I remember these from TV monologues, but I’ve forgotten all the other I’ve known.
Can you help me out?
I’ve got an office party this weekend and this stuff kills the boss.
(She always can top 3 or 4 employees taking her on at once.)
He wants to help wax her old Subaru.
Shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln
Has a Shower Massage with 5 speeds forward and 2 reverse
Knows where to apply those self-licking stamps
He always has a double roll of quarters on him
The UPS guy always wears his doorbell-ringing shorts
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.
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Actually, just add the phrase “If you know what I mean” to anything and it sounds dirty. For example–The nuns have gone to help the orphans, if you know what I mean.
I once called somebody a non-dirty insult and they took it as dirty. I called the guy a “pantywaist,” meaning a wimp. He thought I was calling him “panty waste,” like some sort of waste prodcut that you might find in a pair of panties. Yecch!
Hey, ThisYearsGirl, I’m gonna try the phrase you suggested if you know what I mean.
One day I came home, and my wife, who had been feeling pretty frisky the last couple of days, gave me a pained look and said, “Guess what I started today.”
I replied, “The great American novel?”
So now our euphemism for menstruation is “working on the novel.”
high sticking
Or, have you ever looked at a washing machine and thought about sex? (Don’t ask…):
Gentle action/Regular action/Heavy Duty
Cold/Warm/Hot
Small/Medium/Large/Xtra Large
Soak/Spin/Delicate/Cool Down
Mechanic’s phrases:
Balls Out / Balls to the Wall - Refers to old time engine speed governers, where the ball weights fling outwards at high speeds.
Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey - A brass monkey was a gizmo that looks vaguely like upward cupped fingers. It was used on warships in the bad old days to stack cast iron cannon balls. Since brass moves more with temperature than iron, when things got really cold the cannon balls would fall off.
I remember Letterman once doing a Top Ten list of “phrases that sound dirty but actually aren’t.” The only one I remember was #1, which was “skydiving over Mount Baldy.”
I’m pretty sure “balls to the wall” came from cockpits. The throttle, mixture and propeller RPM controls (which had “balls” on the end) would be pushed forward “to the firewall” (i.e., pushed so far forward, they figuratively are pushed through the panel and to the firewall) to achieve maximum speed. Hence, “balls to the wall”.
There was another thread that discussed “brass monkey”. IIRC, one poster stated he had studied old warships and had never seen a “brass monkey” to hold cannon balls. IMO, the phrase originated with literal brass monkeys that were used as decorations. (I have a brass monkey that holds a dip-pen that is a copy of one produced in the Victorian era.)
You’ve probably exhausted all the food-related ones in the past, but there are some good words that work in just about any sentence.
gravy: Your gravy is so smooth.
I can’t get enough of this gravy.
My god! How can one woman/man make so much gravy?
creamed: I see you prefer creamed corn. Interesting.
stuffing: Wow. Watching you do that gives new meaning to stuffing.
There’s also a whole list of great dirty-sounding sentences having to do with Thanksgiving. I’ve seen it twice so I’m sure you have too, but if you want I can ‘rout around in my funny file,’ if you know what I mean.
As far as that little saying goes, they actually have a skit for it on “Who’s Line is it Anyway?”–American version, not British. The funniest one I’ve heard there recently was, “Out chokin’ the nuns, if you know what I mean…”