Recently overheard:
24 year old guy: I don’t want to get laid. In fact, I’m a virgin.
Snide guy: YOU’RE A VIRGIN? What the fuck is the matter with you?
Guy: I don’t have any children or nasty diseases.
Calamari for you! Do you like it with breaded with lemon or flash fried with sesame oil, chilies and garlic? 
I certainly think so. I treasure that comment to this day, almost 20 years later.
Breaded with lemon! Also, salt-and-pepper squid.
My sister says that to me a lot. Of course I think I’m right, that’s why I said it in the first place. Does she want me to say things I think are wrong?
Strangely, mine seem to be more compliments that could be taken as insults than the other way around. Yes, I’ve been insulted as a liberal, a feminist, a know-it-all, a walking encyclopedia, but those aren’t the fun ones.
I had a student once try to scam his way past making up missing assignments. His approach (“But, Ms. Phouka, you have the power to make this go away!”) had apparently worked with other teachers, but I just nodded and said “you’re right, I do, and I choose not to. Get your work done and turned in.” His friend, tired of the discussion, finally declared. “Dude, it’s Ms. Phouka. She’s not stupid.”
At a job, one of my coworkers seemed to be getting sweet on me, and I was interested until he said, in all seriousness, “phouka, you’re the kind of woman worth compromising for.”
Really? Seriously? In what world is that a compliment?