“Godless heathen!”
I had a difficult time growing up, being taller, smarter, better looking and more athletic than the other children.
“They say no man is an island, but I think you’re the exception.”
You poor thing 
“You’re so quiet!”
I think the appropriate response to that is to just stare at them. 
“You sure are unique.”
Someone once told me that I was prettiest ugliest person they’d ever met.
I’m still trying to figure that one out.
“You just have an answer for everything, don’t you?”
Sorry…I’ll try and be dumber next time.
It’s not hard to have an answer for everything; having a good answer is a little harder. 
Even if they meant that as a compliment, they had big balls saying that to your face.
I have always believed that people secretly like being called snobs. When I’m trying to schmooze certain people, I pretend to ‘insult’ them with that. Works like a charm.
I always take bitch as a compliment.
Actually, I think she said I was the “prettiest ugly person” she’d met. Which is still kinda bad, but not AS bad.
“You’ll be lucky if you can get him to work for you.”
I’ve been called a liberal more than once by folks hurling it as an insult.
Sounds like an ex of mine that said I was the most civilized, intelligent caveman she knew.
I get the black-on-black ones all the time. I don’t talk like a black person (erudite), I don’t act black (I wasn’t aware everyone else was acting). One of my favorites was “You’re the kind of black guy that doesn’t say nigger.” True, but that’s a slur?
Another favorite is a new neighbor (20-something slacker type) saying they had a bottle of wine they couldn’t open. I loaned them a corkcrew and the guy said “Yeah, we saw you moving in and you looked like a guy that would have a corkscrew.” Like a wino? A Frenchman? A sommelier? At the time, I don’t think I’d had ever wine outside a restaurant, and I’m still don’t keep the stuff around; I just had a well-stocked kitchen.
My friends, who overheard him, threw the line out for years. 'Yeah, you look like a guy…"
A graduate school professor once told me “Miss, with those questions you sound like an engineer!”
“Cool, I happen to be one! Now would it be possible to get an answer? The question is ‘what have we learned from this research’.” (Which still remains the worst waste of research resources I’ve seen, all they’d done was set double precision so they got 16 figures rather than the usual 8, on numbers with a 10% error)
“If all your social antennas weren’t broken, you’d see that I love you.” Actually, I’m not sure exactly how it was intended, as my social antennas are all broken. Felt good, though.
Lots of people call me Harry Potter…
(but I think they mean Hermione )
My mother called me “Harvey”, my Dad’s name.
She was truly meaning it to be an insult, but I took it as a supreme compliment. 
Is the bow tie the only thing the man is wearing?