Incredibly simple tasks (seemingly) everyone but you can do

Yeah, I can’t draw anything. I can grab a straight edge or any round object and do ok, but I cannot make a pencil go where I want it to.
And I can Magic Eye about 50% of the time, and I also see patterns pop out on occasion. Little contrasting tiles do that to me also.

I am also rice-challenged. And for all those people who keep saying to get a rice cooker, it works miracles, let me say that I have one and it still doesn’t help. First of all, nobody can agree on how much liquid to how much rice. Some say 2 cups of liquid to one of rice, some say use the markings on the rice cooker, some say put in rice then water up to one knuckle (which never makes sense because the proportions would be off; if you have a flatter, wider pot you would be using relatively more water. In any case, it usually comes out overcooked and mushy on the outside and still crunchy on the inside.

USB plugs are always the wrong way on the first try, and sometimes also the wrong way on the second try. If it helps, though, most of them have a picture of the USB icon on them (it looks sort of like a pitchfork), and that’s usually on the top.

And I used to do the Magic Eye thing with chainlink fences, long before the pictures were invented. But it still took me a while to get used to the pictures.

(Here’s how to cook rice: use any amount you wish, rinse it once, then spread your hand and fingers on top of the rice and fill until the water reaches the second knuckle on your finger, any finger. Now put it in the rice cooker. Ta Da! This method works for any amount of rice, any method of cooking; rice cooker, stove top, camp fire, gas or electric!

It’s no fail, I promise!)

No that method doesn’t work for me for rice. If a use a wide flat pan I have twice as much water as if I use a narrower, taller pan with the same amount of rice. The former comes out overcooked and the latter comes out undercooked. It is just the same as the rice cooker. Sure it shuts off automatically when all the water is absorbed but that doesn’t mean that the rice is at the correct state of doneness. Maybe I’m picky because I care about more than just if all the water is absorbed; I also want the rice to be tender but with the right amount of bite and fluffy without clumping.

Fill pot with water (minus about two inches for boil room). Add rice. Boil. When the rice is tender, *drain *the water.

Cook your rice like pasta. Takes the measuring right out of it. Your rice will be fluffy, because you’ve diluted the loose starch in plenty of water.

Don’t use this method if you want sticky rice.

Magic eye posters and 3D films… they must be amazing, and I feel like I’m missing out on something stunning, but that’s the way it is. My eyes never were straight, so I don’t even have a clue of what I am missing. Can’t parallel park very well either.

It’s frustrating to watch someone say “Wow, look right there…I see it now, it’s Daffy Duck standing next to Pluto” and I see just repeating patterns.

Rice and water, twice as much water as rice. Maybe add a bit of butter, or margarine or salt, if you’re so inclined. Bring to a boil. Stir, cover and turn the heat way down to a bare simmer: like the second dot on an electric stove. Wait 20 minutes and fluff with a fork. Do not peek at the rice, and for God’s sake make sure you turn the heat way down.

Comes out perfect every time.

Stop with the rice suggestions! I have heard them all! It DOES NOT come out perfectly every time. I have done the “cook rice like pasta” thing. I have used the 2:1 ratio. I have done the simmer for 20 minutes thing, I have done the “start with cold water, bring to a boil then turn off and let sit” thing, I have done the “add rice to already boiling water” thing. Please accept that I cannot make rice! (Risotto, OTOH, comes out great because I can watch it and add liquid slowly until it is just the right amount of doneness).

Chopsticks. This is especially embarassing because my Asian-American wife taught our children from infancy and now they look at me as if I’m some sort of Western Imperialist.

You know that thingy where people stick out their toungues and it rolls into a circle? Can’t do that, can’t come close, look really stupid when I try. I heard somehere it’s genetic, so maybe I get a pass on that one.

Threading a needle. There’s a little wire thing with a loop in it – you stick that through the needle’s eye, then thread through the loop and pull it back through the eye. Except I can’t get the wire thing through the eye in the first place.

This sounds very strange. So a picture of dolphins, say, will appear embossed? And the background layer will appear to be coming out the page?
Also, you are supposed to converge your eyes.

Since some people were mentioning other times they use their magic eye “skill”, I should point out a semi-practical use: if I need to tell the difference between two near-identical photographs, I cross my eyes until the photos overlap (I might need to hold them far away from my body to make this achievable).
Anything that is different between the two photos will flicker / flash.

I can’t make a yoyo work.

I can’t do a somersault.

It’s pretty mandatory in the West Coast US. But I have a sob … confession. You know how sometimes chopstick instructions tell you to start with holding one like a pen? I umm… avoided learning to hold a pen properly and my normal method is the “lobster claw.”

I also tie my shoes the “bunny ears” style. It’s not incredibly rare, but definitely the less popular of the two main methods.

[quote=“Mijin, post:91, topic:751781”]

This sounds very strange. So a picture of dolphins, say, will appear embossed? And the background layer will appear to be coming out the page?
Also, you are supposed to converge your eyes./QUOTE]
They can be designed either way but convergence-assumed is rarer. Wikipedia says:
“There are two ways an autostereogram can be viewed: wall-eyed and cross-eyed. Most autostereograms (including those in this article) are designed to be viewed in only one way, which is usually wall-eyed.”

And yes, I can even see the animated shark at the bottom. It didn’t come immediately when Magic Eye first became popular in the 90s.

It’s even more deeply mysterious than that. Sometimes it’s possible for a living soul to cross over from one parallel universe to the other. It happens without warning, and there is no detectable sign until rice cooking is attempted.

I used to be able to cook perfect rice for years with such consistent reliability that I never gave it a second thought. Sometimes instead of white rice I’d make rice with concentrated vegetable broth or some such thing and I’d just casually throw in an estimated extra amount of water that seemed about right. Sometimes I’d also throw in dried porcini mushrooms that had been soaking for awhile. Didn’t matter. Always turned out perfect.

Then one day an ordinary batch of white rice turned out far too wet and mushy. Same Uncle Ben’s I’ve always used. I originally thought there was something different about the particular batch, and I actually bought a bag with a later expiry date and threw the first one out. How silly. Needless to say, the new purchase and all subsequent ones have produced the same results. I now know that what really happened was that some critical change in the cosmic harmony caused by a subtle shift in the positions of the galaxies and the increasing proximity of the supermassive black hole in Andromeda conspired to create a rift in spacetime that propelled me into the alternate universe where rice-cooking is not a casual matter but a highly skilled art form.

But I’m proud to say that I persevered and learned to adapt to my new universe. I experimented with different amounts of water, different cooking times and temperature settings, and have trained myself to once again make acceptable rice. But in the universe that I now inhabit, it takes exquisitely careful measurement of rice and water, careful timing, and a long rest time in the covered pot to make it. You could run a university level course on it. I really miss my old, simple rice world. It’s also frightening to think that everyone I interact with, my own family and children, are not who I think they are, but clones in a parallel universe. And no doubt none of them can make rice.

I’m not sure I follow your logic on the last bit there, wolfie. When the Great Shift happened, you wound up in a world where preparing decent rice requires the finesse of an artist and the skill of a surgeon. I get that part. But in this new universe is rice now a delicacy available only to kings and other potentates? I suspect not, or else you’d have noticed the change straight away. Your first trip to the grocery store would have been a dead giveaway. As soon as you picked a bag of rice off the shelf, a murmur would have run through the store. It could scarcely have escaped your notice as the patrons cleared your path on the way to the checkout register; their awe-filled expressions betraying what was in their thoughts “behold this God who strides the Earth in our midst, for he shall be cooking rice!”

No, along with the difficulty in cooking rice must come a talent, a gift, a divine spark that grants others the ability to achieve the impossible. Your family, your children, they must be imbued with this genius, and yet as unaware of it as we are to the very air we breathe.

A pity that the shift only seems to go one way. Imagine the wonders one of these rice artisans could achieve if they were to find themselves in the normal-rice world.

Another non-whistler here.

I cannot wrap gifts. Okay, technically, if you want to define the term loosely, I guess I can do it…that is, I can cover an object with wrapping paper and tape the paper down so that the object is no longer visible. But no matter how painstakingly I try to do it properly, the result looks like my cat did it.

Yes, some of us have stronger tongue muscles in one direction (and can twist our tongue lengthwise without holding it with our teeth or fingers), others in a different direction (and can do that circle thing).

My nephews recently made the mistake of laughing at me because I couldn’t do the circle thing, but I knew that would mean they can’t make the twisting thing!

I was always told that that was a genetic trait only a few people in the population could do. Like 1/3 or something.

Back in HS biology we tested this by going around the school and sure enough, we showed about the same rate as the book said. I dont remember what it was.

Isn’t this suppose to be a genetic thing? Or at least one of them is( the circle thing?)I think. No matter; I can both :cool: So I’ve got that going for me, which is [del]nice[/del] useless.

This a fun thread :). With all the permutations of things besides rice cooking that are either undoable/easy-peasy we’re not talking about one parallel universe, but a full-fledged multiverse :eek:. And what happens when a rice-artist and a rice-musher meet, do they go up in a blaze of ricy energy?

Anyway, in MY universe, where I’m a limited cook, but competent in the basics, my method has always been: boil water in a small pot, throw in two cups of rice (always the cheapest no name brand for 0.99 €/kg or so) and a tablespoon of salt, turn down the heat, let simmer for 15 minutes, sieve it, ready. Has never failed, and I never gave it a second thought before opening this thread. I have always wondered why there are things like rice-cookers when it’s so damn easy to make on a stove, now I know.

ETA: for the record:

I can whistle, but not with my fingers

I can roll my tongue

I can’t fold fitted sheets for shit and won’t learn it after having watched the video. I’d might as well learn origami. It’s useless.

I can do the Vulcan with both hands, but not the American three beers sign (so glad I’m German :-))