Indicating respect for other people/places/events-- how do 20/30-somethings do this?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I thought about putting this in GD and asking if the concept of “showing respect” is outmoded and passé. But I suspect it isn’t, as fights can break out if someone feels “dissed.” But how do the youngest adults show respect these days in various circumstances?

What got me thinking about the question is the following: One of the techs at my vet’s office, a guy in his mid-20s, still calls me “Miss Jones,”* even though I’ve been coming there for eight years. Lately he has called me “ThelmaLou” a couple of times (I’m coming every other week for treatments for my senior dog.) Either form of address is fine with me, but I think it’s sweet and respectful that he still calls me “Miss Jones.” (I’m old enough to be his grandmother.) I think some women are offended by this or by being called “ma’am.” I like it. I’m not passionately opposed to assumed familiarity (i.e., using my first name right off the bat), but I think it’s a sign of respect to be more formal when you first meet someone, especially someone older.

[The examples that follow are before COVID and distancing.]

One time I was out walking my dog and a young man about 18 years old came toward me on the sidewalk. When he got close, he tipped his hat (a ball cap), and then he bent over to greet my dog. I was flabbergasted, impressed, and frankly, touched. This was such a sweet, old-fashioned gesture, but a meaningful one to me.

There are things from “my day” that feel respectful to me, but I’m wondering if young adults have different signals. I was raised to consider the following to be gestures of respect: taking off your hat inside (males), holding doors for people (of both genders), opening a car door for someone, holding someone’s chair as they sit, standing when an older person comes in the room or comes to the table (especially if you’re male and it’s a woman who arrives), giving someone your seat on a bus or in a waiting area, nodding in a friendly way as you pass on the street.

Are these things seen as outdated and old-fashioned by the youngest adults? If so, in what ways do they show respect to each other, older people, places, events (e.g., funerals)?

* Nobody knows what ThelmaLou’s last name was, so I just made up Jones.

2

There are a few young whippersnappers that call me ‘sir’ just to piss me off. Others do it occasionally with what seems to be a sincere but shallow intention of respect. Other than forms of address I do see people use the same practices they always did, holding doors, indicating an ‘after you’ to let someone pass, a tip of the hat or nod. I don’t think these things are so much age related, there’s a level of politeness with strangers everyone should exhibit. I guess fewer do than should.

3

They drop an F in the chat.

[This literally means “respect” in on-line games, apparently, but it’s expanded out]

I think it really depended on the sub-culture. Hispanic kids say “Miss”, used like “ma’am”, not like an honorific. African American kids often put a lot of weight in saying “Hello” as they walk past someone–verbal acknowledgment seems to be a bigger deal there. Certainly holding doors is still a thing.

4

Holding doors, giving up a seat to someone in need, those just seem like polite measures of common courtesy. I don’t see age related to those at all.

Referring to older women as “Miss name”, that seems like a southern thing. I’m not sure I’ve ever called anyone “Miss name” to their face other than teachers.

5

It wasn’t my intention to make those seem age-related. Sorry if I didn’t communicate well.

6

F is for paying respect to the (metaphorically🌟) fallen, and originated in a single player game. (Or, rather, the single-player campaign from a FPS.) It’s not tipping your hat, it’s removing it and holding it over your heart.

:star2:It became a meme to mock the ludicrousness of the thing, so using it to pay respect to someone who’d really died, rather than simply metaphorically so (ie: being rejected, being severely dissed, publicly making a stupid mistake) would be somewhat tone deaf.

7

I’ve noticed this from Black men in particular, often uttering some sort of greeting as they pass. Never women.

And how about a man walking around the car to open a woman’s door, while she waits to get in/out? My late brother did this his entire adult life.

8

It’s a new world out there for this boomer. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

9

That is REALLY obscure.

10

Doesn’t work with social distancing, though. I wouldn’t assume right now that anybody, of any age, who isn’t holding a door is failing to do so from a lack of respect; they may just be assuming that you and they shouldn’t come that close to each other.

11

Ha! I just saw this in a Bored Panda comment (and subsequent replies) and had no idea what it was all about. Didn’t really care all that much so I didn’t bother trying to google it. So, thanks! Now, I know…er, TIL.

On edit: I always say ‘hi’ to people I pass when I’m walking my dog. It’s always interesting to see who responds and who doesn’t. Most people are pretty friendly. And, of course, my dog is seriously cute, so that helps. :grin:

12

I still do it.