Inspired by Chastain's Neighbor Rant--come Rant about your Homeowner's Association!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

Ugh!:mad: I have HAD it with our HOA. Really HAD IT UP TO HERE!!! Over the last two months we have gotten two or three notices to ‘fix up your flowerbeds or else’. We don’t HAVE flowerbeds! We have some dirt around our bushes but there are no flowers in them because a)hubby and I don’t really have time to take care of such delicate things as flowers and b)I am not the gardening type. Heck…I’ll be surprised if the bushes we put in this spring survive the winter.The letter said that our non-flowerbeds were degrading the community’s value and we needed to ‘fix them’ or somebody would come fix them for us. Mr.IDBB and I kinda shrugged it off and threw the letters away. So far nobody has come to put flowers in our non-existant flowerbeds for us. Yet. I doubt they actually will.
Another gripe,this one concerning something that’s been stewing since this summer. According to HOA policy, nobody under the age of 14 is supposed to be at the pool sans parents/guardians.It also clearly states that the guardian does NOT mean some stupid babysitter. Yet this past summer each and every time I visited the pool (usually late afternoon after work after 4 pm) I felt compelled to leave because of the large amount of 10-13 year old hooligans running(literally) around sans parents/guardians and most times without some sort of babysitter either. They were loud and acted like asshats (to borrow Chastain’s word). A lot of times there would also be younger children (ages around 5-8 or there abouts) with older siblings who were more interested in either yakking on the public phone or the opposite sex or yakking with friends and they usually didn’t pay too much attention to the ones they were supposed to be babysitting. The older kids were also extremely foulmouthed which I am guilty of myself sometimes but I try to watch it when I am around Little Pitchers with Big Ears™. These kids obviously didn’t care. I am so glad that if anybody ever got hurt at the pool NOBODY would be responsible, save the kids themselves. The HOA has covered their ass so that if somebody is injured in the pool they can’t be sued (swim at your own risk, no lifeguard on duty).
Ok…I’m done now.
Thanks.

IDBB

2

IANAL, but if the HOA has a rule about <14 yr olds being unsupervised AND there’s no one there to enforce it, a sign is not going to prevent them from being sued. If I were an asshat, I’D sue the HOA and make them hire lifeguards or shut down the pool.

Thankfully, I do not belong to an HOA, but there is a neighborhood pool association. It is primarily for this neighborhood and a fee ($225/yr) is required, but it is for the whole family. They have many posted rules, but there is a supervisory staff on duty at all times.

3

Ah…I wish we could have that sort of thing. I really do. Maybe that would also keep Mrs.Asshat Soccer Mommy from collecting all the kids in the neighborhood and dropping them off at the pool while she drives into nearby Frisco to go shopping and leaves a large group of elementary kids to frolic and act like morons assuming they will be ‘looked after’ by the older kids and the few adults who actually visit the pool.

IDBB

4

Asshats - It Just Makes You Feel Good! ™ :stuck_out_tongue:

I totally feel for you, and we have had similar problems with our Association. We actually are lucky enough (ahem) to have TWO Associations we must pay hard-earned money to, due to the area where we live and the sheer amount of public facilities we’ve got available to us.

To wit:

3 Swimming Pools.
2 Spa/Jacuzzis
2 Sets of Tennis Courts
1 Basketball Court
1 Big-Ass Park w/ Sidewalks My Neighbors Apparently Aren’t Aware Of

This all adds up to a large Association bill every month.

Now I can understand the need for notices sent to people who are delinquent with their yards–you really can’t afford NOT to bust on people who just let their homes become shitpits. It screws up the ability to list your home and make more money than you paid for it when your neighbor has beer cans and car parts strewn across the lawn. (Trying…not to…let rant…extend…to…neighbors!! :mad: ) So I totally understand it.

Mrs. Chastain and I received a notice and a $10 fine from our Association last year for having “unlevel hedges.” :confused:

WTF?

So we busted out the tree trimmer and went completely farking Leatherface on the poor shrub. It looked like absolute asbestos-soaked hell after we were finished with it, but we figured, no problem. We’ll just let it grow back, and then go completely farking Leatherface on it again when it’s time.

We received another notice and another $10 fine a few weeks later. The reason cited was “improper lawn care (hedges).”

So now I’m being cited because you don’t like my trim job, after you TOLD me to clean it up?

So we did what any red-blooded American would do, which is be generally pissed off, pay the $20, and vow to always hire migrant workers to handle our lawnwork from that moment forward.

Stupid Association. Grrrr.

5

You know, if they send somebody to fix them for you, you’ll be billed for it, so you should do it yourself first.
You could get some landscaping timbers from Home Depot and build a flowerbed type of thing around your bushes and just lay in some mulch if you’re not into flowers. The timbers and mulch will make it look neater and more finshed off, which is probably what the HOA is looking for.
Or you could just get some edging (small fencing) for flowerbeds, and still do the mulch.

6

Asshats is MY word. I introduced it to the SDMB!!! (Although I got it from the Smile and Act Nice Boards).

Give me some credit, please???
:mad:

7

Cite?

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

8

Our HOA has just done their initial property inspection. I was cited for “noxious vegetation” - there were some weeds in the gravel next to my driveway. But between the time they inspected and I got the notification, I’d already gotten rid of the weeds.

They also commented that there were weeds in my lawn and while I’m not in violation yet, I need to plan to do something in the spring.

Um, this is Florida. Weeds are everywhere! The sod the builder put down was full of weeds - it was more weed than grass. We tore it up and (we thought) cleared all the weed roots, then we reseeded. There are still weeds. However, they are green and cut short - just like our grass. Our yard doesn’t look like a putting green, but it doesn’t look like the highway median either.

On top of that, our property backs onto and includes a wetland conservation area. We’re not allowed to do anything back there. Nor are we supposed to do anything that will affect the conservation area. I’m pretty sure that means no chemical runoff. Plus the weeds that grow there spread up toward the front of the house. I intend to attend the next HOA meeting and pose this very question.

I hate this neighborhood. I can’t wait to move. The neighborhood where we own our lot - our future retirement home - has NO HOA, and no one there wants one. I can’t wait to move! Did I mention I can’t wait to move??

9

Simple question. Why can’t you just say “fuck you” to the HOA? (I never lived anywhere there’s a HOA and don’t intend to start.)

10

asterion, in my neighborhood, everyone who moves here is bound by the HOA - and by law, we were provided with the covenants before the purchase contract was finalized. There are a couple of people here who have declared they aren’t bound by it, but the HOA can and will put a lien on their property and they can’t sell it till they’ve paid all dues, late fees, and fines. It’s perfectly legal.

We knew what the rules were before we bought. What we didn’t know, tho, was how nit-picky the board would be. And it’s not like this is a high-end community - the houses run $100K-$140K. We have no community facilities. The dues are for the upkeep of the retention pond and the entry sign/plantings, as well as the poorly written newsletter.

I can’t wait to move…

11

Because when you buy a house in an HOA-run neighborhood, you agree to abide by their rules. It’s usually written as a covenent in the deed.

Unfortunately, the constitutional rules that our politicians have to abide by (well, at least give lip service to) does NOT extend to HOAs. In other words, if the HOA says that it will be run like a dictatorship, in which vacancies will be filled by a vote of the board itself (thus keeping the board packed with their good buddies) there’s not a dam thing you can do about it. HOAs are considered to be private associations, not governments.

Bad Boys, don’t ignore the notice. See if there’s an appeals mechanism in the by-laws. Else someone will come by, do your landscaping and hit you with the bill. Take action first, if you can.

pesch
(who is grateful he doesn’t have to wear asshats)

12

Could someone explain to me WHY people buy SFD’s subject to HOA’s?

Aren’t there any REAL houses in the area? Or do you figure that the little pricks will only bother the Bad People[sup]TM[/sup], not you?

p.s. - why does your community need a sign with little flowers around it? Why pay for “community” facilities you will never use?

(heathen, whose neighbors consider him a “bad influence”, though not a Bad Person[sup]TM[/sup])

13

I live in a community where we homeowners have apparently agreed to not park our cars on the street in front of our houses. The CC&Rs are sufficiently thick, that it’s usually a surprise to the homeowner when they find out about it.

Or to allow our guests to do the same - it’s driveway or garage only (not yard, either, of course).

One or two neighbors on a different street have been fined for people they didn’t know parking in front of their houses - as far as I know once this was explained they didn’t have to pay.

Further explanation: our streets are not narrow; apparently this was a regulation thought up by the then “builder’s” association in order to keep the community more sale-able looking. And there’s no town ordinance against it, so the police can’t ticket or tow street-parked (non-abandoned) cars.

Now that the association has moved into elected owner control, perhaps this rule will be changed. It’s not popular.

AmbushBug
sub If needed, my guests or I shall park in front of the neighbors’ houses. It’s not in the CC&Rs: just not in front of my own house.[/sub]

14

First of all, I don’t know that your husband would like to be called “Mr. I_Dig_Bad_Boys”. :stuck_out_tongue:

Second, nearby Frisco? We could live in the same damn neighborhood (West Allen here), although Mrs. S and I haven’t had any trouble with our HOA yet. They’ve never contacted us about anything (except to extract the rediculous $150 biannual fee), and we’ve only had to talk to them once, when some jagoff kept putting notes on my car telling me to “PLEASE PARK IN REAR”.

As far as I can tell, the HOA dues go toward maintaining the pool and nothing else. We’ll have to go by there one of these days to get our money’s worth.

15

My big rant where I live, a townhouse complex, is that we are not allowed to have satellite dishes mounted on our roofs. This means I can’t subscribe to the Dish Network or DirecTV, which I would like to get. I do have digital cable, however, which offers a decent channel selection, but it costs more per month than what a satellite dish would cost. The association probably wrote up this stupid policy 20 years ago when satellite dishes were six feet in diameter. With today’s dishes being so small and colored to blend in with most rooftops, I can’t see why it would be a problem to have one now.

16

I already ranted in another thread about my condo association. They are absolute morons.
SFD associations seem to be the “big thing” lately. Every new development is an association based thing. Dammit, if I want my house turqoise with lavender trim, who are they to tell me I must pick from ecru, beige, tan, or (going wild here–) pale tanish yellow?
I don’t get it. You pay a buttload of green for a house, but then you are limited in what you can do with it? No way.

17

Our HOA was absolutely out of control for a while. One of the problems is that it attracted people who got off on their sense of power. They used their position to harass people they didn’t like and actually drove one family out of the community. Yet they violated the covenants with impunity (more on this later).

So I decide to build a fence in my backyard and submit plans that are approved by the HOA. My lot was not graded well by the builder so we have a lot of runoff going through my yard. I build the fence and use concrete in the fence posts just to make it more secure.

The runoff gradually makes the cement visible and there is a slight list to part of the fence, but it still looks better than the builder’s fences. However, my wife had an earlier run-in with the head of the covenants committee so he has the HOA Board send a letter telling us that if we don’t tear down and rebuild our fence they will tear it down and charge us the cost of tearing it down.

Now, the board members violate covenants at will so my wife went around and photographed any visible violations by the board members. I then wrote a letter threatening legal action against them as a board and as individuals if they touched my fence. One of the boardmembers ran the letter past her attorney who told her that she was in big trouble if I decided to sue. She told the other boardmembers and they quickly backed down.

Now our HOA is under control. They can be a little nitpicky, but nothing like before.

18

This just reinforces one of my rules in life.

Never live anywhere with a HOA, or if I do, make sure I’m scary enough to intimidate them.

Hopefully the intimidation thing involves lots of loud sex in the hottub during dinner time and several good lawyers who enjoy crushing the spirits of others on retainer.

The above desire is in no way related to wanting lots of loud sex and have powerful lawyers at my beck and call. – Note except in specific circumstances I will not be having sex WITH the lawyers.

19

Ridgeview Ranch and Custer in the hizzzouse over here!
:cool:

20

In the small-minded suburb of Omaha I live in the political system is overrun with people who run government like a HOA.

These people have hired a boneheaded ex-MP from the airbase to serve as “code enforcement officer”. We simply refer to him as the Weed Nazi.

The city code clearly states that one’s lawn must be kept shorter than 12", but this guy cruises around in his shiny new pickup ticketing all who aren’t on the same mowing schedule as the rest of his/her neighbors;regardless of lawn length (he doesn’t carry a ruler, yardstick or tape measure–it’s all strictly his dubious judgement call).

When I received a 5-day notice about my property and couldn’t find a single blade of grass longer than 8", he stated that “It’ll be a foot long in 5 days anyway.” This is NOT what the ordinance states; the lawn has to be 12’’ or longer on the day it is inspected, not “gonna be 12” in 5 days," in the opinion of a moron who hasn’t spent a day in a horticulture class in his life.

This asshat and I had it out over the goldenrod in my back yard.
He called it “sneezeweed” and said it had to go. I pointed out that it is the State Flower.

Another bone of contention is when to make the first mowing of the spring.

My neighbors have all been indoctrinated into the Cult of Toro and Scott and scalp their lawns all sping while dumping bags and bags of expensive crap on them to make them grow faster so they can be scalped more often. I prefer not to mow mine until it’s gone to seed in mid-May-- if I’m not turned-in to the Weed Nazi before then.

I don’t mow any oftener than every 2 weeks throughout the rest of the growing season. The Lawn Cult, whose grass looks no better for all their over-attention than mine, mows at least weekly.
I think that some jealous twit, seeing me load up the Caravan for camping trips while he stays home chained to his mower, sprinkler, and drop spreader, turns me in to the Nazi whenever my “laziness” gets to him.

Complaining about the Weed Nazi’s high-handedness gets me nowhere. Every City Councilman I have approached on this subject seems to be in the Lawn Cult.

My wife and I spent most of this summer and fall having her non-Hodgkins lymphoma diagnosed and treated. In my last encounter
with Weed Nazi, I pointed out that whenever my days off were not spent getting her chemo, blood tests, CAT scans, dealing with fevers brought on by her compromised immune system, etc., our priority was fun, not yard work. He couldn’t have looked more aghast if I’d told him I had children’s organs in my deepfreeze. He really does need to get a life.

BTW, one of the likely lawn-care snitches has kids who play in the street despite a nice city park in the neighborhood. I fully sympathize with Chastain.