HDS, Sam’ll kill you if you try anything.
OGG SMASH!
Yes, we’ve all heard of the bigwigs in Middle Earth and their occupations… Cirdan the Shipwright. Elrond Lord of Rivendell. Gandalf the Wizard. Less known, but not less important, are the following…
Bergen the Orc Scraper - a maintenance position. Born in Minas Tirith, this man cleans up the orc and goblin remains after battles. Especially adept at removing those really tough stains from the battlements.
Ulrich the Dwarf Tosser - more of a hobby than a job, really. Sadly, Ulrich died when he accidentally fell on a dwarven battle-axe. At least according to the reports from the Lonely Mountain, where he was visiting at the time.
Akbar the Mumak Bather - Never adept with weaponry, this Haradrim found his calling in the grooming industry. He frequently travels with the Harad armies and keeps their beasts pretty and nice-smelling.
Gronkkuul the Whipping Boy - An orc in Barad-Dur very highly placed near Sauron himself, Gronkkuul is a professional in the abuse industry. His job is to be beaten within an inch of death whenever the Dark Lord gets pissed.
Orc Platoon Leader - Command 30 or so dimwitted globs of dirt into impending doom! Meet interesting people and eat them!
Mumak Driver - Get a high up position and look fabulous doing it. Make-up artist always on hand whether your killing men or going out on the town! Gorgeous cloaks and peircings a given perk.
I feel a little sorry for the Orc torch-runner at the Battle of Helm’s Deep in TTT. I wonder if he even knew what he was doing…
You know, it is possible that, like Stuka pilots and certain African spearmen, that the Mumakil riders were hopped up on drugs to give them courage. Might explain the look in their eyes.
I’m guessiing it was the local equivalent of Dramamine*. I mean, those howdahs must’ve been swaying a couple furlongs on each side, and I know that I would’ve been tossing my cookies before the Mumak went a hectare.
*WARNING: This product contains antihistamines. Avoid alcoholic potions while taking this product. Do not take this product if you are taking sedatives or tranquilizers, without first consulting your shaman. Use caution when driving a Mumak or operating siege engines.
yeah, it’s things like that that make it quite clear that Middle Earth was quite in need of an OSHA.
My friend cracked a joke at one point. It was when the Elves are processing away from Rivendale (that’s their homeland, right?), Arwen sees a vision to her right and goes back to see Agent Smith. There’s aone guy who says to her, “My lady, we must not stop.” And then away Arwen rides.
“Aw, that was my only job! They’re gonna have my legs broke.”
.ogg SMASH!
LJ geek!
Rivendell is where Elrond (an Elven Ringbearer who certainly looks like that chappie in the Matrix) lives.
There are also Elf strongholds in Lorien (Ringbearer Galadriel) and in Mirkwood.
But the true Elf homeland is the Undying Lands, west of Middle Earth. That’s where they all lived until evil Morgoth nicked their Silmarillion jewels, and Feanor led a bunch of Elves to recover the jewels.
And the Elves that can are indeed returning to the West throughout LotR.
He also happens to be a shipwright, i.e., one who builds and/or repairs ships.
That must be somewhere between Rivendell and Riverdale. I’m picturing Veronica as Arwen, pleading with her rich daddy to let Archie have the sword, while Jughead and Moose struggle toward Mt. Doom.
And of course the Grey Havens, overseen by Cirdan in between building and repairing boats – quite the busy elf, him.
All I could think about is that the Mumak riders must have watched “The Road Warrior” about a hundred times before their scenes- they all seemed to be channeling that Wez character. (luckily not butt-out chaps in ROTK though!)
Nitpick 
When the race of Elves awoke in the land in the beginning, they awoke in the realms of Middle-Earth. They grew up in the twilight of this land and loved the stars. The Valar came to them and offered to take them to the blessed lands(even further west than the undying lands). Some chose to go and some chose to stay. The “High Elves”(Elrond, Galadriel, Celeborn, Cirdan and their households notably) are descendants of those who chose to go to the undying lands and behold the light of the two trees. Likewise, when the Elves who were willing to try to make the journey to the blessed realm arrived on the shores of the undying lands, some decided that the undying lands were good enough for them and ended their journey there. A fourth group of Elves started out for the Valinor, but didn’t even make it as far as the undying lands. They stopped off in an area north-west of the area where the war of the rings is set. So now we’ve got four full populations of Elves. Some who go on all the way to Valinor(the blessed realm) with the Valar. Some who stop off on the journey and hang out in Beleriand(within sight of the undying lands). Some who decide that Beleriand(within sight of the shores of the undying lands) isn’t quite good enough but still don’t make it all the way to the trees, and live on the eastern shores of the undying lands. Then there are the ones who never went west at all. There were still native Elves from Middle-Earth, of which I believe the Elves of Mirkwood were the most notable remnant. I know the Elves of Mirkwood never left Middle-Earth, but I don’t recall if they were just very early deserters from the great journey or if they refused to make it at all.
In any case, upon the return of some of the other Elves from the blessed realm/undying lands, chasing the Silmarils or trying to escape the ruin of most of Beleriand, they may have blended with the Elves of Mirkwood so there aren’t very many Elves who were full-blood natives of the area of Middle-Earth that is the setting for the war of the ring. The history of the unwilling(Avari) is a bit muddled because they refused the summons of the Valar. It is speculated that some of them, at least, were seduced by Melkor/Morgoth and corrupted into the race of Orcs.
I found an interesting map of the world of Middle-Earth. The race of the Elves seems to have been born into the area in the middle of the right-hand continent. The area which is roughly the setting of the war of the ring. The Valar came and led some of them north-west through Beleriand(G-3 on the map) and then across the sea to the shores of the undying lands(all of the western continent is the undying lands(E-3, specifically Alquonde[sic] was one of the larger settlements of Elves who made it to the undying lands but not all the way to the trees).
Kind of a mess, but there you have it. There were still some Elves in Beleriand and some “native” Elves in places like Mirkwood who weren’t going over the seas. When people like Elrond mention that the Elves are going over the seas they’re mostly talking about the Noldor, the descendants of those who went in the first place. Not sure if the Avari(those who refused the summons of the Valar) were welcome in the havens. A breakdown of the classifications of Elves is available here. The Avari are what I have been referring to as the “natives”. The different branches of the Teleri are those who forsook the jouney at various points(or who just showed up late) and the Noldor are the ones who made it all the way to the light of the trees and then turned back to chase after the Silmarils.
The Encyclopedia of Arda is a useful resource for these kinds of things. Assuming anyone but me cares about this level of detail that is
Enjoy,
Steven
The Sindar (Teleri who never saw the Trees) were the ones doing most of the going-over-the-sea during the WR, there being pretty much only one full-blooded Noldo left in M-E, Galadriel. Elrond also had Noldor blood, through Idril (via Earendil), but it was heavily diluted with human, Teleri (through Elwing, via Dior, via Luthien, via Thingol), and Maia (through Luthien, via Melian) descent.
On the other hand, Legolas and Thranduil (his father), were Sindar ruling over Avari (Silvan elves), as was Celeborn, who apparently didn’t sail to the West.
Cirdan was pure Teleri, as far as I can recall, and my understanding is that he was the last to sail, since he was the one who built the ships that took his kin oversea.
Helicopter, duh
Nah, Boromir climbed up there with a load of supplies on his back every day. That’s why he was so beloved by the army of Gondor. He was the food and T.P. guy.
He didn’t like being in the helicopter, y’see.
Orc dentist would suck.
As would being the head of Sauron’s HR department (“You need another 10,000 orcs?! What happened to the last batch?”)
Lumberjack in Fangorn.
Gondor Fire Department (“Denethor set fire to what?”)
Gollum’s nutritionist.
Good point. I kind of mixed up Noldor(a specific subset of the Eldar, the Elves who chose to make the journey) with the broader category of Eldar in general. All of the Eldar, those who answered the call to go to the undying lands, even if they never made it(stopped off in M-E(Silvan, Nandor), stopped off in Beleriand(Sindar), stopped off in Aman(Falmari), or made it and then came back(Noldor)) have the right to go/go back to the undying lands as part of their birthright.
The Encyclopedia of Arda’s page on Silvan Elves marks them as one of the branches of the Teleri. They aren’t Sindar because they didn’t make it as far as Beleriand, but they at least started on the journey. Having made at least part of the journey means they are a branch of the Eldar, not a branch of the Avari. That makes me wonder a bit. It seems that ALL the Elves that we have info on are Eldar. The Avari seem to have vanished out of the history-books. The populations of Lorien and Mirkwood seem to be Silvan or Nandor(although most Nandor seem to have perished in the Last Alliance) Elves, governed by Noldor and Sindar, but still not Avari.
Hmm, maybe this is a question for the Q&A thread. I would hate to think that all the Avari ended up corrupted into Orcs.
Enjoy,
Steven
Heh. Raw and wriggling. Easy enough job.