Today at the grocery store the girl at the register I went to was deaf. When I came up I started to say something, but she pointed to her ear, and indicated she was deaf. I wasn’t sure if she could read lips or not. I didn’t really get that impression, but we were able to communicate through hand signals (not sign language); she picked up the milk, pointed at a bag, raised her eye brows, and I shook my head and motioned “no”. It worked just fine.
Going off what I remember from my sign language classes in the first grade (which is just the alphabet), I decided that I would spell out “I only know the alphabet”. That still takes a decent amount of time, and I’m not sure if it was clear what I was doing, though she cut me off as I started to spell “alphabet”. For someone that is deaf, or has a better understanding than me of the deaf community, would what I was doing have made any sense? I know that people are individuals, but in general, would my attempt to spell it out have been insulting?
I’m not sure if it’s totally relevant, but she was pretty. I don’t have any control group for the study to know if I would have done the same thing with any deaf person, or if it was just my dumb guy brain kicking in at the moment telling me it would be a good idea to spell out every word I would say to her.
Another maybe irrelevant note: I’m in a wheelchair, and think it’s kind of funny (though understandable) when people can be hesitant around me because of it. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from second guessing myself, or not being sure what to do if I’m around someone with a different disability. (For example, I get kind of embarrassed, and feel awkward when people try to “come down to my level”, and kneel to talk to me. I understand why they do it, but it really isn’t necessary for me.)
Also, in the time it took to write (and for you to read) this, is probably longer than my total interaction with her.
When we were at Disney World my wife’s knee was so bad that she finally had to resort to a wheelchair. We’d get to the head of the line and the attendants kept asking me, “Can she get into the ride on her own?”
My wife constantly had to tell them, “I’m NOT DEAF!”
I had the reverse experience of the OP. I was the cashier and a deaf person wanted to buy something behind the counter.
At first we tried to work things out with her pointing to the item’s general location. That didn’t work because I did not figure out she was deaf (I just though she couldn’t talk), so I kept asking her what she wanted. Eventually I gave her a paper and pad and all was sorted out.
My sister was a Deaf cashier for years, the store actually had signs made up so whe could ask if you had a loyalty card, etc.
She also wore a button explaining she was Deaf cashier.
I have always found they are happy when you try to communicate…at least you are making the effort…
:eek: I’m paraplegic - if there is a chair handy I see no problem with someone sitting in it to get to “my level”, but I would consider kneeling down to be condescending, on a par with patting me on the shoulder to make me “feel better”. Just back up a step or two and neither of us will strain our necks talking to each other.
I don’t think any deaf person would be insulted to have you tell them “I know some sign”, it makes it much easier to communicate. You could also ask if she can read lips, many deaf and hard of hearing people can. Just don’t use wildly exaggerated enunciation (makes it seem like you’re talking to a mentally challenged person), that’s kinda insulting. Try to enunciate well and maybe slightly slower than you would normally talk, and you’ll be fine.
Don’t be afraid to ask people with disabilities what works for them, everyone is different. I am hard of hearing myself (50% loss in one ear and 80% in the other), and I’d rather someone ask me how to best communicate with me than assuming screaming at the top of their lungs or speaking verrrryyy slowly is the way to make themselves understood (it isn’t).
I’m all in favor of disabled people having the same opportunities as everyone else. But . . .
Last week I had to call my credit card company to activate my new card. The guy I was connected to had an extremely severe stutter. He succeeded in activating my card, but then he was obligated to give me the entire spiel of all the other services I have no use for. I realize they have to do this, so normally I jut listen to the whole thing, then say no thanks, and hang up. But this guy was communicating at a snail’s pace, and I really couldn’t understand much of what he said, and I really did have other things to do. So I finally said, “Thank you for your help, but I really have to go now,” and hung up.
Then of course I felt bad. And then I felt ambivalent about feeling bad. And then I felt bad about feeling ambivalent.
Hi, Dignan! My wife and three of my kids are deaf. We use sign language at home as our primary form of communication.
Deaf people are all individuals, so YMMV. But your attempt to communicate would be taken quite well by any nice deaf person. I think any attempt for people who don’t understand each other to get past it is worthwhile. Of course, you may meet a real butthead now and again, but that’s life.
Fingerspelling whole sentences is fine when that’s all you know; we have some family members and friends who do only that.
Not every deaf person can read lips, nor can every person’s lips be read. (I tend to be a mumbler, and few people can lip read me.)
Now, since she’s cute, go do what all the guys who meet my deaf teen-age daughters do: learn some sign language, go back to the store and ask her out. (I’m convinced there must be like a deaf/hotness gene, because there are some smoking deaf babes out there. And, IMHO, Kerrwoman is one of them.) Of course, with my daughters, the answer is usually “No.”
I’d like to know where deaf cashiers are employed. I’ve never met one or heard about one. Are you in the DC area?
I’m acquainted with a Deaf employee at our local Walmart, because they always seem to force her on cashier duty when it’s the worst possible time (hideous holiday shopping nights, for example). Fortunately, I know some sign language, and my 8-year-old son is quite fluent, as he doesn’t talk (autism). She knows us by now, so she’ll sign to any of us without hesitation. If I don’t know the sign I need, I’ll finger spell it, or ask my son to sign. My two younger sons are pretty good, too, so they’ll chat away with her. She just writes little notes on a notepad to most other customers, I’ve noticed.
And my best friend of a few decades uses a wheelchair, so I learned years ago not to lean on his chair, or squat down to talk to him, or (forgive me) hang my purse on his chair. He’s a bull-headed sort, so rarely even lets me hold a door for him, but I can’t count the times people would talk to me about him as if he weren’t there. (“What would he like to drink?” “I don’t know, ask him!”) That annoys me, so I can only imagine how it must infuriate him.
kunilou, that happens to me sometimes. I think it’s partly motivated by people being unsure if there are other things going on, and not wanting to seem insensitive if the person in the wheelchair can’t communicate for themselves. They just aren’t thinking.
Lakai and Poysyn, there wasn’t any sort of indication that she was deaf at the register (not that I noticed, anyway). The transaction went through pretty fast, so I didn’t have much time to take in the details. She explained she was deaf, and we were able to communicate enough to get everything done quickly and correctly.
Canadjun, sitting down is different than kneeling, and I don’t have a problem with that. I usually only run into the strained neck issue with my friends that are over 6’4. Since most people aren’t that tall, it usually isn’t an issue for me.
Apocalypso, Joe Kerrman, and MissGypsy, I know individual cases will be different, but it was good to hear some positive responses to my making an effort to sign. I didn’t know if that was something deaf people run into a lot, where they would get tired of it.
I was actually taught in my sign language class from day one to fingerspell if you don’t know the word. I’ve even seen professionals do it.
I just wish I’d stuck with it. But I find learning languages from classes to be quite difficult, as I tend to do badly at rote memorization.
Now, with the wheelchair thing, I think you are discussing a different phenomenon, as the action of kneeling to talk to someone is considered condescending, even to healthy people. I think it goes back to having to kneel before royalty. Doing it to nonroyalty seems to have the same connotation of sarcastically calling someone “princess.”
I have a close friend in a wheelchair, with whom I’ve travelled extensively. It is glaringly obvious from even the most casual glance that she has never walked and will never walk from the shape of her feet and legs. My favorite interaction:
Airport person, to me: “Can she walk at all?”
Me: :dubious:
Friend: “Hello! Do I look like I can walk?”
(Another time the airport merely failed to consider the question at all, forcing me to carry her 110 pounds from the tarmac up the steps to an already-boarded full 747. Thanks, Thai Airways. We didn’t even get an apology.)
On another note, my partner is half-deaf, and it took me years to really and truly understand that this is a genuine disability. The biggest part of it, interestingly, is that without stereo hearing he has more trouble locating the direction a sound is coming from. No aural depth perception. It doesn’t sound like a very big deal but in all sorts of little ways it makes everyday life more difficult. It also makes it more difficult for him to concentrate in group conversation or places with a lot of background noise.
But if there isn’t enough room (narrow hallway for example), I’d be more comfortable down on one knee or crouching than standing too close to you I would be doing it for completely selfish reasons (avoiding a crick in my neck), not because I’d expect to be making you uncomfortable by “forcing you to look up” You see, having to look up at someone standing when I happen to be sitting doesn’t bother me; I’ve learned to recognize people who are bothered by it but you evidently wouldn’t be one.
Guess if I ever do that I’ll explain the crick on the neck thing.
If we were forced to be that “up close and personal” I like to think that I would be more accepting (I phrase it that way because I tend not to think about my reactions in the heat of the moment). I was more referring to kneeling for no good reason.
I love sign language. It’s beautiful. Then again, I also like watching people type (my keyboard is diagonally set to the window and I can see my reflection as I type. I find myself watching my hands more than I look a the computer.)
Anyway, I love watching sign language. I’d love to learn it. Like a lot of people, I had the opportunity to learn the alphabet when I was in elementary school but I never got farther than that.
I’d like to know a good way to learn. I’ve tried getting books from the library but I have a hard time following the pictures. I don’t have a car or much disposable income so taking a class at the local community college is also out.
Is there another way to learn? Does Rosetta Stone have a program for ASL?
And, a stupid question (maybe).
My mother is legally blind and uses a white cane, which is (or should be) a clear signal of her disability.
Yet more than once she’s gone into a store and found an employee (she has low vision, so she can tell generally if there’s a person-sized shape in front of her) and asked, “Where is thus-and-so?”
“Aisle 7.”
My mom will just stand there a moment, holding her white cane conspicuously aloft, before giving up and explaining that unless the aisles have voice announcements as you enter them, she has no way to find aisle 7.
I had a deaf roommate for several months. I could understand very little of the sign language and we usually communicated using charades and a dry-erase board in the kitchen that was stuck to the fridge. It was a pretty good situation, all in all.
I don’t think what you did was condescending, any more than trying to communicate in the bits and pieces of a foreign language you know. You’re just trying to help, I think that’s obvious.
Sort of. ASL is understood to a greater or lesser degree in many countries, but (1) it’s not easy to predict them by the spoken language, and (2) there are regional “accents” (if you will) even within countries. So ASL is no good in Britain, but intelligible in France. Wikipedia has the basics: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Sign_Language
As far as where to start learning, I’d look for videos online. There are different writing systems for the language, but it is still primarily an unwritten language and the best way to learn is with your eyes. Once you have a small vocabulary it might be easier to go on to other methods. I don’t know about Rosetta, but I don’t really like their style for teaching spoken languages so I’m the wrong person to ask anyway.
I would be doing it for completely selfish reasons (avoiding a crick in my neck), not because I’d expect to be making you uncomfortable by “forcing you to look up” You see, having to look up at someone standing when I happen to be sitting doesn’t bother me; I’ve learned to recognize people who are bothered by it but you evidently wouldn’t be one.