You’re interpreting the “average lifespan” the wrong way. The average was brought down by the child mortality, which was much higher than it is today. It does not mean that the average woman was actually dying at 48.
Edit - someone else already covered this.:smack:
As usual when it comes to these subjects, you are right on the money. And it’s because of this that I feel society really needs to revise its expectations regarding wealthy/powerful men and monogamy. A woman who marries a man because she’s attracted to his wealth and social status should not expect this man to be monogamous with her. I don’t even use the term “faithful” because it’s a ridiculous and loaded term. Sex and relationships are not a religion. Anyway, what people need to realize is that a rich, powerful and high-status man is going to have way too many options (potential female sexual partners) for him to be keen on the idea of confining himself to one woman’s body for the rest of his life.
It’s like, imagine you have a personal chef who makes you the same dish every single day, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and you have to eat that same thing and are not allowed to eat anything else, ever. Even if this chef is the best chef on earth and even if the dish he makes is the best-tasting incarnation of the dish that has ever existed, you are going to want to eat other foods, even if it’s just a McDonalds. I use this metaphor because people always say (about some famous man and his affair) “why would you go out for a hamburger when you have prime rib at home”? Well, think about it for a minute and you’ll understand why.
Sure, there are rich/famous/successful men who settle down with one woman for all eternity (usually after a decade or so of playing the field, and getting it out of their system.) But, for many of them, it’s totally impossible for them to resist the constant parade of pussy that’s voluntarily serving itself up, and women marrying these men should not expect them to if they are living the jet-set, high-class lifestyle on his dime.
I know plenty of rich guys who got married, settled down and are perfectly happy. From what I’ve seen, it’s the combination of emotionally damaged guys with something to prove and a little bit of disposable income that leads to the sort of behavior you describe. Those guys tend to look for women where there is a large income disparity because it becomes a source of power for them.
You could say the same about any attractive woman who regularly has guys hitting on her and undressing her with their eyes. Except no one says this. Consider that this is due to sexist double standards.
Guys aren’t discouraged from seeking beautiful women. Why not? Because women–regardless of how many suitors they can pull–are always expected to be faithful. If a beautiful woman exploits her attractiveness to get action on the side, she promptly gets called bad names. At the same time women are told to their lower standards when it comes to men. Not because they’re unreasonable (monomagy is quite doable), but because our expectations for men are in the dirt.
Society gives affluent men a pass when it comes to infidelity. It’s actually so expected that when they do cheat, blame gives assigned to the woman for being the stupid, trusting one. So duh, you’re going to have men taking advantage of that. Telling women to stop prefering accomplished men over less-accomplished ones ain’t gonna work. It’s about as realistic as telling men to prefer plain or ugly women over pretty ones.
From my vantage point, we focus on women’s behavior way too much. Even when we’re talking about the failings of men (cheating), the issue is framed as something women need to accomodate or expect. At what point should we put pressure on men to become better, more attractive mates?
Or, not that she was the stupid trusting one, but that she may have: not had sex with him enough, not had the right kind of sex with him enough, or physically let herself go. These are all common memes I hear when the discussion of a woman being cheated on comes up.
It’s funny, right?
Women: “Hmmm. I’m financially secure, have emotional support from good friends, have sex with attractive people whenever I feel like it, and don’t have many reasons, statistically, to believe that a husband offers much financial stability or help around the house…I’m not seeing much value added here. Why should I get married again, beyond maybe meeting a guy so spectacular (who is likely to be roughly as attractive and successful as I am) that I can’t imagine not marrying him?”
Men:“You’re going to die alone! You are a spoiled princess! You are going to destroy your children’s lives! What’s a woman even know about the difference between a professor and a plumber, anyway? Since when did we have to shave and work out to get a girl? Waaagghahhahahahahah you guys OWE us marriage on OUR terms whhhhhhy should the rules chaaaaaaaange?!?!”
From my vantage point as a man, I hear men’s behavior as the focal point. Women’s cheating gets romanticized in fiction (ex. The Bridges of Madison County), but men’s is always vilified. When the Tiger Woods scandal broke, I didn’t hear anyone excusing his behavior, or blaming Elin. My point is it’s all about vantage point. We tend to remember the insults and forget the compliments.
People seek their own level, but need to have realistic expectations, it’s always the cheater’s fault for cheating, etc.
Really? I remember reading all kinds of blogs and seeing discussions on TV about what she could have done to make him do this. Reports of her being frosty, etc. etc.
Sure, ultimately, society saw him as a scumbag, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t scumbag apologists.
The man has a point. Depictions of women cheating, or leaving their husbands and families for reasons of self-actualization, and being depicted positively for doing so, are relatively common in modern media. Men are more likely to be portrayed as selfish dirty old men if they cheat or leave wives and family to find true happiness.
Consider the overwhelming popularity of Eat, Pray, Love as both book and film. Is it even imaginable with the gender of the protagonist switched to male?
If ultimately society saw him as a scumbag, then it’s probably a safe assumption that the people calling him a scumbag overwhelmed the number of apologists. You, as a woman, probably felt disbelief, or you were being blamed(again) etc. therefore you remembered them more. I, as a man, didn’t feel those things, so I forgot about them. As I just said, people remember the insults, different vantage point, etc.
My only problem with this expression is that “you should have realistic expectations” often seems shorthand for “settle for someone that you don’t really want because that’s a better option than staying single”.
If every guy in the world suddenly became an overweight, video-gaming couch animal, it would be unrealistic to expect to find a smart, fit man with a well-paying job who would also be attracted to me. But that doesn’t mean this “unrealistic expectation” is wrong. It might be unrealistic, but just saying that doesn’t mean I should be opening my heart up to the sofa hobbit next door.
So rather than telling people to have realistic expectations, I’m more inclined to tell them that it’s okay to be single. “Realistic expectations” doesn’t ensure quality mates; they just keep your standards low enough that you don’t have to worry about being alone.
They are common, but women don’t always get a free pass. See Rimes, LeAnn. Julia Roberts took a PR hit for dating the married Daniel Moder while she was still involved with Benjamin Bratt.
(And the woman in Eat, Pray, Love was a selfish bitch. She had friends?! She was the second coming of Lucy Steele)
With regard to movie depictions, Hollywood is notorious for portraying reality in a manner that is the polar opposite of the truth.
The beloved dumb husband schtick, for instance. In reality, how many of us have observed when there is a noticeable difference in intelligence, it is the man that is smarter than the woman, not the other way around. Hollywood would have you believe every couple looks like Jeff Apatow movie, with hot babes paired up with loser man-children. We know this isn’t the case in reality, but the notion entertains us just the same. Because it’s not reality.
Another Hollywood trope is the “a woman who cheats always does so for a good reason”. The reason why we see this shit so often is because it’s fantasy. In reality, women who cheat are branded cunts, sluts, and bitches, while “it’s unreasonable to expect a man resist all the pussy” sentiment allows men a certain amount of leeway.
Clinton cheated on his wife in the White House, but all anyone remembers is him lying about it, not the infidelity itself. Do yall really think any First Lady (or female president, for that matter) could get away with that? Ha. I don’t.
Do you all really see men as either hunky well-to-do guys and guys living in their parents basement and working in the sub shop?
How about a guy who isn’t a slob but isn’t Adonis and who has a good job with chances to make it better but doesn’t have a really well-paying one? Is that settling? There is only one George Clooney out there, after all (or pick someone more age appropriate.) Maybe just maybe it is possible to be attracted to someone without measuring their abs and their bank balance? (And this goes the other way also, of course.) Doesn’t attraction and personality count any more? Similar interests?
It is very possible Eleanor Roosevelt did. Cite. Of course Franklin did it first.
It’s Judd Apatow. And people say that all the time on this board - that exact Apatow comparison in regard to this male/female pairing. But really, the only movie of his that’s true of is Knocked Up. And even in that movie, it is not presented as a conventional pairing but rather a very unlikely one, with Rogen’s character himself commenting on how disparate they are in looks, and Katherine Hagel’s character’s sister mocking her overweight, slovenly husband.
40 Year Old Virgin is about an eccentric, dorky over-aged virgin and a middle-aged woman with three kids and one grandchild. And Steve Carell’s character isn’t a “loser man-child” anyway, he’s actually pretty successful and likeable, just clueless about sex.
Superbad is about awkward teenage guys lusting after girls but not getting any action.
Ha! That’s a hell of a warped interpretation you got going there.
From this man’s perspective, I don’t care if you want to be single and stay single. But I’m not retarded enough to believe that women who have had a string of long term relationships, or systematically dated online really want to be single. People who really want to be single, stay single. Trying to achieve something, not succeeding, and then declaring that you really didn’t want it to begin with is the oldest self-justification in the world. No one is buying it. Except, of course, the other people in the midst of this self-justification, as it makes them feel better.
This is your bias showing. Among real life couples with an intelligence disparity, I haven’t noticed a pattern one way or the other.
No I don’t, but look at the context in which the “you should have realistic expectations” arose. The prevailing assumption in this thread appears to be that women (in the OP’s article) are single because they’re pining after men with 6-figure incomes and penthouse condos, like the stuff we see on TV. I think it’s much more likely that women are pining after men who are their intellectual and financial peers. There’s nothing unreasonable about that, even if it is a little unrealistic for all of them to get that.
It’s a lot of easier to rant and rave about women and their supposedly impossible standards when we go out of our way to exaggerate them.
Do you know many women who would turn this kind of guy down if he’s a decent conversationalist, has interests other than football, and other good traits in his favor? Because I don’t think this guy will have any problems attracting a mate.
This goes to the point I made earlier in this thread: women no longer value men for just showing up and having a job. Since women make their own money now, they want more than that. To be considered a “good catch” men be more than just providers. In the past, this wasn’t the case because women needed a provider to survive.
Yes! All this talk about money is missing the issue by a mile because folks would rather continue the time-old complaint about golddiggers.
I might be biased but I have a SDMB thread to support my assertion; you don’t.