And you thought dog fighting was bad enough. Oh no, this goes much deeper.
I am printing a copy of this right now, and then going to bed with it under my pillow.
In the morning I’ll let you all know how fucked up my dreams were.
That’s actually “$63,000,000,000 billion,” or 63 billion billion dollars, as named in the suit.
A much more hilarious read, though, is a prisoner civil rights suit filed last year by the same guy, the defendant list for which is a stunning 57 pages long (PDF here), and lists hundreds of entities, non-entities, and… uh… time periods that have wronged him. Among them:
BENEDICT XVI
POPE
CLEO
MISS
JOHN DEERE
TRACTORS
GAMBINO
CRIME FAMILY
NUCLEAR POWER PLANT
THE SALVATION ARMY
MAGNA CARTA
MEDIEVAL TIMES
MEALS ON WHEELS
LINCOLN MEMORIAL
MT. RUSHMORE
VARIOUS BUDDHIST MONKS
MEIN KAMPF
THE DA VINCI CODE
HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
2005 ROSTER, INCLUDING DONOVAN MCNABB
MING DYNASTY
GANGS IN HONG KONG
MERRIAM WEBSTERS DICTIONARY 10TH EDITION
Pages and pages and pages of this. It’s the funniest thing I’ve read in ages.
[Dr. Evil] “I demand…1 billion, gagillion, fafillion, shabolubalu million illion yillion…yen.” [/Dr. Evil]
I’m just happy to know that I’m not the only one the Magna Carta has screwed over.
Personally, I was expecting the Spanish Inquisition to make the list.
Ooh, me! Me!
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
I love the very end of the PDF linked from the news article.
“Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.”
I mean, physically hurting the guy’s feelings is one thing, but dashing his hopes is out of line.
Brendon Small
Oh that we could get money from athletes who dash our hopes.
I only got a third of the way through. I think my favourite was :-
I was under the impression that he’d given that post up, being as how he’s been missing for over 30 years now. Or does the plaintiff know something no-one else does?
Are you kidding? This guy knows things that nobody wants to know.
He’s probably referring to James P. Hoffa, Jimmy’s only son, and president of the Teamsters since 1999.
Then again, he also names George Orwell, Nostradamus, and the Roman Empire in his suit, so who knows. 
I’m a Cubs fan…I’m sure they owe me at LEAST 63 billion by now.
He sued Zeus. Apparently Zeus violated his civil rights. Not to mention the Virgin Mary and the Holy Grail.
I love that he’s suing for use of his copywrited, personal name. That is awesome.
But you’d have to take into account contributory negligence.
HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS
Seriously! Those selfish assholes living totally fucked over his chance at that promotion last year.
Here’s my question: how can he be anti Mein Kampf, but also anti Holocaust Survivors? Maybe he thinks Mein Kampf didn’t go far enough?
MERRIAM WEBSTERS DICTIONARY 10TH EDITION
Yeah, the 9th edition is cool, but that fucking 10th edition is just *awful. * I mean, when you look up idiot, it’s got this guy’s picture and if that isn’t a personal affront, I don’t know what is.
An excellent point. I have always thought that the Cubs fans’ anthem should be that old Joan Jett song “I Hate Myself for Loving You.”
You guys laugh, but if manages to settle with Vick for just (1/10)^10 of 1% of that, he’ll make a cool $63,000,000.
…reminds me of the Married with Children episode where someone in the Bundy clan gets in an accident with a Mercedes owner (and naturally, his car) and the owner proceeds to sue the Bundys as it was their fault. The Bundy’s countersued for 1 gillion dollars. Such a great show…
I love how he wrote out the filing against vick by hand. Also, he seems to have copyrighted his name. Great stuff.