Injustice may exist. I blame Kerry!

It’s been brought to my attention that there may be injustices suffered right here in the U.S. of A. I don’t actually have any proof, but it’s likely that it does, and if John Kerry hasn’t used his power as presumptive Democratic nominee, well, he obviously doesn’t care about (a) little people like you and me, (b) human rights, or © common decency. If you think I’m an idiot, than you don’t care either. Go ahead and put your head in the sand like Kerry, you hateful monster.

Some of the human rights abuses that may or may not exist but which are Kerry’s responsibility:

(a) people breaking minor traffic laws often given tickets, fined.
(b) occasional disputes over billing between billers and billees.
© children made to eat vegetables.
(d) Saturday New York Times crossword too hard for regular Joes.
(e) Catwoman movie.
(f) the designated hitter rule.
(g) I can’t find my car keys.

This is only a partial list. It should be known that this is only a small portion of the things that may or may not have happened without Kerry rushing in to make things right. Ignorance is no excuse!

If you disagree, it’s just because you’re a dumb liberal partisan.

Wait. This may be against the rules about joke threads, but this is a parody and done with a purpose – see the latest threads in the BBQ pit, and for examples.

I thought it was clever. Good parodies are a long standing Pit tradition. Well done, Skutir.

Well, damn. I can’t stay mad at you if you compliment me, Lib!

(h) late afternoon thunderstorms

Here’s the backstory. Kerry had scheduled an outdoor rally, expecting to draw ~15,000 people. As occasionally (but all too rarely lately) happens here, we got just absolutely slammed with rain and the event had to be moved to an indoor theatre seating 3,500. Obviously, many people could not get in.

The paper did not mention when Campbell expects a brain to be available for transplant.

I like good reasoning, good rhetoric, and good humor. Life’s too short to hold grudges. :slight_smile:

John Kerry is responsible for my aunt’s gout!

(f) the designated hitter rule.

Well someone’s gotta pay for that one, and if it happens to be Kerry, so be it.

(i) The heartbreak of psoriasis!

If Kerry hadn’t missed all those roll-call votes, there would have been funding for the research to find a cure!

(j) Goddamn fucking bees!

OK, that made me laugh! :smiley:

The BOONDOCKS cartoon in this morning’s paper shows a man-on-the-street interviewed about who he’ll vote for. He says that Bush has lied about the reasons for the war on Iraq and lied about the WMDs, so that all those people died in Iraq for a made-up reason, and he just got fired because his job went to India, and he doesn’t have health insurance and can’t afford gas, and basically life stinks and it’s all Bush’s fault. But, on the other hand, Kerry might be a little wishy-washy on some issues, right now he could go either way.

Helping out for the Kerry campaign, I can attest that you hear “If this is how the Democrats are going to run their (expletive) campaign, we’re not going to win,” from completely clueless individuals all the time. You of course humor them, but inside you are laughing out loud at people who think that if we don’t have any Kerry rulers printed up, we’re going to lose. Nobody carries rulers around in public. People don’t change their votes based on seeing somebody’s name on a ruler anyway. It’s a tremendous expense with almost no payoff.

But then again, I met a woman today who said she was for Edwards/Kerry until she found out from a Republican friend that Edwards is into “channeling” and other occult practices. Only later did I realize that her “friend” had obviously told her that John Edward, lekatt’s favorite dead-talking psychic, was the same guy as John Edwards, Kerry’s running mate. If I had a Kerry-Edwards ruler, I might have been able to beat myself to death with it.

“If we don’t supress the vote in Detroit…”

Kerry is to blame for the Catwoman movie?

Jesus, Bush is a saint compared to that unspeakable evil!

Let’s not go too far here – even in that ass-ugly costume, Halle Berry as Catwoman is still far easier on the eyes than Dick Cheney… :wink:

I didn’t get the memo. When did we stop blaming Clinton for everything?

When Kerry became the presumptive democratic nominee.

She could have also been referring to Edwards’ ridiculous theatrics as a trial lawyer, making millions off of junk science with such strategies as lying to the jury.

“Gee, how can I win this case? Facts aren’t going to do it. Hmmm…maybe lying and cheap theatrics will!”
“She said at 3, ‘I’m fine.’ She said at 4, ‘I’m having a little trouble, but I’m doing OK.’ 5, she said, ‘I’m having problems.’ At 5:30, she said, ‘I need out.’”
**“She speaks to you through me and I have to tell you right now – I didn’t plan to talk about this – right now I feel her. I feel her presence. She’s inside me, and she’s talking to you.” **
:rolleyes: Way to use a poor little girl to convince a jury to give you a ton of money.

Oh, Og. Oh, Og. I mis-read that at first. Now I have the image of Cheny wearing the “catwoman” outfit in my head.

I must disinfect my brane with lysol.

Wow, you didn’t just drink the kool aid, you fucking chugged it.

I don’t suppose you can offer a cite for John Edwards lying to a jury? Nope. Didn’t think so.