I’ll be getting married soon, and are in the process of gathering the guest list for the invitations. I’d like to have my coworkers there because they are good people, but given the size of my office, I can’t just invite a couple. I see it as sort of an all or nothing decision. Even if only half of them came, that would still be more than I can handle. Should I let them know that while I would have loved to invite them all, I just can’t out of practical concerns or just let it go? Some of the women have been asking me about wedding plans, but I haven’t talked in detail (I’m fairly private anyway).
I may host a small cocktain reception afterwards for those I couldn’t invite, or do you think that would exacerbate the non-invite?
The way that you inform people that they are not invited is to not send them an invitation.
If your co-workers are polite, they won’t pester you about it, but if they do, you can say something like, “Oh, it’s going to be a pretty small wedding, just family and our closest friends.” If they press you for an invitation or whine about why they weren’t invited, they’ve pretty much let you off the hook as far as worrying about offending them. I wouldn’t say anything like “I wish we could invite you”; somehow that always sounds like a backhanded way of saying “We’re specifically NOT inviting you.”
OTOH, hosting a cocktail reception (at a later date, I assume?) would be a lovely gesture.
Yeah, what Scarlett said. I especially like the idea of some kind of a reception; you can tell them it’s so you can celebrate your happiness with all of the people who have meant so much to you (or something like that).
Peg - precisely the same thing happened to my wife and I, and do you know what we did. We didn’t invite them. We blamed it on cost. (which was not the real issue)
7 years ago when we got married we were 27 years old. we had been together for 2 years when we got married and our jobs were pretty good and solid.
In the end it is YOUR day. And you have ultimate say as to who goes to your wedding.
And a small cocktail receptions after the honeymoon would be delightfully classy.
Thank you for the responses. They are helpful. No, fortunately my co-workers have not been pestering me about getting an invitation. I’m not sure they expect it. Mostly, the women are just curious about how the plans are coming along because … I guess people just like hearing about these things. I’ll plan on a cocktail party after the wedding. We’ve got a little bit of time between the wedding and us leaving for our honeymoon, so I will try to mash it in there.
Phlosphr – as much as I’d like to think that it’s my day, I think some things are just out of my control. Like family. But I won’t go into that, lest I start to Pit myself.
A woman in my office got married recently. I had a great time talking wedding plans with her, but would have been surprised if she’d invited me because we don’t socialize outside of work. Another co-worker did get invited, and my only reaction was to be pleased to have someone who could report in on the wedding right away.
Don’t feel bad about not inviting your co-workers, only the rudest types would be offended…those who honestly like you will simply be delighted that you are having yourself a beautiful wedding.
About 4 years ago, when I was still in Virginia, one of the engineers here in Jax got married and invited everyone in this engineering group to his wedding - save 2! I returned here three years ago, and I’m still hearing stories about how these two guys weren’t invited.
Announce that while you would like to invite everyone, finances prohibit it and to be fair you are sending out invitations randomly with x number of actual invitations (like a lottery).
Send identical envelopes to everyone. To the people you like, send actual invitations. To the people you don’t like, send cards that say “Sorry - Try Again Later”
Just don’t mix them up.
