A friend of mine in high school got in trouble for trying to use this:
“Don’t pull on that…you don’t know what it’s attached to.”
for his yearbook quote. For goodness sake, it’s about brain surgery. School administrators have such dirty minds 
.
Then there’s always “Bowling a maiden over”…
(waits to see if any other American dopers will get that one.)
One of the English (language, not lit) textbooks I teach from has a dialogue where a man explains to a florist why he’s buying so many roses. It’s his anniversary, and his wife is still mad at him about what he did the previous year.
“I gave her a hammer.”
Well, my mind is in the gutter. “Gave her a hammer” sounds too much like wild mad sex on the dining room table 
Mounting a hard drive…
All right - I’m the first:
“Need some wood?”
Highlight of last night’s debate.
Aunt Millie’s Buns®
If something is fairly zesty, my husband will say that “It’s got a big of wang to it.”
Some of the bills we get at work are for nipples and clamps.
Let’s not forget the planet Uranus
That is always good for a joke and smile.
I’ve always thought that one was pretty dirty, but people throw it around so casually. I have a lot of trouble saying it with a straight face, myself.
“I spent the summer beating off ex-boyfriends.”
Uttered by someone at the school newspaper.
If we really want innocent phrases that sound dirty, how about: “While we were at drama camp, my sister and I became thespians together.”
And my personal favorite, from a baby-care book, explaining that both mother and child will appreciate when rectal thermometers are coated with vaseline or KY Jelly before use: “Once well-lubricated, insertion will be much more comfortable for both parties.” :eek:
As I said to one of my fellow teachers, “This guy had better be using that as some sort of filthy slang, otherwise…well, what the hell kind of an anniversary gift is a hammer?”
When I ran heavy equipment we frequently “mucked out holes in the road.”
I do a lot of reading for our quiz bowl team. “Titular” comes up a lot. I giggle.
(Once, there was a question about a particularly well-endowed woman. There was an editor’s note stating that he really did mean “titular”. I giggled.)
Just don’t offer a British girl a “fanny pack”. (:eek: again!)
I broke my toe this week and went today to get those socks that have separate toes so I can wear flip flops for a few days. Putting them on I told my daughter –
“Oh heck, I put two piggies in the same hole.”
If anyone’s ever played the boardgame Settlers of Catan, you’ll know that its a game about trading resources.
After a successful trade, some people have been known to happily say, “I got wood for sheep!”
In highschool, one of my friends was having fun turning any normal, innocent phrase into something sexual. I was trying to stump her. As I explained to another friend: "I’ve been trying to think of a phrase that can’t be turned dirty. I’ve been at it all day!"
I still haven’t lived that one down.
I had a roomie who bought a new scratching post for his cat. Weeks later, he was talking about a female coworker and identified her with the phrase, “She’s the one I gave the ol’ scratchin’ post.”
But I do love, “…She had the most beautiful face I’ve ever come across.”
