man.
To make it even worse, the animation is done in some really weird style that’s a)supposed to look all soft and trippy or b) is just cheap and crappy. Given the nature of the commercial, I’m betting on b).
The state of Wisconsin always makes every police enforcement ad shows white males doing all crimes. The latest is a drunk driving ad. Every criminal is once again a 30 something white male. The do this year after year, and it’s never a woman or a non-white. Ever!