Title says it all. What are some of the insults that have been thrown your way that you enjoyed the most?
My favourites are the ones that make no sense, or make the insulter look like an ass-hat. Two favourites:
Grade two: A little boy said, quite prissily, “Carly rhymes with meanie!” To which I, in all my six-year-old wisdom, replied, “No, it doesn’t. Carly rhymes with snarly.”
Last week, when I posted on another forum how disappointed I was with the Canadians who voted for Lukas Rossi on Rock Star just because he’s Canadian, someone calling themselves “Lord Death” reponded:
“shut the **** up you sore looser!!! canada rules!!! i take it your form out west”
…Now Mr. Carlyjay and I have started using this as a general retort for everything, to our never-ending amusement.
**Mr. Carlyjay: ** Are we out of milk?
Me: Shut the **** up you sore looser i take it your form out west!
Best I can do was directed at a friend, the security gaurd at the Library where I worked.
He said something to an older woman as she left, “Have a nice day, M’am”
She retorted, “What’s it to you, you stupid old fat bast–d?”
Eddie replied, “M’am, I’m not old!”
Mine comes from the last time I TA’ed for a class.
My teaching style is based mostly around amusing myself. To wit, I told lots of jokes that I thought were funny. Evidently my sense of humor is not very similar to that of the average undergrad.
Anyway, after the end of the semester I received my teaching evaluations and they were all generally positive except for one which read in its entirety: “Improve or discontinue sense of humor.”
How can you not love that? Seriously, three years later and thinking about that still makes my day
On a side note, the evaluation from the guy who sat next to the curmudgen just said “Della fucking rocks!” which didn’t hurt my mood either.
One time, an ex and I were fighting over something and he looked at me and said, “SHUT UP! You’re just a raging, materialistic, frost bitch!”
After I left, I started laughing really hard. I mean, what the hell kind of insult is that to just pull out of your ass? He had to have been working on that one for a while.
And now, he and I still laugh about it. Whenever he and I are joking around and he calls me a name, I go, “Well, what else could you expect from a raging, materialistic, frost bitch?”
Two weeks ago I was talking smack with one of my coworkers, and he lost patience with my dominating performance and said “You know, there’s probably a reason that your mom beat you with that whiskey bottle”.
To this day that is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. I’m still laughing about it. Very rarely does a statement hit all the bases quite like that one does. Brilliant.
Mine also involved a drive-by shouting. I was with two of my friends and we were getting out of the car to go to dinner. A car full of guys pass us and yell, “Nerds!” We are, but I’m still wondering how those guys knew.
And no, we weren’t in sci-fi costumes and there wasn’t a pocket protecter to be found.
I’ve always been a nitpicking little bastard when it comes to grammar and syntax etc. One time in college, after correcting somebody for the nth time, one of my friends turned to me and said:
“You know, fachverwirrt, you’re like a dictionary, only an asshole.”
I was outside having a cigarette with a couple of my male friends/co-workers a couple of years back when one of them said of a personal and somewhat suggestive nature about me (I can’t remember the exact insult) The other co-worker responded, “I don’t know, Doug. I don’t know her that well.” Doug’s reply?
“Maybe not, but for a bottle of vodka and a box of Twinkies, I bet you could.”
I was once arguing something to death (I know, you’re shocked) with my sister, when my Dad leaned over and said to me, “If you flap your gums any harder you’re gonna take flight.”
I was pissed at the time but now – it’s funny 'cause it’s true.
Hamish is too tired to think of any of the myriad funny ways he’s insulted me, so I’ll have to go with insults that were unintentionally funny.
Like the time that I was walking down the street at 4 AM after a night on the town, holding hands with my date, me in tight club clothes, him shirtless, buff, and wearing leather pants. And then somebody on the other side of the road yelled, “Fags!”
One time, gf and I were watching television at her parents and I was sitting near the couch and I leaned over…
Her view was blocked, so she decided to yell at me…
**Ms. Small:**Get your fat shoulder out of the way
**Myself:**Well, is it just the shoulder or is the rest of me fat as well?
Of course…fat shoulder and everything considered…I was laughing…
A few weeks ago, my upstairs neighbor verbally attacked me in the parking lot. Among the many things she called me was “white trash”. She called ME, a crusader against the white trash, the anti-whitetrash, if you will, white trash!
It’s ridiculous when you see how I live- few guests, no parties, no drinking, drugs, men going in and out, me going to work every day all day, going to bed early and getting up early, decent car, clean apartment inside and out, normal, polite children. I may be a lot of things, I’ll grant you, but definitely not white trash.
When I told my best friend about it, he replied, “But you don’t even like ranch dressing!”
