InspiroBot inspires me to laugh my bot off

InspiroBot is, as its home page puts it, “an artificial intelligence dedicated to generating unlimited amounts of unique inspirational quotes for endless enrichment of pointless human existence.” Very unique inspirational quotes. Imagine someone takes all those generic-sunrise-photo “Believe in you!” posters and puts them in a blender with Chicken Soup For the Soul, then uses a robotic algorithm to put the pieces back together (“Make yesterday your rival!”).

There was an article about the Bot in this year’s Bathroom Reader, so I headed over to check it out for myself. I was not disappointed. My very first try generated “Bend over with your buttocks inwards as much as possible”, which I think we can all agree is a principle to live by.

Other timely words of wisdom:

“Change doesn’t exist.”

“If you are not enjoying a dangerous cult you might just be psychotic.”

“Only when you learn to face other people’s monsters, will you be face to face with a girlfriend.”

“Mainstream parents slave. Better parents annoy.”

“If you are not afraid of alliances you are underestimating what alliances actually means.”

“Have sex with millionaires.”

“You are capable of making it so that some guy gets confused.”
Yes! I knew I could confuse someone if I tried hard enough.

“You can be the first man to listen to things that nobody has even thought to listen to.”
Over a photo of a marijuana leaf.

“Prolonging light grows prolongingly.”
For some reason I kind of like this one.

“You can make it so that somebody comes at work”


“Ensure that a random person gets torn apart by demons.”


Reminds me of the Random Deepak Chopra Generator:

Thanks for this M, I, S. I’ve some people on my Facebook feed who are constantly posting glurgy "inspirational’ bollocks. Let’s see what they make of these.

Don’t ignore the messages from the bot after each new inspiration
(“Your aunt will love that one.”)

“Behind every inspired psycho there’s an inspired whore.”

I think I saw that movie.

“Respected is a husband who is known for his brain, for he also disguises his oxen.”

Pic of Typewriter on desk: “There is a correlation between playfulness and addiction.” I wonder why Earnest Hemingway pops into my head…

M,I,S, Thanks for sharing, this is great!

Okay, on my sixth stab at the generate button I appear to have accidentally gotten something a little more on point than I would like:

“Online trolls all over the world! Join forces in order to prevent love!”

“Dream about drug abuse.”

Mmm, sweet sweet drug abuse.

“Respected is he who gives his slave to his chin.”

I think I know now why I get no respect, I just don’t understand the process at all.

“You are a dead man. Don’t you ever forget it”

Point made InspiroBot, I’ll be leaving now.

My first three actually make some sense.

'Isn’t it kind of obvious that our souls are our souls because we like to think of them that way?"

“Chained today wed tomorrow.”

"Procrastinations are just strangers of solitude.’

“Depression can become a tunnel. Unexpected.”

“Generous is the man who knows his life.
More generous is the man who knows his breasts.”

‘“Masseuse” is just a fine title for “grave-digger”.’

“Brain surgery is the finer side of butt sex.”

Play with the Ouija board. You won’t regret it.” Nice try, ghost-posessing-Inspirobot, I’m not falling for it.

“Only through the transgression of containment can one find intoxication.”

So, don’t puke if you wanna get drunk?

“The two things you need in order to get into heaven is a relationship and opium.”

“Looking for something? Eat more bacon.”

“The difference between a bolt of lightning and the world’s greatest lover, is that the world’s greatest lover can be shared by everyone.”

“You are capable of making it so that a certain someone goes bonkers.”

“Romance is always painless.”

“Robbing a convenient store can be not worth it.”

“Any man who is willing to swap wilderness for prison deserves a handjob.”

“Did you know that everyday life is like Medieval torture.”

“Don’t look for love. It’s boring.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of using a condom?”

“«License and registration, please» does not mean «I want to feel the heat with somebody».”

“A taxidermist always has a heart.” - I’d laugh, but it’s a bit sinister.
“Don’t report neighbors while they’re at the loo” - Ok. I can live with that.
“The flat earth does not impact spontaneous combustion.” - hmm…