I’m kinda vague on exactly what sort of establishment Meijers is, so I ask if you were looking for underwear or donuts.
Meijer is a Midwestern grocery store chain which also stocks other items (including clothing), so it’s entirely possible that they would have both!
That’s probably why so many old farts like me grow long white beards. It’s easier than shaving carefully enough to avoid cuts when none of the whippersnappers can help you find a styptic pencil.
(In a pet supply store you can find little jars of styptic powder next to the nail clippers.)
Dear Distinguished Gentleperson,
Mrs. Amazon can help:
Please note the dashing fellow illustrated on the packaging.
Not quite what the OP was looking for but it reminded me of a story.
I was checking into a hotel in Oklahoma City and the woman in front of me asked where the closest bagel shop was. He replied “Ma’am, this is Oklahoma, we don’t have bagel shops.” She chuckled and looked at me and I told her, “He’s not joking.” I’m not sure that she believed me either.
Surely there are cafes with bagels or an Einstein Brothers? OTOH, I grow parsnips and dehydrate mushrooms, so I may not understand the deficiencies of the world around me.
Meijers used to call itself “Meijers Thrifty Acres” and were HUGE. I mean, you could outfit a safari at that place (although I don’t think they sell guns anymore). I’m not familiar with Long Johns being a kind or brand of doughnut but I was in the clothing section and I don’t think it would have made a difference as she didn’t try to direct me to the food section.
Pretty much the same thing for me, but I was asking for a deli, and they seemed to be puzzled that such a thing would exist outside a supermarket. I lived in New York at the time and was in OKC for two weeks and decided not to fly back for the weekend. I was looking for a Jewish deli. This was 1994, and at the time, I might as well have been looking for an Ethiopian place.
Very few cafes in Oklahoma have bagels. I’d guess less than 5%. I’ve never heard of Einstein Brothers.
Yep. Now if you had been looking for a 24 hour BBQ joint, I’m sure they could have set you up.
Googling, Einstein Brothers (a chain of bagel shops) has a location in Oklahoma City. Lots of things that were once unavailable outside the coasts are now available throughout the country.
At the checkout counter, sure. When you’re shopping for a recipe, not so much.
I initially read that as “I might as well have been looking for an Ethiopian palace”. Same difference, I guess. You were about equally likely to find any of those things in Oklahoma City.
Further research: “Cubanelles are also called the Italian Frying Pepper, because they are great in a frying pan with a little olive oil.” Source
Also: “Italian Frying Peppers are easier to digest than regular bell peppers. They have mild, maybe ever so lightly piquant taste. In Italy, they are called frigitelli, except for Campagna region where they known as friarelli.” Source
Take yer pick …of pickled peppers
Cotter pins are sometimes called ‘split pins’, or ‘cotter keys’.
If you work with vehicles of any kind, it would be almost impossible to not deal with cotter pins. They’re everywhere.
Count me as another person who has never heard the term ‘grass whip’.
It’s a style of doughnut – rather than being a circle, they’re rectangular. Shaped kind of like an eclair, but not usually filled with cream, and a different texture from an eclair (the ones I’ve had are usually made from the same batter as a raised donut). Very Midwestern, as I understand it.
I think our store has it, but I’m not sure I’ve seen in on the shelf.
Now suet, that’s a modern mystery. I have a chili recipe that wants suet but no one carries it. (and considering what it is, maybe they shouldn’t!).
Our supermarket does carry it,m but it never seems to be in the same place twice, and no one there knows what it is. It is there, but since it takes upo exactly two inches of shelf space, it’s nigh-impossible to find.
Maybe your co-workers call them vegetable marrows?
Rhubarb is a common grocery checkout stumper. But while it’s been in every grocery I’ve used regularly, I doubt many people buy it so I’m not sure it qualifies as “incredibly common”.
I was looking for pitas in a now-closed grocery in Urbana, IL, and the staff had no idea what I was talking about. Flatbread? Pocket bread? Nope. “Couldn’t you just buy a roll and squish it?” 
A Meijer (no s at the end) moved in a half mile away and the first place didn’t last. Meijer had pitas. Maybe this place did too, but the staff didn’t know about it.
Are those French terms? I’ve seen them in menus in French restaurants.